I know I shouldn't have kissed those boys
With the whole town standing around
I didn't have much control over myself
And it felt good in a way
I felt unstoppable
And when I saw you through the crowd
There was fire inside me
I hated you for what you did to me
And I wanted to feel loved again
So I took the stupid boys hand
And I climbed up on the sidewalk
And I kissed him mostly because I could
And I kind of liked the attention
I liked the feeling of people looking at me
And thinking
Isn't that the girl who always sits alone and never talks?
I don’t want to be that girl anymore
When I pulled my face away from his, his smirk said he wanted more
But I turned and walked away
Only to find another boy waiting to feel my lips
That one was a mistake
And I wish I hadn't kissed that second boy
But I did and I felt loved again
In some messed up and twisted way
I hope you saw me
I hope you hated it
I hope you burned with jealousy
I hope you wish you hadn't left me behind
But I know you probably didn't.