She walks in five minutes late and no one budges to make room for her into their group.
She knows her five minutes late has set her behind because no one wants to help, especially not her.
They see her and don't trust her intelligence, it doesn't show across her uncomfortable face.

So in 45 minutes she was confused because no one wanted to take the time to explain, they didn't hear what she was asking, brushing her off with a quickness as if she was ****** either way.

She woke up thirty minutes early twice just to attend office hours that left her more clueless, and her aid more frustrated with her lack of comprehension. So she gave up.

She went to the bathroom and looked at herself questioning her intelligence just as those around her already do based on her brown skin, her big hair, her bright lips. She wiped tears from frustration and grabbed her things and left. She knew her peers saw her bloodshot eyes, her TA knew that she was giving up. She just couldn't be the dumb black one.

She was alone and helpless, fending for herself.

I find myself in a three- way love affair.
An intersection of different loves that live in me
Love that helps me find beauty, and give it back to the Earth
Give it back to the Lord.

He's helped me love him, give myself to him
and gaining myself in return
It's the beautiful form of true love once you're submerged in his water
and cleansed of all that held you back from love.

He promised love would come through him.

Sending me someone that was made in his form, forcing me to learn
forcing me to open my eyes to new perspectives.
We fall into a three way love affair, putting you first
and being grateful enough to find each other through you.

He's helped me love her.
Singing imperfections with love
Smiling at her reflection at her worst
Taking pride at her best
A weight is lifted because she's blessed enough
to now know the difference between all the loves we thought we had known
and truly what being loved is
what loving is.

It is you.

Find someone that slow dances with you to fast songs.

Slow it down.
Put your arms around his neck as he pulls you in by your waist.
Look up just enough so your cheeks can press together as you just
R o c k
To an inexistent beat the two of you created just to make this space feel like it's just the two of you.

*aint nobody in the world, but you and i

What do you love about yourself*


I fell in love with her the way summer comes. Bringing an anticipated feeling of freedom, a release of pent up cold and frustration. Self love warmed my soul and abandoned my lonely. I am lucky to love her. Not for my vanity, but for our survival.

That glimmer of sunshine when I force rage upon myself. I don't think you know that you saved me and this wrecked heart of mine. Opening me up more as your calm meets my storm. I'll tell them of a love song that I thought could never be wrote. I'll sing it while my storm rages, I'll hum it while we live in a calm. You are that glimmer of sunshine that opens my heart up to not being alone.

Dear Lexi

I've watched you transform from a child to a young woman over these past twenty years, and I couldn't be more proud of you. I've witnessed the first hand glow of you in the morning, I've heard your laugh, your tears, your shoulders as they drooped with despair. I love you Lexi. Because despite all the trials you've endured, you never falter. You make people around you happy simply by your presence and you are loved by many.

They don't know like I do how you pray every night for your friends and family's safety, for guidance, for strength, for courage. You prayed faithfully to learn your worth and now its found. I prayed for you too Lexi, I prayed one day you'd see you were settling and that God had more in store for you, that you'd have to go through hell to get there but it'd be worth it if you just let him in your heart. Isn't it worth it Lexi?

I'm so happy you love yourself now more than ever because you deserve yourself more than anyone. So deserving.

I admire the sensitivity in your heart that conflicts with your motivation. See I understand how much you miss your family, but cannot go home. They are why you're here. They depend on you to be here for them, and they're worth you crying when they say they miss and love you. Stay focused Lexi, it will all pay off I promise.

I admire your love for new things and people.
I laugh at your wit.
I want to hold you when you want to fade away.
I want to be your rock when you cannot be strong.

Changing each day into a better woman, friend, Christian, lover, sister, daughter, student, person.

I love you more than I love myself Lexi.