There's a little  nuisance inside the walls of my brain
Oh the thoughts are driving me insane
I can't shut them off, nor close my eyes
I need to come up with a clever devise
Tricking my brain will be quite the task
I wish it would do whatever I ask
I just want to catch up on some sleep
But my thoughts are haunting me so deep
Congrats little nuisance in my mind
You're achieving your goal, one of a kind
To keep me awake and solely focused on you
I have no idea what I'm going to do

Punch in four little numbers;
One; seven; four; five.
The time clock begins.
Another day in the hell I'm in.
Will I survive?
Too many people to please.
Empty phone calls
Empty white walls
Insanity is awaiting,
Day, after day, after day.

How sweet the sound of amazing grace that saves filthy sinners like me.
Who are not even close to worthy of accepting the gift of God's love that is
             Relentless;
                       Unwaivering;
                                  No strings attached.
He died a painful death upon the cross to save lives like mine.
Ones that can't even resist the smallest temptations put before us, though we know the extent of the evil one.
Why is it that we cling to the things of this world that are
              Evil;
                    Destructive;
                                Corruptive;
Instead of holding onto the everlasting promises of our Lord Jesus that are
              Hopeful;
                      Redemptive;
                                  Life changing.
He took a lost, broken, depressed drug addict, and chose me to do His mighty work; to build up His kingdom.
Not once has He said you're not good enough and you'll never be.
But he took the
               Lost me;
                        Angry me;
                                 Addiction based me;
And said "I'm going to use your story, for my glory, and I'll make you strong enough to resist those things."
For when I am weak, that's when He is strong.
Stronger than any temptation ivs ever faced.
And just like Nehemiah, "I am doing a great work and I cannot come down."

Don't pretend, just be yourself.
When I hear these words I think of something else.
What comes to mind has completely changed,
The ideas that have ironically been rearranged.
Defined by anatomical studies and books on a shelf,
How, then am I supposed to be myself?

Why can't I just let you go...
So much heart ache and pain,
I don't think things will ever be the same.
It's insane.
Am I insane, for letting this all happen to me?
What's next to come?
The only thing could be a tragedy.
It has to be.
It's eating away at the inner walls of my heart.
It's worse than before because mine was broken from the start.
I shouldn't have let my wall down, I shouldn't have let you in.
But, I thought that you'd be different from the rest.
I've seen you at your best though,
Why can't I just let you go?

I miss the way you'd hold my hand in the cold and
          tell me everything would be okay.
I miss the smell of your jacket when you'd pull me
          in and hold me so close to you.
I miss your heart and how it loved me each and
          every step of the way.
I miss how we'd never want to sleep but would
          talk on the phone for hours like there was
          nothing better to do.
Your sweet words.
Your kind heart.
Your ridiculous laugh.
What I wouldn't give to have that all back.