i pour myself another flask
tilt my head to the heavens and choke it down
as if to say 'that one's for you mom'
the gulps of jack honey that kiss my stomach
become a bitter reminder of the things that i relinquish in sobriety
they ask me about my coping skills and lately
i nit pick, mock, and overanalyze
see, i am much more bitter than the poison i swallow
yet it will never occur to anyone that i have a void in my heart the size of kansas
i take another swig, feel the whiskey warm my cheek, and
close my eyes to imagine my mother's hands cupping my face
as if to subtlety remind me that i'll be alright
but that never corresponds to the way that i've felt since that night
i stand in front of the mirror bearing a shocking resemblance of her
my eyes tilt down a little and my lips are thin, just as hers were

you all gave me glares as i walked through the hall ways
yeah, i gotta admit thats what i questioned sometimes while i stargazed
i was never pretty enough, cool enough, or good enough
but you all had me fooled for just about a month
when my mom died in april, yeah that **** was tough
but you all dont even realize the extent of how rough
i had it, we had, you set us aside like a bunch of losers
we sat back and watched you all become alcohol abusers, marijuana users, and back stabbing accusers

***** you to the girl that wrote i was *** on bathroom stall
cause at the time, it was in love with youre ex that i was trying to fall
and ***** you to the boy that said i was fat
does the size of my britches really matter to you *******
or does my body scream judge me like a ****** welcome mat
***** you all that ever made anyone feel low
cause we all know theres only so much one person can undergo

all we wanted was to be accepted
not labeled, ostracized, and/or rejected
but i can't help but smirk a little smile
when you post that your life is a cluttered unhappy pile
for the sake of all "losers" i hope you look back
and wished you had maturity that then, you lacked

but let this jingle in your mind
the hell within us that you created
has not dictated a thing, it has dissipated

I promise you I'm not a love poet, but if I were...
I'd write about how I want to massage your back with notes
so your body can sing songs your lips don't even know the words to.

your kisses fall short upon my cheek
not in number or in passion,
but in the words i find difficult to speak.
see i need a love filled with compassion
not time spent together in rations.

i get wrapped up in thoughts,
seems like my minds a little lost.
wondering if you've been sent to find it,
or if you're searching for someone to commit.

its like you already have your future planned.
you want a queen by your side,
to rule all the land.
you want to work with your pride,
raise a family, and always provide.

i don't know that i'm ready,
to be with you and go steady.
distance makes it difficult,
each example shows a similar result...
failure,
paining me like a harsh insult.

I see you
lengthy and thin.
On your neck,
a discolored patch of skin.
A light little speck,
above your eye
and terrible cowlick
yet I wish you were mine.

yeah, i'll probably have to admit
you know you had that game
all you had to do was spit
chasing paper, success, and fame
materialistic, chauvanistic,
might as well be a no name
still between your fingers,
you had me a little tangled

write something
find the words that stick to you
and tear them from your flesh
let your mind start the first line
and let your heart do the rest

write about the ocean
and about how your life is compiled
of waves of emotion

write about birds in the sky
and about all the places
you'd go if you could fly

write about love
and about all the boys
you've ever felt unworthy of

write about the warmth you feel
and about all the things you believe
even when you're told it isn't real

write about anything,
but most importantly
always write about yourself
because the path to self-discovery
is the most important book on the shelf

I want to pull out your spine
just to make you a little more mine

I want to rip out your cheeks
put them in my mouth and savor them for weeks

I want to carve out your heart
so not another girl will get the chance to rip it apart

I want to take your thighs
so we will never have to say goodbyes

I want your peel off your lips
just so i never lose the feeling of your grips

But mostly, I need a new pair of eyes
for me to realize that
you're really just another one
of "those" guys.

let me rise to the surface
with you
as you exhale
let me feel your body tingle
together
as we feel the sky
let me love you
like that one wednesday
when you first caught my eye

know this
notice
me
struggling
and hardly free
so worn
and torn
but so what
just be

alone in egypt, so i write
as the dawn etches closer, i still fight
look at the clock, just a minute til the mid of night
hoping soon ill be alright

know this
notice
me
struggling
and hardly free
so worn
and torn
but so what
just be