Can nothing release me
from your shadow,
that I live in?

Can nothing warm my heart
and my soul?

I search within myself,
and find nothing
but self hatred.

And a longing
to cut out the parts of me
that I hate.

Your shadow engulfs me;
is there no escape?

I miss you.
More than I've missed anything
in my entire life.

Why did you go,
when I needed you most?
When I needed
your reassurance,
that life will not take me
to more dark places.

How do you let go of the dead,
when they're still fully alive,
in our hearts?

A start
with no end.
A promise
with no truth.
The end
is certain.
It always comes
around.

I don't even know where I went so wrong,
but all I know is that it's been so long
since I've been able to get out of this mist
it seems that I just can't coexist

with depression.

Depression's like a fog
that comes rolling in
and it turns into a bog
and ***** me in.

I'm up to my neck
with pain,
everyday.
There isn't one single way
to get away.

It stalks you
in every corner of your life.
And the only way to handle it
is with a ******* knife.

But that's not a solution.
It's temporary respite,
from not feeling down
and crying all night.

It's like a warm gentle sigh
that releases the hurt,
but in the end I realize,
I'm still face down in the dirt.

I can't keep going on this way,
the pain is just too much.
And drugs don't help in any way,
they're not even a crutch.

Antidepressants feel like,
they take my life away.
I no longer feel happiness,
or can react in any way.

They fill my head with nothings!
So why does the label say:
"Used to help depression,
and help you feel okay."

I feel like I don't exist!
Much less a human being!
I look into the mirror
and can't believe what I'm seeing.

I don't recognize my face,
my body or my hands
I just walk around because
that's what they demand.

Am I going crazy?
I don't even know.
even if I was,
my body couldn't tell me so.

I just don't know what to do,
what to say,
or who to talk to.

But I know I'll find a way,
if someone could tell me I'm okay.

Hate
is an inaccurate word.
I want you to *die.

I feel like I should save you,
because I've been there,
because I've done that.

But who am I to save you?
can't even save myself,
and I hate that.

I feel as though I know you;
because I feel like you're a mirror.
I'm staring at myself;
my reflection's getting clearer.

I fell down again today,
I thought I was done for sure.
All the pain and sadness,
dropped me straight to the floor.

I felt like a ******* brick,
made of lead,
tied to an anchor;
and someone decided
to drop me,
into a sea of misery.

I thought for sure
"I can't do this,
I can't take it anymore."

But I swear to god,
I heard your voice,
and I got up off the floor.

I swear,
you were there,
and the weight lifted once more.
I know,
you were there;
it didn't hurt anymore.

Thank you.