Everyday
is planned out.
I know how it will start.
I know how it will end.
I know what I will feel.
I know what I wish I felt.
Everyday
feelings
emotions
tears that I shed
Is just apart of my everyday
Everyday
I try to make a difference
I try to be nice
I try not to be mean to people
I try to talk normally without an attitude
I don't have one right?
EVERYDAY
I LIE TO MYSELF
EVERYDAY THE ONLY DIFFERENCE IS THE DATE
EVERYDAY
IM A MONSTER TO MY FAMILY, TO MY FRIENDS
EVERYDAY I.am.a.bully
EVERYDAY I hate myself
everyday.
Every day I wake up and live in my own world.
It seems to be falling down now.
But that happens everyday anyway.
Right?

Night and day
They give each other balance
To much of either is bad
Staying to long in this dark makes you lose hope.
Staying to long in this light makes you forget how you got there in the first place.
You lead me here into this dark
This dark that I will not leave
The blinds on the window open sometimes
But I'm still in this dark dark room.
With myself and a door that you're behind
But then all of a sudden you bring lamps into my room and turn the switches on and it's bright. This is the light I soak up. But as I'm soaking up this false ray of hope from your light you're bricking up my last window.

In the early seconds of the morning
When the sun first hits my eyes
I feel innocent
I feel pure
I feel alive
I adjust my sight
Back to my reality of fright
It's not that bad but I always feel as if I have to fight.

I wake up
I feel the lines of dried up makeup that had been dripping down my face the night before
For a moment I woke up and thought it was ok
For a moment I was happy but I forgot that today I am not
I was given control of the little bit of drive I had left in me but I gave it back because it makes no sense to be happy for a moment when a second goes by and the tears start flowing the screams start glowing and then in another second I am floating.
On nothing.
I'm here levitating in my empty grey mind. When suddenly faster then the speed of light I'm DROWNED in all the emotions that I ever experienced in my life.
MY thoughts hold my mouth shut
MY words strangle me
MY reality killed me.
And I gave the a-okay.

I peal the skin off of my lips.
It won't stop until there's only flesh.
Blood that drips into my mouth reminds me I'm still alive.
The thought of being alive keeps me up all night.
I lock my door and huddle to the corner of my bed and put my back to the wall. A million ways to die and I'm still alive? My paranoia is higher than the sky. The cat knocked over a plate.
In my room I was ready with pepper spray. I think of my escape and at that moment I'm ready to fight and possibly fail. One hundred thousand different ways to handle the "killer" but possibly go to jail.
I got scared so I had the cat keep me company while I was thinking about my fate.