you are tangled
among the loose threads of my thoughts
inevitably lingering in my dreams

you are first to appear on my mind when i wake up
in the early hours of the morning
and you never leave
not even when i fall asleep
much too late at night

although sleeping without you next to me
is considerably more difficult
than sleeping with you
silently wrapped around me
your heart beating with mine
your gentle breathing on the back of my neck
sending warm shivers down my spine

and i know
that the words i'm saying now
aren't nearly enough
but understand

that i've spent hours contemplating
over the right words
but no combination of twenty six letters
could ever capture even a fraction of this feeling
that i have for you

they say
that if you drop a crumpled piece of paper
and a rock
at the same time
they will reach the ground
at the same time

they say
that it has to do
with mass and surface area
also weight and gravity
and loads of other things
that i don’t pretend to understand

however
it doesn’t take a genius to see
that i am falling for you
faster than you
are falling for me

it doesn’t make sense
because science says
that no matter what
the two objects should reach the ground
at the same time

so why am i down here
looking up
at you

i just need to sleep on this head
full of forgotten strengths and ever-present sorrows
and hope that the stale morning will come
within the blink of an eye

and
like thick steam
my thoughts will dissipate into the cold, dry air
and become nothing but a homogeneous mixture
of nitrogen and oxygen

soon consumed
into my waiting lungs
too damaged by smoke
to know the difference between clean air
or anything else

when i get home
i spill my desires
all over my bedroom floor

and my walls are still drying
from the fresh coat of misery
that was applied the night before

and i should clean out my closet
but i'm worried that i'll be flooded
with the tears that are hiding there

and i'm scared to look under my bed
because i don't want to face
all of the abandoned dreams

so i push those feelings back
along with everything else
and sit in a corner alone with my thoughts
until 2 am
because i'll forget to look at the clock every couple of seconds
or hours
or forever

it's tedious work
to see all beauty swimming through your mind
and not being able to transform it
into a language that others can comprehend

it's a disastrous task
to have a staring contest
with an inanimate object
and lose every time
something like that--

i'm drawing a blank

our june sun is setting
although i'm starting to think
it had never risen

perhaps our eyes were tricked
and we were only making hopeless wishes
on the moon

waking up with the windows shut
no light making it's way through
a job well done at blocking it's path

not wanting it to be real
this awakening
curse these eyes that dare to open
and start a new day

curse this body
that knows when the sun is up
even if it can't be seen

sleep is wishful thinking now
perhaps a more permanent solution

even though giving up
was never a realistic option