It Starts
when he carves a home into your heart,
shoots a bullet between your ears
and scratches his name under your eyelids.
he controls you, he is on top,
and you are nothing but the cheap *****
and five dollar cigarettes you taste like.
and again again again he will whisper
‘i love you i love you iloveyou’
like he is promising the world.
you know he’s only promising another bruise
right on your nerves,
and another night spent anything but alone.
no matter how hard you try to
push him
out.

And Then
after a while, you lose yourself
like you did before,
when you weren’t black and blue.
you promise yourself better
while you let the bad leak out
and drink your own good in.
every time you try to let him out,
and make everything scar over,
somehow he gets back in, but deeper.
in deeper than the bullet between your eyes,
the knife between your veins,
the cracks in your mirror.
and it stings more than the
spiderweb gashes on the backs
of your
hands.

In The End
you will beg and plead and scream
‘i love you i love you iloveyou’
again and again and ‘again’.
he’ll lose his nerve like you lost your breath,
‘again please again’ like you lost your heart,
‘please god just one more time’
like you
lost
your
mind.