"get in the car," my father says


passing the richest of green trees,soft wind peaking through my slightly cracked window attempting to break the deadly silence.

The longest minutes of my adolescent life.

a callous beginning to form through the intensity of my fathers hand and the leather steering wheel, somehow cradling his heart in between




"You have arrived at your destination"




to the house of a man who filtered his unfaithful dynamite into a marriage, and set it on fire.

my fathers best friend.

I can see a sliver of water poking at his eyes, but he will never let me see him cry.

he'd let heart break ****** him before showing me weakness.

the car door slams and all I have is the low fan of air keeping me from sweating.

sitting on the leather seat, passenger side. the side she once blessed her presence with.




Now this car holds two.

but the drivers seat is full, spilling over actually, with anger.




"If I could get away with it, I'd **** him."




I then realized my father is too broken, and ill to think he takes up needed space in the world.

His heart is too crowded to entertain my feelings.

and with that, for the first time,




I am truly alone.

world full of plastic
plastic people I should say
Some roam around
feeling hopelessly bound
to the thoughts in their head
the ones that want them to stay in bed

"don't leave me."
says that little voice you hate so much,
but always let it take control
this voice, it leaves you vulnerable
making you do things you never thought you would

But that's how the world works right?
surprises come and go
some making you stop in motion
scared to take the next step
frightened of the very notion
of being rejected

in this plastic world
sympathy begins to fade
as well as my brain
as the high takes me away
away into my own little world
of self happiness and time is on hold

In my world there is no plastic
no fake people
just us being equal

You are day, and I am night.

We could not be more different.

When you are here I am out of sight.

But my life would not be, without you in it.

Separate times we come out to play

spending our little time wisely.

Cursed I am if you were gone

But I can not take your love lightly.

I try and try but have you know.

That trying is never enough.

We both can bring on down the snow.

But you were always more tough.

You're are beautiful but you burn such eyes.

Your beauty is to be pondered from a distance

then still you find a way to live much deceiving lies.

But I depend on one like you. You're my very substance.

A substance like no other.

You could be considered a drug.

In the end you know we both rely on each other.

Every night she wakes in terror

thinking you are coming to get her

her reflections shows a strong girl

but when she sees your face her mind becomes a whirl

this whirl of emotions she cannot control

trapped inside her head she seeks pity in her soul

worst part is you will never know how you truly make her feel

every moment she sees you making her want to squeal 

the things you have done you will never understand

Now she thinks twice of holding someone's hand

the trauma is raised inside her innocent head

she thought she was in love, but you just wanted her in bed

not wanting to make you mad she did exactly what you said

a year later she lays in her bed at 2am

haunted by your face

heart beating at too high of a pace

fearing your appearance still to this day

leaving her with no more words to say

We forget the bigger picture
what it meant to you means different to her
regret is something we all face
varied ways our lives will pace
an extent our brain can only hold
each mind made from a different mold
a life a day is taken away
violence has become the modern norm today
we go through this endless rotation
of so called peace, love, and typical discrimination
when will we realize this bigger picture
every ethnicity, we are just a mixture
the world full of broken souls aching for attention
tainted young ones starving for affection
searching for a life full of excellence and success
when all we need to search for is our own self happiness
this life will go on without you in it
your legacy can last a life time if you really mean it
what you leave behind that's all up to you
for now we walk this earth confused on what to do
representing our country with a lack of respect
genuine simplicity not being a well known asset  
scrambling about for the perfect life
while he witnessed a bullet go through his wife
whats messed up about our world
is that peace is only temporary
getting caught up in arbitrary
a soulless way of living
is sudden and unforgiving
lives are stolen from innocent people
individuals not knowing how to be whole and equal

Because your the one I think about at 2am when I lay here by myself with my thoughts only to me where nobody can take them away or barge into my mind without asking. I sit here and think of what it could be. What I would be doing right now with you not anyone else because no one else matters at 2am except for you.

I need you.
Here.
Now.
I crave your exsistance.
Desperate for change,
Yet I need things to stay the same.
I want to hear your voice,
Because the ones in my head
Are gaining control.
Leaving me vulnerable.
"Quit."
They say.
But I can't.
I'm afraid.
Afraid of what's to come,
And somewhat afraid of you.
Because you know me.
You know everything.
Every secret.
Every thought I think but never say aloud...you know.
It scares me, because you may understand me more than I understand myself.

- A.M.

A locked glance down the hallway.

That's all I need to fall in love with you again.

But I won't.

For a love like that again is to be a vague memory yet, it feels like it happened yesterday.

Opened wounds still left for you to infect.

I give you my shattered heart and mind, only to crush it a little more.

So no I will not let your memory linger into my brain, but just know that I will never forget.

If I went back time
and changed our fate             
would I still be your friend
or someone you hate


would the memories be gone
as well as the jokes
what if you moved on
and this was all a hoax

so here I am
asking for an answer
If I went back in time
and changed our fate

would I still be your sister
or someone you hate