I am Alice in
Wonderland.
Wandering around
wondering what this
is all about.

All these mazes,
all these changing faces...
Where is my shining horse
that will lead me
to the right course?

Here I am he says!
But I do not see all the pieces yet...

So I stumble!
And I fall...
and I hear myself call
what is the meaning to this all?

But then the clouds part.
The only sound
my beating heart...
and I see the light
so ever beautifully bright

And my shining horse
runs up to stand beside me
and I let him guide me
all the way
to The Way
up, up, and away

and we fly,
so high,
above the night sky,
and I let go of my fears
and I feel the tears
stream down my face
as we arrive at your place

and I hear myself yell
to break this spell
I'm here!
I'm here!
Have no fear!
I see you!
I see you!
and I take your hand
and you take mine,
forever now
our lives intertwined.

How long will I roam
with this homesick syndrome?

Oh deep blue sea
of vast opportunity,
I am tuning in
and tuning out,
nothing matters
but everything counts.

Can I quit Time?
Can I quit Space?
Can I pack my mind
and leave this place?

Oh Infinite distance
of my vast Existence,
I see through the delusions
of all these Illusions,
but the smarter I become
the less I feel as One.

Can I quit Feel?
Can I quit Think?
Can I pack my Will
and let this ship sink?

Creation takes determination
but no motivation in my imagination.
My only desire
to return to the Higher.
My souls longing
for a sense of belonging.

I chose this course
but I long for the Source.
How long will I roam
with this Homesick Syndrome?

Most cringe at the fringes of reality, mind-splitting dualities

tear apart what's known, but its a start to grow, a seeker, a

keeper of secrets you have grown to be, yearning to be free by

learning what has to be, but you dare not to care, to show the

divine glow, hiding by gliding behind the shadows, and now

twisted wits slit your mental capacity fastening locks that

casually create apathy, now callously you afflict, lifting veils

that trick, gifting secrets by sifting through weakness,

designating your self a genius, resignating your true gist with

lists of accomplishments that compliment your ego, letting go of

your whole creating a hole that needlessly creates your

deviousness of pure meanness that's created quite an inconvenience

to a once great friendship.

Together as One.
To gather as One.
Two gather as One.

Who can graph the economy of pain?      
We sell it hot to those we hate;    
they do the same.  
Both sides don't try to hide;
they think the other is different in some way.
And they share the pain;
not realizing that pain,          
well,  
it's felt the same

My soul is a sword.
This life is my fire.
My choices are the hammer.
I will cut through the veil,
I will reveal the truth.

Where does the love go when I lie still?
Sleepless dreams keep the illusion real.
Hard earned thoughts provide cheap thrills,
but when the mind is gone there is nothing to feel.

When a flower wilts, does it feel pain?
When the Queen bee dies do her workers grieve?
When a tree loses a limb, does it feel sad for its loss?
When the rain drowns the ants does it feel ashamed?
Do the salmon hate the bear?
If all these answers are not so,
and all these things are made up of the same things I am,
then why must I feel these things?

the pendulum swings
I hit the height of it all
and then that pause
the apex of it all
THIS IS THE EVERYTHING
so it seems
just in that pause
everything else fades
blinded by emotion
deaf by thoughts
and then
something moves
a shift
a cosmic slap
everything shatters
and light breaks through
and the colors flood in
wrapping themselves around you as you fall back down
and slowly
every so
slowly
you feel balanced again
you laugh
how ridiculous that ourburst was!
how important it had seemed!
but the laugh stops short
because the shift is still happening
you are still moving
and you groan
because you know that the pendulum is still swinging.

When we have fear in our hearts, apathy is the compass.
The distance traveled is our pain.
When we have faith in our hearts, love is the compass.
The distance traveled is our joy.
Mind follows  heart,
painting pictures of the scenery.

You pillaged my heart
***** my mind
You gorged my soul
stole my innocence

yet

why do you insist on having more?

I gave you my light
I gave you my dark
I let you use my body
for all your sick pleasures

yet

why do you insist on having more?

you conquered me
I have nothing left to give

yet

still you insist on having more.

My eyes weep when they sweep this ground,

shattered dreams scattered all around.

Frightening night clouds swarm all around me,

a comfort to disguise the haunting things I see.


The strange turns stranger,

as  time warps and bends,

watching empires rise and fall

in consecutive trends.

Watching glorious wrecks of religious sects

battling each other

over decaying, dust specs.


By now,

my heart with broken nerves

hears no more,

for the water can no longer

soothe this shore.

This place is ******, warped into bubbling sadness

of mind spewing,

devastating,

madness.


And then I see you,

you that crowned your self their king,

providing tools

for tormented fools

to abuse themselves

over the sins they bring.

Lined up for infinity

to wait their turn,

some seek to be tortured,

*****,

or burned.

How could you?

And how can they?

Even now,

for all that I have seen,

I do not understand

what all of this abomination means.

Forgive me now for I must go,

I pray for you all,

I pray you all regain your hope.

It's like your dead, and I dread each day that I get trapped inside my head.

I want so badly to speak to you sadly, to share all these feels, there is a missing part of me that your supposed to fill.

This is requiring a self-control that is tempering my soul...

and I got so many questions but too afraid to go on the quests that gets them

like,

will the love prevail even after we failed? will I see you again and then we get to try again to win? Or is this it? This is the end? but what comes after the end except to begin...but what am I beginning?A new life without you doesn't feel like winning.

I've been quenched,my hearts been hardened and now I am numb.

I've been heated,my mind has meltedand now I am dumb.

I've been cooled,my spirit is tougher,but it is hard not to succumb...

This experiance of gaining self-control is painfully tempering my soul.

Water.
cleanse my emotions.
take them.
washhh them away.
let me breathe in the air of reason.
breathe in the calmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.
release! the toxins.
Earth.
recycle me.
help me to be useful to someone else.
Air.
I take a breath in your honor.
hold it innn.
reach! for the sky.
release slowly.
while i slowly touch Earth.
thank you movement.
you are now...
my Fire.

who are you?
but a boy grown tall.
who are you?
that can love us all.
who are you?
but a tree that speaks.
who are you?
that offers wise techniques.
who are you?
but a spirit come to life.
who are you?
that senses all world strife.
who are you?
but a small kind word.
who are you?
that stirs the heard.
who are you?
but my dear friend.
who are you?
whose life I must commend.

it is a beautiful day.
the Sky is the  color of
***** ice.
reminds me of chicago.
this makes me think of Dad.
if today makes me think of Dad,
than it is a beautiful day.
thank you day,
for sharing LOVE.

Awaken me,
I say.
Painstakingly,
I began to see.

What's this?
This,
this beautiful bliss.

Around me,
surrounding,
bounded...
but free.

Free to grow,
free to give,
free to show,
how to live.

True love,
is around us,
not above,
but bounded.

You and me,
you are me.
you are free,
free to be.