Save me from these prying eyes
who wish to see through my disguise.
There's a reason why I'm cloaked;
the sadness must be choked.

I've beat it down
and seen it drown;
why is that not enough?
I've poisoned it,
I've clawed and bit
but it still makes me frown.

If there's a way,
I'd like to know,
I'd like to move on now.
So this I'll say,
I won't let go;
life goes on somehow.

No matter what,
I will be tough,
this will not break me down.
My walls are strong;
suppressing the throng,
I will not be run-down.

Someone once asked me,

When you close your eyes,
do you know if the darkness ends?

I replied,

No, I'm just as lost as you are.

It's then that I realized,
is it my own fault I'm lost?
Why am I worrying about the small things?
Why does it matter where the darkness ends?
I'll find my way out...right?

I'm starting to think,
that my narcotics are narcissistic.
I'm starting to think,
that they think they can control me.
I'm starting to think,
antidepressants are tricking me into thinking I'm weak.
But I'm starting to think,
that it doesn't matter where the darkness ends.

I'll find my way out of the lethargic fog clouding brain;
kicking and screaming and clawing
like I usually do.
Does the darkness ever end?
Does it even matter if it does?

I'll fight it 'til the ******* end.
**Antidepressants do not make me weak.

I get high to get by.
It's the only way I see,
to ease the pain that's slowly
growing inside of me.
My friends can't stand the change,
they give me misguided looks,
they seem to look at me
like my face is full of hooks.
I hate to see them judge me,
but they don't really know,
I've found a path to happiness,
but it seems so false and slow.
They think I'm like a stoner,
smoking myself to space,
but really, I'm a loner,
looking for an embrace.

The only place I feel safe,
is tucked inside his arms.
I feel like a helpless waif,
so in need of his charms.
Cuz my parents bring me down,
and I'm unsure of my friends,
could anyone accept me,
without going through a cleanse?
Cuz I'm done with faking happy,
for everyone else's sake,
this little slice of happy
is for me, only, to take.

I don't know how to tell you,
that it's so hard to get by,
and if there's one thing that I've realized,
it's that I only smile when I'm high.