unknown entirely
not only to the throngs
but to myself as well
a shaded mustang such as myself
may never be labeled "dark"
until victory is upon me

and i plan to come from behind
from way behind
whipping a breeze along side
the champions from races past

but for no laurel
or hardy hoof shake
for only the chance to stretch my legs
lounging in pastures
has only stagnated me
but all potential must
as some point become kinetic

and here i am now
neck outstretched
teeth breaking the tape
by-standards ripping up tickets
because i was the last one
supposed to win

its pleasant to be warm
yes it was a pun
dont judge
cross my legs
and vent
i never knew my skin was so permeable
so inviting to the radiation
from internal nuclear fusion
well and fission too
puff the oak pipe
of navarro gold tobacco
and nod
smile
that sweaty-toothed smile
and nod
im warm now
but is there anything more active
than being cold
warm always seems false
when youre chilled
at least youre completely honest
NO *******
"im ******* cold"
taut
warm is so slack
investigating the disruptions of the slinky
piling trash up upon the heap

core this crisp fuji
i want the meat only
forget a shade tree
i want pitch black
this is not a time for a rocking chair
time for hanging upside down only

its true though
my epidermis is as holey as a sieve
pervious as cheese cloth
and it goes both ways
in and out
i fight for you
as much as i need to be fought for

no such thing as skin protectorate
or umbrella
or a silent moment for that matter
and never salient
or sober

better to just stare directly into the core
become blind
and be happy

i never espoused a conspiracy theory about it
"they dont want us to write"
but it is more of a dare
a triple dog dare
for when youre filled
and when youre boiling over
then, make it so that its hard to read
elusive dodgy and half true
undone and part mean
gushy
lump-throated
i dare you
triple dog
say a single true word

the first word that i received from you
when my eyes cracked apart
"hatred"
between hatred and "no"
no was the beginning of the last things
there was a flurry of expressions that reminded
me of you
the real you
all things that we only whisper to each other
like a sting of cartoon hearts
"tell me youre alive"
"i hate your guts"
"secret telling sessions"
"lord father god"
but that wasnt you today
you were that overly independent
woman who
holds my hand when she wants
only to beat me in private
you dont get to pick
when you have someone
like you have me
i have no on off switch
i stay on
this is no co-dependence
this is me relying on you
for rescue from my own
loneliness
dramatization
and voice

i talk to my self in my sleep
without you
mostly jibberish
but that one percent
of real-life murmuring
that sobbing speech
MEANS something
im not sure what
quite yet
nor will i ever i suspect
im still taking notes though
but i guaran-*******-tee you
it doesnt mean things are swell
peachy ******* keen

i ask for no lap dog
but for a cohort
i desire no therapist
but for a co-conspiritor
i yearn for no nurse maid
but for an equal

a woman who
i dont have to teach
but am taught by
a fellow ex-patriot
who still believes in no borders
a woman with a skerple
ready to write on my walls

the fuzz under my ****
rattles the cup near me
the base of a floor speaker
is a poor place to be undisturbed
and from my place upon
the hard wood slats
i peer through the slots
above and to the right
to view the limbs in decay

i was trying to impress you
now im only being housed
within myself and tightly
snug

gentle
gentle persuasion
thats the only latch-key
what do you want to do
what makes you smile
self -affirmed
dreams fulfilled
close your eyes
and wait for the answer

all that i know is that IM fallin
fallin
fallin

ask yourself the same ******* question allen
if your eye could close
if your heart could pace
under 1000 beats per minutes

but never

ask allen
what can make that
head stop throbbing
turn the track down?
smash the device that can connect
smash it

how to put students in a place
the engages
rewards
produces

close youre eyes
take a deep breath
now drown

ill be on the floor
rolling around for sympathy

ill be here
at the bar
but you know the number

ill be on my feet
pacing and engaging in exodus
going away and coming back
to our bed

ill be unlucky
with the craps table
rolling threes
and giving away all i own
for you

if you need to find me
ill be dancing alone in a corner
to a song that hasnt been written
juking as if you were near
reaching out for a partner
finding nothing

im lost
i shoulndt have
this or the other thing
i can hold you saturday
and feel dispelled on tuesday
we need better though
being enraptured perhaps