Adulthood is my burden,
I can feel it brewing inside.
It's a slurry of feelings
I must not express
for that would be a slide

back into adolescence;
a place I can no longer linger.
A place I just learned
how to be comfortable with me
and that life does not align at the snap of your fingers.

I knew who I was for the last few years
and I see now thats why I was happy.
I knew what I liked
and I knew what I loved
and no one was going to stop me.

But now that attitude is becoming destructive
and I must take back my signature "*******,"
or risk losing everything I have discovered.
That information is the result of a successful adolescence
and I will it use it to make me a good adult if it is the last thing I do.

After all of the long nights I
Spent laughing and loving with friends
I went home to my bed
And resumed my feelings for you,

Way after you got your dog tags
And even long after left me
and my heart up here
in Revolutionary, Massachusetts.

I wish I could blame you for how this feels
But I should probably just blame this town
For never showing me more
Than everything I couldn't have.

My days once revolved around you
but now they revolve around
what's left of you.

Things were better when you
were actually in my life
instead of just tip toeing
within my peripherals.

Why don't you just let me be?
You came into my life like a tornado
and when you left
all I had was the rubble
or your destruction.

I tried so hard for you
only to be repaid with betrayal.
I love you
even though all you ever gave me
was cruelty and disappointment.

You showed me why people fall in love;
not to achieve eternal happiness
But so that they never feel
the ultimate loneliness
that I am feeling now.

You do not have to be angry
but you do not have to forget.
He hurt you
once
and then twice.

It's hard to look back
because you were happy then.
You smiled and laughed
and you didn't cry.

Are you happier being angry?
Does this grudge
truly make you feel better?

You are miserable now
and your anger only makes it worse.
Do you want to be like this forever?
Foolish and arrogant and stubborn?

You have the tools to be happy.
Just take them;
they're waiting.

I hope your music chokes you,
and I hope all your best friends die.
I hope she's better off without you
and they miss your last goodbye.

I hope when you lie in bed at night
you're haunted by the ghost
of your past and former lovers,
the ones you knew the most.

I hope that they remind you now
of what you did to me,
of all the ways you hurt me
but then you set me free.

I can breathe on my own now
without seeing your silly face.
I walk all by myself now
with a surprising airy grace.

That doesn't mean I don't still hate you;
that is far from the truth.
I can hardly stand to look at you
without wanting to break your tooth.

I just don't need you anymore
or your lack of love.
I can fly on my own
free as a dove.

When you finally leave this town
and everything you ever knew,
I hope that you remember me
and all I did for you

Because I made your life okay
at least for a little while.
I made you happy on your hardest days
the days you couldn't smile.

I know why you are leaving here.
It's to hurt me one last time.
Because eight times wasn't enough
you just had to make it nine.

So you're heading out to California
the place where your heart resides,
a place where the girls are pretty
and you can put my love aside.

To make sure you always remember me
I'll come visit you out there.
I'll tell you that I love you still
because no one will ever compare

When it's finally time for me to head home
Ill get down on one knee
Then I'll steal the California sunrise
So that you will never forget me.

During the days that there was an us
I probably hated you more days than I loved you.
Since I have been on my own,
And you have been allowed to do as you please
I have realized I could never love you more
Than I do at this moment.

For someone who doesn't drink
I am unfortunately intoxicated.
And for someone who smokes too much ***,
My feet are planted far too firmly on the ground.
And the ache in my chest just won't quit.

So please come back.
I would stop drinking.
I would never smoke again.
And I would never **** another man in my entire life
If it meant
That I could watch you fall asleep
The way you did when we were seventeen.

Everyone wants to know if she's okay.
She's fine.
It's a reflex,
but inside the monster is raging.
He wants her to hurt herself
but not visibly so she can keep saying she's fine.

She wonders why the monster has so much control
but she knows.
The monster is the only person she has,
the only man who has stuck by her.
The monster reminds her
that all they've ever shown her is pain.

She's rid herself of the monster for good...
If she was able.
If he was gone she could take chances!
in life, in love,
in general.
But he continues to control her every second
with the death grip he has on her life.

She feels herself running out of time.
Soon her monster will smother her
and she has to get rid of him.
Or else.