i hope it's okay
that i want to hold your hand all the time
i hope it's okay
that i want to kiss you all the time
and intertwine my fingers in your hair
i hope it's okay
that my favorite place in the world is right next to you
especially when you're sleeping and i can feel your chest move up and down
like the ebb and flow of the ocean
i hope it's okay
that your laugh makes me happy
and that your smile is something i survive off of
and that i do stupid things sometimes when you're sad
just to see that smile again
i hope it's okay
that i want to spend my weekends with you
going on roadtrips and letting the sun soak into our cells
listening to all our favorite songs
and realizing how bad they actually are and laughing at each other
because we can
i hope it's okay
that i want to make you happier than you've ever been before
and that i want to make you feel important
because you are
to me
and if that's the only thing i ever tell you it would be okay
because you deserve to know
and i hope all these things are okay
because i don't think i can ever not love you
but if you didn't want me the way i want you
and if you didn't love me the way i love you
and if you didn't want to do all these things with me
i would walk away
because you mean more to me than anyone else
and all i want is for you to be happy
and if i'm not enough for you
then it's okay

she was sad
not the "hopeful" kind of sad
not the bitter kind of sad
not the kind of sad "that just takes time"
it was the kind of sad
that kept her awake at night
the loneliness
the self-hatred
the fact that she would never be good enough
the fear of rejection
the worthlessness
all created a bigger and bigger space in her chest with each passing minute
and during the day
she faked smiles and laughed at jokes that she didn't really think were funny
she tried to fill the space with good music
and everything else that should make normal people happy
but all this just made the space grow bigger
her chest expanded like a big balloon
and she kind of hoped that one day
the balloon would become big enough
so she could just float away