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Allforlove Oct 2018
A casual observation
He was
looking at her,
like
she held the
key to the universe.
And for me,
looking at them
was like looking
into a mirror,
at us.
And looking,
it hurt,
because I
miss
being looked
at like I am priceless.

She was
looking at him,
like
he held up the sky.
And looking at that
made me remember
that baby sometimes
you hold up my sky.

I was
looking at them,
and
they kissed.
And it was so beautiful,
that it hurt me.
Because when their lips met
I remembered that,
kissing you,
was sometimes
so beautiful
that it hurt me.

And looking at that,
I know
what we had,
it's something that
I could spend an eternity
looking at.
Allforlove Mar 2019
I used to say
"He is more myself than I am!"
and truly believe it,
and yet breaking away did not break me
I was just as shocked by this revelation as any
but I hold the hand of a
Him
by another name now
and as I smile into His green eyes
Heart as full as I can possibly bear
I realize
now
I am more myself than I have ever been!
NO
Allforlove Oct 2018
NO
I am no good at saying
No to you,
I only know how to hold it on my tongue
how to swallow it.

No
it is bitter
yet smooth
sliding down my throat
like coffee,
two creams,
no sugar.

No
does not stick in my mouth,
it slips down
into my stomach
easily
without complaint.

like something that I have practiced
my silence is muscle memory
and I do not choke on it
but it makes my insides churn.

And still, I let you return
over
and
over
so I can Not say No to you
Just once more.
Allforlove Nov 2018
life
I think
is made up
of a series of perhapses

And here is mine

Perhaps if I could survive
on coffee
and swerls of bitter feelings

well then perhaps I could
grow thin
and worthy

perhaps disappearing  is the same thing as thriving
and perhaps I could thrive
if I could live
on coffee and bitter feelings
Allforlove Apr 2020
I picture love in a vignette of outstretched fingers, caramel and cream latching on and letting go.
drifting closer and apart and landing all across each others bodies like restless butterflies.

I close my eyes and see these landings and liftoffs
intertwinings and extractions.

bringing us together and apart and everywhere in-between.
but always,
reaching.
Allforlove Feb 2019
I am slightly shell shocked
But I refuse to be cautious
**** caution
I elect to be reckless with my heart!
Because who says broken things can't fly?
Allforlove Nov 2018
Nothing is helping this feeling of being
fractured
because I feel pulled in a million competing directions
and if I'm being honest,
which I intend to be;
I myself am the worst offender.

I am crippled under the weight of all these expectations
but when I open my eyes
they are all made of reflections
of me
that I would rather not see,
funhouse distorted.

And everyone around me
looks through clear unmangled windows.
baffled by my discontent.
Allforlove Apr 2020
I think I am in love with purposeful uncertainty,
because in the dark, or with my eyes closed
I can always pretend you'd pick me.

It's a beautiful delusion one you've proven false
over and over again.

But if I never ask you
I will never have to here you say
out loud

that I am second best
at my very best,

and so I keep my eyes closed
and hold my breath
and swallow my questions
and my pride.

and I let you pick teams in the dark

so I never actually see you choosing everyone but me
and so you never have to see
ME
Allforlove Apr 2020
Our belly's press together like the necks of two swans,
and my lips will make a nest out of the hollow of your throat.

I will take my rest under the shelter of your tree-branch arms.

And you will softly pump my heart back to life with fingers that make it flutter like millions of tiny wings.

— The End —