i control this manikin in the mirror
i am outside this body,
it is simply just a home
i am the striking whiteness in a glare
the order of the pretties flowers,
the floating feeling one has as you hover on water,
my deepest thoughts, my entirety of being: really nothing at all.
declare anything to be and it shall be but maybe everything isn’t anything to begin with

she is perfect to me;
in the way she gets excited about the moon,
falling in love with the world as i fall in love with her,
id tie her shoes the way she likes every day if that means she’ll kiss me goodnight
she is perfect to me in the way she loves apple juice and concord grapes, she mixes her pasta in with her sauce, how happy she is when she hears  her favorite songs
i love every thing about her more each day

i cannot recall specific dates
my memories live in the songs i listened to on repeat in the long nights
replaying them now to bring me back,
romanticizing my life as if it was some cinematic masterpiece
i try to hard to just hold on to the past but the past no longer exists in the present

i think the sun and the moon share a special type of love,
it seems only in the moments during blue light do they finally get to meet,
in the blue dawn just before the sun rises he speaks to her,
and with the setting sun he says goodbye before the night sweeps,
with grace, she waxes and wanes,
she awaits him,
turning seas for him,
appearing in the morning and evenings in chance she sees him,
she does not see when he scorches the earth,
nor has she ever looked into the sun with open eyes,
he may be the light to her darkness but he is a blazing fire,
but little does she know her powers.

i know i love her
because it no longer hurts when she hurts me
she could do anything and i would always want her.  
i will always forgive her
not as if she needs to be forgiven
but if so, it would be unquestionable.

and i think i love her,
because of how i miss her laugh,
remembering her joyful tones dipping and rising, she rings angelic in every way.
but she is perfect in an unexplainable way,
and i think that’s what love is,
something so special you can never quite explain its beauty.

i thought about her lip gloss on my lips the whole drive home,
the way she looked back before kissing me, like she really wanted to,
she always makes me smile.
i feel like i could sit and watch the stars with her for the rest of my life and be content.
i feel like i could be content doing anything with her,
she doesn’t know how beautiful she is,
i wish people understood how special they are,
how they make others feel.

to live today like it’s my last or to just exist through it,
a balance i’ll never find.

because she makes me feel as peaceful as a lilly soaking up the sun,
i could lay with her for hours,
bare, even when i feel so lackluster,
and she makes me feel like i could melt into the sheets beneath me,
melt with her,
to remind myself that even in the silkiness as we melt i must remember she still holds a flickering flame,
but when i lay with her i feel like i can finally exhale after all these years,
to remind my 15 year old self that it will all be alright,
maybe i should reconsider; people are boring and she is a fire that i will always follow.

the light dances through the leaves forming a kaleidoscope,
nature itself colliding together,
enriched by the suns gleaming rays,
powered by flower petals that may fall after season,
and crawling vines that entrap me ,
in a world that reminds me i must continue to grow

this is half of who i want to be

ingest me with your proboscis!
feast on my flesh!
bubble my epidermis!
choose me! drink me !
at least someone wants me !
then again if i see you please know i won’t hesitate to squish you between my fingers.

i think, anything but that thought
the needle on the record player always skips my song.
i don’t want to think about it!
tomorrow i’ll do it tomorrow.
i say that every day.

I wish I could change in phases as gracefully as you,
waning and growing,
dissolving into space through the break of dawn,
you remind me I will once turn to dusk,
my body returned back into the earth to line the ground with moss
push me,
your beauty and strength,
your femininity
I will kneel, head bowed , my spin curved downwards for your beams to cut through the night,
to wash over me,
wash over me like the great waves you create that pommel down on the oceans floor,
without you we would have no power.