I heard you whisper I love you as you walked out the door
I'm glad you thought I was asleep
Because I don't know how I feel anymore
It's too soon to tell, if this is the beginning of the end
But I don't know if I can go back to your love again

I say your name
Aloud, to myself
When I am so frustrated
So fed up
When all my hopes are lost
And my faith in you has run out
When I can’t cry anymore
When I can’t remember another thing
Because every memory I’ve already had with you
Has just flashed before me
When I know you’re with her
And not with me
I say your name
Aloud, to myself
And hear how significant it sounds
Then I take the significant out
I say your name
Aloud
To remind myself that that is all you are to me now
A hollow name
Not someone I should ever love
And then I convince myself that it was all a dream
A hollow name, a perfect dream
You no longer mean a thing to me…
Until the next day
When I no longer can hear hollowness in your name
And I must repeat the same old thing

If this is the end
I’ll go out with a bang
You won’t shut me down
Ruin my name
I’ll do what I need to
To survive
Even with
You weighing my sides
You think you’ve won
But I’m just playing
This waiting game
I’ll show up soon
At your door
And say
Don’t pretend
You’re a mother
Mothers are kind
Don’t pretend
You’re wronged
You’re ignorant and blind
Don’t pretend
You’ll see me again
I’m done with you
But all of this aside
You should get yourself together
Try to remember what matters
Chose some priorities
That aren’t about yourself
And then maybe
Just maybe
I’ll be back around
But probably not
This is goodbye
I want all my stuff
This is goodbye
Let’s pretend you were enough
Hopefully that speech
Will open your eyes up

It’s easier when I push it from my mind
It’s easier when I pretend everything’s fine
I pretend I’m not scared
And even I believe it
I pretend I don’t care
But I still feel it
It’s easier when we don’t speak to one another
It’s easier when we’re not together
I pretend not to miss you
And even I believe it
I pretend I don’t need you
But I still feel it
It’s easier when I pretend you care
It’s easier when I pretend you’re there
I pretend I’m home
And even I believe it
I pretend I’m in my bed
But I can’t feel it

I close my eyes
The darkness consumes me
I venture into nothing
Embracing the feeling
Wondering what waits
But I think I know…

All the walls are white
My mind didn’t color them tonight
But this isn’t the hospital
The stairs do spiral
But not because I’m sick

I walk up the contraption
Carefully placing each step
On my weightless legs
Searching for…
Memories a blur…
I’ve reached the top
He’s been waiting
I should have gone to bed early

I needed to be with him
Or was that my intention?
Do I even know this man?
He seemed so familiar
Just a moment ago
He seemed like…

He motions me through the doorway
I forget what was on my mind
His brown eyes are urging me
I clear the threshold

And now I’m outside
The grass radiates green
The sky oozes blue
The colors are so vibrant…
Wasn’t I on the second floor?
Where’d that man go?
I’m always chasing him around
He’s always telling me what to do
Always misleading me

There’s a redundancy in this nightly game
I wish he’d go away
But my mind wants me to remember his face
I turn back towards the door
He thinks he fooled me again
I’ll find him soon…

I walk through the strange meadow
Over the flat terrain
There’s a hill on the horizon
This stays the same
I walk faster
The hill is no closer
So much frustration
I hear his voice calling me over

I turn around
He is there
Wearing a giant grin
He’s won again
At least it’s somewhere beautiful
I’m not dwelling in a nightmare
But as soon as I’m content…

The ground drops out
There is nothing around but dark
I remember seeing his face
Remember him…
I try
And then I weep
A speechless dream
Is all he’ll ever be

What’s another shot?
What’s another hit?
Tonight we’re meant to forget.
Tonight, hasn’t even started yet.

I’m so far gone.
Looked at the clock.
Checking for the weather.
Why was I going outside again?
Doesn’t matter anyways,
Its 10:30 degrees.

There’s a ****.
Who left it lying around?
What’s it’s name?
Warrior Bill or The Black Knight?
Whatever.
I’m gonna pack my ganga tight.
And now the people gather around,
Ripping Pro K-tearing his bowl pack down.

Where am I?
I must conserve electricity.
I’ll blow out this candle.
Now I’m cold.

This is a whole new level
I wish I had had a sneak peak or a preview
Of what exactly I would become here
It’s all false smiles and false hopes
Risking lives and selling dope
Living for smoke…
Thankfully I have not fully submerged
Into this sea of Mary Jane culture
But I’m treading water
Trying to stay afloat
It’s so tempting to drown
To become part of the careless crowd
But I haven’t given up
I cannot find a right or wrong
Just a lifestyle
A passion
It’s a matter of opinion
I couldn’t share mine
Because I can’t decide
I’m too high all the time
Maybe if everyone lit up
If everyone opened up
We would mellow out
And we wouldn’t be smoking
To fight the man
We’d be smoking with him
Sharing our ideas
Coinciding
Not colliding
Maybe it’s the answer
…maybe it tears us apart.

There’s a joint.
Here’s a ****.
We’re all together.
Loving this song.

There’s a blunt.
Here’s a bowl.
We’re all together.
Singing along.

There’s a tree.
Here’s a car.
We’re all together.
Burning cruising along.

There’s a cop.
Here’s some ***.
We’re all together.
Getting caught.

There’s a siren.
Here’s the spray.
We’re all together.
Getting arrested today.

There’s the newspaper.
Here’s the article.
We’re all together.
Being publically in trouble.

There’s the parents.
Here’s where I stay.
No one’s together.
Grounded for forever.

There’s our freedom.
Here’s wherever.
We’re all together.
Toking another.

There’s a lesson.
Here’s a favor.
When we’re all together.
Always look in the review mirror.