i still think about you

i think about you
when my friends talk about their boyfriends

i think about you
when i see a couple in a movie

i think about you
when i lay alone in my room

i think about you
every time i see a green truck

i think about you
when i drink eggnog
when i go to church
in my dreams
when i’m awake
when i see the word ‘him’

i think about you
when i am happy and when i am sad

i think about you
all the time
and that wouldn’t be so bad

except i know you don’t ever
think of me

our second date
(november 23)
we went to see catching fire.
i will never remember all the details of the movie but
i will always remember the little dance we did with our hands
before you finally,
in one big sweeping motion,
moved your arm underneath mine
and grabbed my hand
and held it for the whole movie.

i won’t forget how at the sad parts
you would squeeze my hand a little tighter to remind me that everything was okay.
and i definitely will never forget how when the movie ended,
as atlas by coldplay played all around us,
and everyone was getting up and gathering their things,
we sat there,
holding onto each other and the remaining magic left in the air from the movie.

i could have sat there, leaning against you
for four more movies
but they were cleaning the theater and we had to leave.

since then, i have listened to atlas hundreds of times
and each time i still get the exact swooping feeling i felt in my stomach then
and the feel of your fingers interlaced with mine
and i will never be able to listen to that song again without all of these memories flooding back to me
for that day, my heart caught fire
and it burns for you.

on our first date
(15 november)
you held my hand through the corn maze.
as we were getting lost in the stalks of corn
i was actually getting lost in you,
in the way your fingers felt curled next to mine,
in the deep bass of your voice,
in the way you could never remember which pocket your keys and phone were in.

i have never felt happier than i did when we made it out of the maze
and both agreed that it was too early to go home,
that we wanted to stay together a little longer,
and so we sat
for three hours just talking about everything.

i could sit and talk to you for hours
even if the topic is boring, it becomes endlessly fascinating
when the words are coming from your mouth.
i want to learn more about your uncle
and how he was called betty crocker as a kid because he baked so much,
i want to hear about the things you are building in robotics,
i want to know everything about you.

i feel happy and comfortable around you and
want nothing more than to be with you,
standing next to you,
our hands intertwined,
facing the world together,
as one.

**** me
U ******* why
R you unable
To see that

i love you

Kiss me
U are beautiful
Run your fingers across my body
Tell me that

u love me

you have no idea what you mean to me
but i hope you take leaps like i did
and we can meet somewhere in the middle
halfway through the air
with nothing to hold on to but each other
as we freefall to the bottom of the gorge
take the jump with me
i would for you

i already have

i may not be
the most beautiful girl
you have ever seen

but i know
you are more beautiful
than any boy i have
had the pleasure of meeting

i may not have
every detail of my
future planned out

but i know
you belong in it
so we can figure
this world out together

i may not be
the smartest girl
you have met

but i know
you have enough
intelligence for
the both of us

i may not be
the best dance partner
you have had

but i know
i have never felt
this happy dancing
with anyone else

i may not be
the funniest girl
you have known

but i know
we can make
each other laugh
when we need to

i may not be
the girl you dreamed of
as a little kid

but i know
we now dream of
each other every
single night

i may not be
the kindest person
in the world

but i know
your love has made
me more compassionate
than ever before

i may not be
a lot of
things

but i know
you have changed
me for the better

and i know
that nobody
will ever love
you more than
i do

often i have
been told
that i am
too sensitive

but i would
rather feel
too much

than nothing
at all

scientists have said
humans are the only
organisms able to
express their thoughts,
but i often find that
to be untrue.

if people could
directly communicate
their emotions and feelings
i would know what is
happening
between me
and you.

on the nights when it is hard to breathe
and hard to sleep, tell me,
how do you survive?

i want to hear the details,
to fall even for the broken pieces of you,
to help you put them back together
and know that soon,
you will sleep soundly every night
and never feel short of breath
so long as i am by your side.