if you think that i cant hear you
youre probably right
im dreaming again
and youve lost your voice
for the fifteen-millionth time
youre acting like youre screaming
and i have my hands cupped around my ears

and when yelling turns you off
you walk away
and im the *** with his hands on his ears

chase after you
with a pad and a pen
write something down instead
but i lost my pen
and my pad is covered
in doodles of zombies

the curb is no better friend
no worse either
as cold and as hard
as my attempts with you
and your response

and THATS why people learn sign language
for dreams mostly
i have never even tried while sleeping
and if i did im sure that it would be offensive

the more that i think of it
i think that a hug would have sufficed
pluck one of your hairs
and tie it to my sleeve button hole
for it to wag alongside me
as i get back curb-side

ill be the guy wearing the...
nothing
reading poetry by street lamp light

i know
i know
black tank top
see you soon

you said
you werent going to eat off my plate
but now its clean
and im hungry

you said
this was your last smoke
but my packs empty
and im feenin

you said
YOU SAID
ill be with you thursday
but my beds empty
and im alone
and cold
yearning
livid

but im taking breaths
deep ones
teaching myself that each voice
each utterance
doesnt bind me or you
to a radiator
stuck in the dark
and steam burned

these chances to vibrate
throaty chords
are chances to perfect our relationships
with acuity we sharpen our souls
through our tongues
but accuracy is the sum
toward what each syllable should strive
each consonant building towards
our harmony
and peace of mind
validating our trust

tell me a secret
whisper a truth

i thought i heard the ******
of the blue bell around your neck girl
i paused my creative trickle
to chase you
all around this property and that one
i hugged your mom
washed my hands
rolled up my sleeve
and you were still gone
into the cat ethers

you werent even meowing
hell
how are we supposed to feed you
when you wont return the "HIIIIII!!!"
we yell at the expense of our own self-esteem

i opened all the doors for you
just to return and keep my seat
on that armchair warm

the only place you could have been
more removed from my line of sight
least advantageous to your keepers
most absent from your natural environment
least accommodating to our directives
the only place you could have been

curled up and purring
after all that???!
seriously.
i had to get on my belly
to see you laughing at me
cool in your aunts room
tail wagging

"I FOUND HER!!!"

A candle lit
In a lone new room
Flutters with my breath
As it's whispered upon a flame

And with it
With the wicks whisper
All things are transmogrified
It bends to the will of my breath

but these prayers
aren't ones to bless
you or me or the new place
they are for my own utter annihilation

or that of my ego
so that the rift it creates
between you and i and everything
is lifted, narrowed, guided away, carried upon a breeze
away
away

never spill guts in a crowded room
and then
never in an empty parlor
this digital storefront
selling beauty for only
the cost of your trip
is a place where i spew
that which provides me clarity
and my peace
embroidered by a new drive
and hemmed by positive flaccid ambition

i erupt here and reflect
touch you and spit on my possessions
drip from high above the keys
from inside where all my hopes and fears reside
to a place much more static

no
this is not spam
this is a particle within a sneeze
where each line is a breath
and each dribblet is a reflection
or passion
or pain

i never espoused a conspiracy theory about it
"they dont want us to write"
but it is more of a dare
a triple dog dare
for when youre filled
and when youre boiling over
then, make it so that its hard to read
elusive dodgy and half true
undone and part mean
gushy
lump-throated
i dare you
triple dog
say a single true word

go ahead
put your feet up
make sure that everything is clean
because youre going to be sitting for a while

maybe rocking
but that just depends on your style
some people get out the stress like weirdos
personally, i just like to stare in the void vacantly

this isnt going to be some run of the ******* mill tussle
what this is
THIS?
this is a marathon pit fight
this is
blood and
teeth
and
flesh ripped
and left hanging

but you still stare into the void

because youve trained your whole life for this
and ill be ****** if anyone can take it from me

so on

and even the reprieves offer no consolation
when you get to sit in your corner
focused on the set across from you
plotting the next flurry

this transcends battle to the death
this is battle-to-the-death-and-then-the-guy-keeps-punching-the-other-til­l-he-dies
yes the visceral image of an incredibly old boxer
beating a corpse
and finally passing away from exhaustion

settle in

i was swimming
its more like flailing really
just trying to stay afloat
to return to shore
to move toward
a place where i could be sure-footed
or at least MORE sure footed
flapping my arms like this
hell
i would have settled for quicksand

thats when i realized how blue the waves were
how clear
the medium that housed
the vibrantly colored guppies
the sunset that illuminated them
palpabale and tactically enticing
clouds that you could
both consume and caress
how warm the water
how cool the breeze

then a relaxed posture
a calm breast stroke
to the nearest outcropping
and after i approached
scaled it to its pinnacle
bare feet and hands
****** now for good reason
but here i stand
atop lush grass
drip drying
with a view towards
the place where i floundered

ill stay up top
here with the magnificent view
you take the "hi" road
and ill take the high road
as long as we meet here
at the overlook
as long as we hold hands
gaze towards to waves
time the tide
encounter enchantment

we can swim later

im not writing anymore
***** my cigarette on the hardwood
pouring out my drink in the bathtub
lay next to a speaker until
well
forget it
sleep and wake up
3am
i dont blame them
write what no one reads

rinse.repeat.

i crouched
one knee to the floor and one up
facing god and his holy host
gasping for air and dribbling
knowing everyone that ive hurt indefinitely
wishing none of it was true
taking it back with tears
hoping "were alone now"
would ever be made honest
when the tune dies down
and the crust dries
on my high cheeks
something may have been developed
my mind anew
thoughts reconfigured
life repositioned
with imaginations like these
who needs

what are those called
cousins
no
the other ones
concerns

close enough

i opened my eyes
again
and there existed a black spot
between the north star
and the rolling clouds

i stared into it
deeply
and i followed myself in
to our bed upstairs
and the feathers roll over

i went deeper even
home
and i found me weeping
near the keys that make me
and we rested together again

i knelt yet again
flawless
and you grinned again
fatter than you ever have
and we held hands

i pulled back the curtains
******
and shone in the light
illuminating the dust on the shelf
and we read together

i pulled you through customs
dragged
and we skipped to the gate
shouting over an intercom
and we tugged each the other

we crossed the seas
oceans
and we got lost
wandering and without list
and through this we bonded

we unpacked our bags
furniture
and we certainly shopped
finding a place to call home
and we called a bungalow home

we died together
coughing
and we fixed kosher eggs
making way for the others spirit
and we slept a year through

in the ground

Hey, It's me
******
I'm sorry I didn't catch you
Hey its me?
did i just say that?
but
Yeah I guess that's right
you know my voice by now.
yeah
hey its me.
i just called
well
i wanted to tell you
something about this new script
its like a "slice of life thriller"
those aren't the right words
forget it
i thought you might be able
...dialogue help and so on
**** that
ill never make that movie
honestly i called to
well
apologize
for
calling
hey
its
me

Oh
Feel like I have to have this
It's not just a person that I recollect
It's a person that I pay
I need a friend
Upon which every memory and feeling
Can be placed...
Can be dropped
Through which every bone
Character flaw
Admiration
Disposition
Are laid down
*******
Sarcasm
Fantasy
What's this money for
But a friend
That can be bought
We don't need it
I don't
Do you
Don't tweet this
But if you do
To the enterprise
Now that I think about it
I should read this to my psychiatrist

truly convienent
to be able to tell your boss
im just taking a break
right back to it when i finish this poem
****
you can hang dry wall
AND
write something to make someone
smile
cry
point a finger in your direction

yeah
about that
there isnt anything special
in my portfolio
just stuff i scribble on bar napkins
next to the doodles of you
maps too
in the small spaces that are left
i write those down
i mostly leave them for the barkeep
but not always

sometimes i bring them back to work
here into the room with
the tarps on the floor
cans full of paint
and joint compound
to reread them

and if i werent lieing
about smoking all these cigarettes
i would tell you
that im going to my car to write
just ONE more
before i send you those TPS reports

if only i could upload
all the doodles attached to them
people would know
that im PROBABLY better off
sticking to writing

So bright
And yet so cold
I unscrew you
So that a neon flora
Could shine
Above and empty room

Purple and green petals
Glowing in tubes
In the peripherals
Blue eyes shining
And flickering
Alongside the
Bolts striking the rod on the roof
Emblazoning momentarily with
Sharp and blinding
Flashing
Strobe like for
A split second
Followed by the thirty-two  inch sub
Fluttering
Making you quiver
And clutch the fuzz on the side

i crafted an exquisite note
to be sent along
to the exquisite woman that no longer deserved it.

i sat down in a wildflower patch
with an empty bottle
which gave me the courage
to roll the parchment

the ants in all their fury
held no charge against me
and the strategically buried daggers
left nothing more than an impression
on my bare feet

nor did the canals
formed by tears' errosion on the cheek
the largest tree now long dead
a landmark lost to time
a love
a partner

thats where i ****** up
swearing everything i penned for you
oh ****
i just realized that this will never trend
i said **** and ****
well
this one deserves it
you champ
me chump
and you dance like the butterfly
in the next life
and i the bee
bumble that is
swollen and noisy
im doing circles around you
pacing more than anything
while you flutter
i beg for a pace like that
something that is literally lofty
hold me up
and ill give you the pressure
in the opposite direction
a stress that compliments
a slow ascension
as long as were going up
in the appropriate direction
cloudward

Everyone wants me to leave
Some going
Some coming
but that doesnt tell me much
about the next kind
of house cat ill be

the one that spurts foam
or shovels in snow

the one that brings you the paper
or completely gnaws your bone

if you arent taming me
youre handing me treats
not dangling string
then ill emblazon a kitty spot on the ****

what can i do but
coo near your ear
nip at your thumb
bring lick to your toes
sniff the parts
and curl up

i just wanted to dance
so close to the stage
that the dj could spit
right in my ******* eye
shaking it
so loose and hard
that people would talk about
that guy at the show
i wanted to make friends
that would remember my name
when i bumped into them
broad daylight
middle of 6th
"ALLEN!!!"
i wanted my girlfriends hands
around my hips
kissing my neck
and screaming
WOOOOOOOOOO

but really

i would have settled
i would have settled for
something quiet
i could cross my legs
sip a coffee
puff a cigarette
and listen intently to
some jangley classical guitarist
or a professional washboard player
or anything other than what i had to hear
it wasnt music

instead
instead of any of it
i trod the streets
behind my party
alone more or less
feet bleeding in search
of the elusive "show"
i never danced
i stood or sat
slumped
wondering where she was
skin crawling for a kiss

thanks for dropping me off mom

i cant write when im angry
it makes the meat melt
and the gristle grow
into something that i need
to spit out

these are always the shortest
because the causal cooings
shift ****
to a place where i understand

but that doesnt mean
i have to like it
nothing of the sort
nothing is more disgusting
nothing rings more true
than fury

curling up under someone elses covers
over my head to hear my breath
and to bloom forth a cloud
of an alcoholics perfume

listening to a train toot over
a gentle sob
digits clasped tight to my brow
tears running over the joints never cut

thank god im whole
****
i said god again

the things that i love are alive
including myself
for now anyway
and feeling this deeply counts
in fact
the emotion itself counts as life
it breathes with me
well
with you mostly
but me too
we can share right?

the things i love
they wriggle
gossip
bloom
become buoyant
or adrift
they are literate
and simultaneously silent
they are theifs
and simultaneously altruistic

all the things that i love
these things that i love
they are within you
and i only borrowing them
not renting
though i did buy you that....
****
i never bought you anything

so yeah
borrowing.

*******
you rattled me
i felt so close
frighteningly close
i
dont
want
to shake
or dwell
or explain it away
but i do
steal my soul from my mouth

so the aliens,
right?
they got out telescopes and ****
and they were all like
whoa man
we could totally **** those guys up
RACE!!!!
ready?
set?
and then they were all
killing each other on the way over
but some made it though right???
and there were like
monkeys and stuff
that they put their seed in
so THATS WHY were all different colors
and eyes and hair and stuff
They are really
just seeing who wins

thats why i have my AR-15

cast aside
and with the passage of time i find
forget the constellations
i prefer compressed sediment
casually given to the shore
your door frame beckoning
from the glistening overlook
wild and overgrown
lush-sheik
come place me on your shelf
smack on the googley-eyes
and keep me in your purse
nightstand is fine too though

its like when you see in those vampire movies, you know man, and the main vampire ***** that one mortal and gets all ****-hurt when she dies. yeah. like that.

im immortal compared to you here
ill have googley-eyes a million years from now
****.
i didnt think this through.

OOOoOOOoooO!
in a million years...
youll be a rock too.

done

you knew
and now you know
the ways that i loved
did i use PAST TENSE
that wasnt me
it was the cat typing
i wouldnt insult you
brilliant person you
there is no hate here
i bleed for our kind
the two of us
denied
both denied and yearning
there is no abuse that can resolve
no chastisement to
cause me to perjurer
i have nothing for which to lie
about or for or with
open as a book i smile
smirk even
wag your finger my way
shake a fist
stomp me
i dont move
unless given permission

if i held a shaky cam
one that looks like me
and staggers and wavers
focuses on where i
would point my eye
i would shake in your direction
i would capture you roiling over
direct from slumber and smiling
blinking at me as you
awake from deep sleep
and smiling
then at night in my bed
slapping the expensive camera
and dark
then bare light
you staring away
and dark
and then in tears
i didnt know that it was possible
to shave legs with such imbalance
and eyes
and tears
and anger
dance
play
cry
pose
if you dont smoke on your back
become desperate
***** upon the place
that you made me love you
my portrait wont be complete

i love you
be still

that phrase carries such a punch
wow
wow could mean this
"i cant believe you could"
or it could mean that
"you would ask me"
it COULD mean the other
"how could you?"

but christ
thats not a swear right
christ?

im not going to win this fight
i didnt even have on head gear

****, ill be bloodied
and you wont even be bruised

would you help me
unlace both my gloves?

you can do that right
if i taught you how to tie it
you can take it the reverse way

another three minutes
lost
to the rattling of the branches
to the shuttering of leaves
to the crash that they make
the BOOM
on the floor
we can hear those

im a fan though
of the noise
that will always win
as long as you
are there to record it
peripheral mic catching
every partial sneeze

jeebus
we are going to slap hands
no matter what happens
swoop
or sail

bye i guess

i carved out a place for us
two abreast
clutching the other
palms touching

ive been whispering to you
but that kind of voice goes no louder
i tap you on that shoulder
and you spin around
while i grin

i thought you knew that
i was going to trick you
at any single cost
i had nary a single idea
that you would cross your arms
and stomp the rest of the way
through the forest
over the path that i cut

OooOoOOo!
flowers!
look
how big do you want your bouquet?
forget it.
let me just weave this one into your hair.

wanna skip?
im a skipping champion!

no?

uh, wanna climb that tree???
look at those limbs!

bugs, huh?

ummm, lets sit on the forest floor
just to pray
for the two of us.
yeah
lets do that

dont believe in god?
****

me either

well
i guess we could turn around
the sun isnt yet down
and i can still see the road
but we have come too far
im thinking its not in our best interest
just a bit more
i hear the other side is
MUCH more charming

here
get on my back
i got this

ok....
shoulders then
ok
ok
ow
yeah
thats it!
the view is WAAAY better up there

its not midnight
someone just turned out the lights
on my party
of one

its not bright out
its the fire blazing without a coal
in a hearth
with no screen

thats not a flower
its a **** with a smelly bloom
in a pasture
with no fence

im not a comedian
im only a guy with pratt falls pocketed
with a pun
and a play on words in hand

there is no love
there is only a trust between two
there is a kiss
a late night call

and sanity
there is no sanity
there is only a belief
a trust
in what cant be robbed
in what cant be...
what was i saying

what time is it?

this sidewalk is doing nothing for me
until your blue pools drowned me
but you caught me
in ill hold you like my champion
im in love.

understanding cant be amused
hate
drives ever bit of me away
but id love to stay
war
poverty
me

what is meant to be
will
sera
sera

i thought this was it
this one is the one
that was my mantra
but happiness seems to preclude
ignoring
this that and the other
and love
love??!
tell me thats not another shade
of pure blindness
yearning seems quaint compared to this
but it still has to be something
lets invent a new word
something that screams like my heart
something that cries and rolls around
something that jumps on the bed
and laughs
and warms my bare feet
im open to suggestions

i pace the long way
all the way in the wrong direction
all the way away from them.
everyone i love.
only to walk all the way back

past every hurt feeling
apologizing for every wrong turn
spending time with the people i hate
until i find the one that makes me remember
exactly who i am
expects it of me.
yells.

a long pace.
one thousand miles up and then two back
nothing changed
i still pace
i still worry
and escape from a revisit
the hurt

one more time
i can use these keys one more ******* time
one more time
just one more
if im not asleep im writing
if im not writing im dead
if im dead then im wandering
if im wandering im not finding

possibly finding

gentle
gentle persuasion
thats the only latch-key
what do you want to do
what makes you smile
self -affirmed
dreams fulfilled
close your eyes
and wait for the answer

all that i know is that IM fallin
fallin
fallin

ask yourself the same ******* question allen
if your eye could close
if your heart could pace
under 1000 beats per minutes

but never

ask allen
what can make that
head stop throbbing
turn the track down?
smash the device that can connect
smash it

how to put students in a place
the engages
rewards
produces

close youre eyes
take a deep breath
now drown

a child like thing that i plunged
was shot off the red clay
and grass
directly into the river
that creeped
as if on stilts

my heart swelled
as i was immersed
and ever single fiber in me
sang
smiling son hard i forgot
not to breathe under water

it was her black eyes
the angel
that drew me to the slender arms
of my savior

only to leave me on the shore
alive.

my eyes are burning or at least
well
what the **** ever they HURT
burning like a blow torch has been lit near
so
i rub with the palm of my hands the nearest lid
with pressure equivalent to the blueness of *****
and
my vision is only more irritated. blinding and distorted
crossing my eyes only to envision the same reality
both
challenged and encompassing within the entire room
welcomed and narrowed into the self i dont yet know

im not tripping
not drunk
high
delirious

i dont want to weep for her
she should earn it
and yet
my eyes
my ******* eyes
are dry

stay still
perfect and silent
stay any way youre going to be
stay if cranky
or too tired to keep your eyes
pried open
just stay
in fact
ill move half of the ****
from the small closet
closet?
**** that
i have five
just stay
sleep here
just like you are now
soft and welcoming
sweaty and chastising
sleeping with a skerple in your hand

i crossed my legs

&found; that many hours later
i was still
full lotus
eyes half open
the exhaustion crawling
through each pore
steaming effervescence
reminding me that there is never a time better
to withdraw into ones self &then; far beyond
is it floating or is it flying
singularity in eyeline
within the nearest whole
blacker than the absence of light
this dark...

this dark
consumes blindness
buried is
all the matter of another universe
waiting to erupt

consciousness like ours
needs never to travel into the depths of space
headlong into a new biological manifestation
but instead be patient

this might not be centered
more that likely left aligned
im looking for the significance
that others toss in your direction ceremoniously
with flat or sharp tones
and sweets
paper and ribbons
provided some measure of luck
with cheer and toasts
a new look and ease of mind
but three hundred and sixty five is not enough
how about three thousand

we should both stop using our language like this
the way that i can turn a phrase can be malicious
the expressions conveyed may harm our constitution
there is no border between negative & positive infinity
our limits are extending between the length of x-axis
without fail we are divided by infinity without separation
its not fair that i heap more on you
and us
between the effort of shoveling it all
and it being dropped
steaming above the plane equal
where out hearts met and our souls touched
and we wept in turns
youre first
no me
no you
and drip and drip and drip and drip

i bet it all on black
the clanging of the pebble
around the separations
its the same story
i lost

long nights and love
all thats left
its not just about the dollar
its about the way
the dollar means that im yours

brother
i cannot spare a dime
this is our way
to feel like love

CHIT CHAT and then lets
Freeze this moment
still as night
Finish the cup of black
And replace it completely
With half and half
Done and captured
But why remember
Who will ******* remember
Develop the postcard
And scratch your beaten head

not till the blinds shone brilliant light stripes
on the filth smudged walls
did i consider sleep an option

put down the bottle
its too bright for whiskey
here, i cant hit this again

ill just lay here and wrestle the covers
thinking but not dreaming
of nothing other than you

if you were here im sure
you could talk me down
sssssssshhhhh me till im gone

what am i doing up again?
oh thats right
we're having a fight
im pecking at the keys
one finger at a time
and you keep trying
to place eight on the home row
i stumble around
failing to express
how its simply not my fault
how its not something that i can help
"and thats why im here love"
her new mantra
and if thats what it takes
shame me
into being able to be with you
make it so
shame on

one and one is
two
i think
and two by itself
is more than three
and so on
my wife to be
is not her yet
and our adventures
will become memories
and our math will
equal each other
and joy
prosperity

until then
we are one
and one
two and
whatever the next is
twangy tickling forever
equality
and then nothing
until tomorrow

and the next day

it was going to be about them
then they walked in
one and then the other
reminiscing about getting
well
fixed to the nines
to take a nap
rinse
wash
repeat
who ******* needs
any kind of inspiration
when you
have friends like this

that pig
pink and swollen
slots in its back
chastises me for my contribution
or lack there of
decorated with an enamel
floral and embossed
shaken and silent

im poor
and so are you if you didnt know
well we all are
i had this terrific idea yesterday
i dont remember it all now

but

it had something to do with holding hands
yours are slightly moist
and mine dry

i forgive you

I lived on Heavenly Lane
And with me I brought a demon
It lorded over and corrupted
Completely
Why it followed me
I can’t say
But one night
While it was sleeping
I killed it
Or at least I tried
I’m not sure now that it
Well…
It was playing possum
When I awoke
It sat at the food of my bed
Drinking something
And laughing wildly
Sticking on itself
Things made for other people
I smiled
And hugged it
Then it passed out.

oh im ******* fine
so are you
stop it
wake up
turn down the music
walk it off
quit your job
get a new one
job?
punctuation
things
poems that make people
read things
bass down
cheeks up
joy and animosity

this is no flop house
its a proper crash pad
and im no addict
im a proper user
and she is no harlot
shes a proper accomplice

this place was built for us
and i for you
and the space around us
for each other
for us all

so darling
you and i
we should spread out

wait
define proper