The Gods of mediocrity
have a parking space
reserved for us

        The meter costs
        three coins but
        we’ve been shortchanged
        by the boatman

Early morning gravity
makes us fat
we haven’t changed
the strength to search
the fountains for pennies-

        -when Elysium has gotten pricey
        and the downhill
        walk is cheaper anyway

Your feet hurt well,
all our ******* feet hurt

so we lay in beds
in abandoned motels
and finger ourselves

where is the economical gain in that?

        THAT is a wasted effort
        a **** poor rain
        a trite consequence
        to an abysmal excuse

We have no choice
We must be born

Torn from the void
to endure the agony of body

Only to return
to the Great Stained Mattress
in the sky

        Only to give true definition
        to the term “squirt”

Michael Sinclaire/Mary Fahey. March 2013.

i listened to you
jabber on (note to self: look up jabber)
and i wondered
why?

you unleashed yourself on me
tirades of mishandling (note to self: look up grammar in this line of poetry)
and i wept
why?

moving through time
the numbers decide
i watch with anticipation
my fate starts to divide

do i truly choose
in the way things progress
or must i sit here with worry
just to watch life advance

are the actions i take
truly those of my choice
or have they been known
before i had voice

the clock ticks through minutes
as events take place
encounters occur
incurred in time and space

the desire to know is strong
my intent is deep
i will find out the answers
to the questions i seek

Thick skin shields me from the blows
Like a reptile
Impervious to your words
Your hateful language

As true as it may be
It doesn’t soften the blows
I would ask for lies
Because they would be more comforting today
But tomorrow I would regret such a request
I would be shamed for not accepting the blunt honesty you have to offer
So I listen
Wide eyed
Open eared
And I weep.

I compare myself to an animal
A creature that cannot be harmed by such linguistics
You lash out in a hateful monologue
I cringe with fear at the truth
Mostly because it’s something I cannot deny

I let you in enough so that you have such leverage
In saying the things you know to be honest
For a moment I wish you didn’t have such power
That you were not informed of my inadequacies
That you didn’t know exactly where to apply pressure

But you do.
Full disclosure will do that.

That smile
That stupid smile
That **** eating grin of yours
Beautiful pearly rounded chompers
Okay, so maybe they are a little yellow
Who’s aren’t?
When one has smoked filterless filters for the last 10 years
What does one expect?

It’s exquisite really.
It brings me to the ground
Mostly from the weak knees that it incites
Nostalgia doesn’t even begin to describe
I’ve seen it in my dreams
It’s been with me for the last decade
It’s something that I will never be able to forget

The largest mouth I ever done seent
3 ounces of liquids in one easy swallow
I could put my foot in there
And there would still be room

Belches and burps
Curses and yells
Loud laughs
Sweet whimpers
All the things that are expelled

Every time a smile appears
A smug smirk
A gushing grin
I smile back
Despite my anger
Or fears
It doesn’t seem to matter how upset you make me
I smile back

The history we share is complex
Predating all the things
All the peoples
All the events
All the places
Spanning such far distances
In space, place, and time

And here we are.
How long have I known that bittersweet smile?
A better question is how long I will continue to be graced with it.
Even if that is shorter than I hope
I’ll still remember.
It’s something I can never forget.

CHEESE!

I take a stroll down memory lane
Stroll might not accurately describe what’s really occurring

Lots of trips and stumbles
Frequent falls
The occasional skip and trot
Dragging my feet
What horrible posture I have

So many events to recall
So many life altering states
Interactions between us
Conversations
Gushes
Laughter
Tears
All the things.

It’s hard to smile all the time
Even though I’m amused
The past is something that is hard to forget
Scratch that
Impossible is a better choice in words
Is it letting go that is important?
Forgiving and forgetting
Or is it remembering that really matters?

If I fail to reminisce
All the times you’ve made me cry
All the ways you broke my heart
Might not allow adequate credit to be given to today
This very moment
The reason I chose to stay.
Why I came back
And still do

After all these years
I’m still here
Still gushing
Still smiling
I look at you
My heart wrinkles
Your eyebrow crinkles with delight

The beginning is always so hard
The ending is equally difficult
It’s the middle that is the most beautiful
The most significant
The part that I choose to remember
The part that I choose to never forget

Where do I begin?
How can I possibly convey these emotions with words?
Sweet brutal language
I can use all the words
And still feel like I’ve said nothing

Such a rich history
That you and I share
Lengthy, indeed
Convoluted as all hell
One might choose the word, “rich” to describe such times
One might also choose the word, “poor”

Selection of words is so delicate
It requires not only accuracy but precision as well
Step lightly
Eat your words
Know not what you say
Beg for mercy with your language

I struggle to grasp the best way to say how I feel
I grapple with winning this game
Time and time again, I feel like I’m failing though
Not only myself and you, but us

Will I say what you want to hear?
Am I capable of expressing how I truly feel?
Will the words move you?
Will they mean anything to anyone?

None of the questions will be answered however
Unless I choose to publish the thoughts that circulate through my mind
My wicked cruel brain
Plays tricks on us both

Gush you say
I’ll make us cry both instead.

Short and stocky
White bearded
Balding
Grumpy
Blue marker streaking across a dirtied dry erase board
A seemingly never ending lecture
Words, symbols, equations
Statistical theories
Is now an appropriate time to use the term, "mumbo jumbo?"

I sit here
Half listening
Copying his hand written problems into a document
Peck peck peck
Wishing that math and science were not so intertwined
But also that I will someday call myself a scientist
A scientist with a firm grasp of math

Email open in the background
Switching windows incessantly
Snickering at the memes you've sent
Reflecting on the previous days
Trying to understand your ways
Your words so specific yet so broad

Do I know you?
Do you know me?
Why is this so hard?
Will it ever be easy?

*****
sweet *****
sometimes toetoe
often skits
but always *****
my love
my dream
my doll
the apple of my eye
the nails on my chalkboard
the silver lining to my cloud
the dog whistle to my baby ears
salvation
grace
irritation
gushes
where have you gone?
for, i cannot find you
you are no where to be found
something i am not only uncomfortable with
something that i fear
come back to me
find me
you know where i'll be
black tank.. black socks.. black everything..
i'll be waiting for you
patiently waiting
in the most impatient of ways
i'll even try to whistle when i see you near
if only to remind you that i'm here.