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aleya ridzuan Jun 2018
do you read them,
do you understand it,
it could be a cry for help,
or a cry for attention,
what even is the difference,
it’s for people to notice,
i guess it will always be ignored,
do i even matter,
they don’t care,
why should they even bother.
aleya ridzuan Jun 2018
buckets of tears,
mountains of tissues,
melancholic atmosphere,
unsolved problematic issues,
if my mind was a computer,
it would contain damaged miscellaneous files,
affected with virus,
that people dont get,
those viruses would be all the negative overthinking,
that people won’t understand.
-AR-
aleya ridzuan Jun 2018
She
She puts a smile on her face every morning,
to make peoples day,
She typed laughing emojis when its very much killing her inside,
She, the one people see who is always cheerful,
is the one who always cries quietly at night,
afraid to wake her peacefully sleeping sister,
She, the one who has beautiful dreams,
the dreams she think would never happen,
She always stare out the window,
music in her ears,
the cloud cries with her,
trying to blow away the overthinks,
seats she wished that weren’t empty,
remain unoccupied,
she doesn’t understand the lonesome she felt,
she just wants a shoulder to cry on,
but it’s her pillow that was soaked,
as she felt no one is listening,
so she stopped trying to talk,
doing what she do best,
bottling everything up.
aleya ridzuan Jun 2018
it was the age of 14 when she first tried it,
out of curiosity became an addiction,
she never thought it was addictive,
she just wanted to try it,
she wanted to know what it feels like,
until that day where she feels like doing it again,
for the second time only she says,
third time only she says,
fourth time, and it goes on until she lost count,
funny how she never gets caught by her parents,
she used to do it out of lust but then shes doing it out of frustration,
a puff for frustration, another for depression and another without any hesitation,
she got to college and started making kind friends,
they found out about her addiction,
she then stopped with a help from them,
she’s 20 now and haven’t been doing it for a year,
but came one day, where everything ***** her life,
where she feels like she’s a ******* mess,
she has it in her hands now,
but she let it burn off thinking the reasons she stopped,
she wouldn’t want to let her effort go to waste,
she’s just here thinking, what to do to help her think straight,
when she suffocate,
or to help with her problems,
so she threw the whole pack that she just bought,
blasting loud music in her ears,
and just shut the world.

— The End —