Stumbled across the ocean. Always wondered where the first place I'd find it would be. Stumbled into Argentina where the black girls are scarce, I wonder how many have seen the ocean? Up until now it was just blue space on the map. 20 years old and never seen the ocean, have you even lived? Who deprived you of such a simple thing? 70% of this earth you never touched or seen. Stumbled into argentina and I finally saw the ocean. South America granted a long lost dream.

Two am.
Irritation swelled all day I couldn't help but throw it all at him. Giving up so much claiming exasperation and nothing left to give. He stopped and asked why are you so angry, this isn't like you...he broke the flood gates to all I had pent up. Emotions I didn't know were there. He sailed through my floodgates to the root of my anger and saved me from drowning. Baby, love is a life vest and you gave me a chance. CPR, breathing the girl you knew back into the body she had abandoned. Baby, you are every friend, every man, everything I have ever loved and God doesn't make mistakes so I stopped questioning why and how and just cried as I prayed. Thank you, thank you. I don't deserve the love you give, but God doesn't make mistakes. I asked for a man in his image and he sent me you.

I'm starting to think Saturday's are supposed to be late mornings because breakfast lasts longer that way. Leaving around 4 to catch a settled sun. Hundreds of merchants in the park as the live music goes from the close bluegrass bop to the distant rock drums. Saturday's have become ears filled with Spanish noises you've learned to ignore because the pain of dancing still in your toes from your night of bachata speak louder. Walking to the ferria as the sun settles and since you're alone you finally get to listen and watch without being interrupted bites of alfajores sweeter with the solitude. Finding your love in each couples palms as they hold hands, remembering how much you miss your boyfriend as you walk in the direction of the sun. So settled and strong it looks as if it's rising like your hips used to do as you felt loved. Steps feel lighter and your shirt blows with the wind and for once you start to think this is what You always wanted out of this. Finding your face in the rips of a passerbys jeans, feeling your muscles as you wonder where the stairs lead to. Today you had time. Watching backflips that demanded applause and handcrafts that merchants hope you'll take off their hands. All the while it's only 6 o clock on a Saturday and you feel as if the day won't be as perfect as it is right then. Feeling like the first kiss on the Friday night, you waited and it finally came. Saturdaze.

Fingers stuck in time grazing complexions similar to cinnamon.
Feeling sweetness not too unlike the cinnamon that melts to create your skin.
My host mother hands me cinnamon to sprinkle lightly over softened apples.
I can't help but think of you.

Wanted to read about black girl happily ever afters and the heroine that was and loved her hero.
My pen once itched with sadness and could only bleed tears.
Needed a manual to teach me how to be me
How to love when it was too hard
Because I was too busy scribbling aching stories and screaming for answers
Not noticing the happily ever after was falling in front of me

I love you.

Black bodies
The most hated body
The most athletic body
Because we are taught to run
Before we are born
Born into lives
That are only safe if white

Anything worth having is worth fighting for.
I fought to get here,
I have to fight to stay
Living a life that's so extraña
Smelling air I'll soon olvido
So I'll have to learn to take mental pictures as I camino por las calles
Como yo espero para el colectivo
For the first time I knew where I was going and it started to become a habit
Home becoming more and more this city where I know very little
Like a niña in kindergarten again
Starting over
Recomenzar
Mama parece more and more unlike my face
But heart just the same
Language different but she's mastered estreno in all languages
An expert in ayúdame
I'm so small in this big city
Wide eyed and afraid
But I knew where I was going for the primera vez
God brought me here quedar.