I don't really know how to start this.
It's been exactly a year since I could call you a friend. More than a year since I could call you my best friend. Does it matter to you how I'm doing? Do you care that I'm moving in April? Do you care that it broke my heart when I found out you were in town the day of my wedding and not even that could get you to even send me a message? I care. I care how you're doing. I care that you were in town on my wedding day and didn't even tell me. I care that you call Linda your best friend now. I care about Andrea and Karina and the twins. I care about what you're doing. I care about how things affect you. And I feel stupid because I know you don't care. I know you don't care to tell me when you're in town. I know you don't care to tell me about any life updates. And I know you don't give a **** about how I'm doing. You made that clear the last time we talked. It's been a year since we've had a decent conversation and we were best friends since the sixth grade. That feeling couldn't have just went away because you felt like it. You know, people tell me I should just move on from you and get some new friends. And maybe they're right. But you were a big part in my life. It's hard to just let that go.

I love you. And I know this is something that I should say in person, but I have bad memory and I would forget the look on your face when I told you. And I want to remember this feeling when I'm mad at you or sad. I want to be able to look back at this exact moment and know that I don't care what you did, I love you. I don't know if you love me back and I don't care because I love you regardless.  I figured out why I've been sleeping more ever since I met you. It's because I have to have some sort of break from constantly thinking about how perfect you are for me and how ****** of a person I am and how I'm probably going to disappoint you or I'm already disappointing you and how one day you're going to leave and I'm going to be alone again. But I love you. And I know I spend a lot of time with you, and I think you look really cute when you eat. I love the smile on your face when you're telling me a story about a thing you did with your friends. And I love the way your mouth tastes and I love the way you kiss me. I love the way you laugh and I love when you stare at me and tell me that you can't stop because you honestly think I'm beautiful. I love every second with you and I hate when you leave. I love you. I love you. I love you and I chose you and I'm so happy that you chose me. I love you and I will always love you because you make me a better person without realizing it. And I'm constantly rewriting this because no combination of 26 letters could ever possibly describe how much I love you. I love you.

If you know me, or even talked to me at all, you would know I like my music loud because I want to shut the world out. music to me is your lovers voice to you, soothing for me like a mother's voice to her sleepy baby.

You would know that I don't know what I want to be because I love everything and I love nothing.

You would know that I love my freedom because I'm selfish and all I can see is me.

You would know I'm not the type of person to be set to one person because the tune gets boring.

You would know I don't want the red roses on our first date, I don't want to coordinate our colors for prom, I don't want the butterflies in my stomach, I don't want to worry if what I'm doing will hurt your feelings.

You would know that I'm not the type of girl that guys fall in love with.

You would know not to make me a priority because you aren't mine.

You would know that I don't care what you're doing and I won't ever.

I'm not the type to change,
I'm the type to leave you behind and not regret it.

So don't expect anything from me
Because I'm not the type to care.

I am a poet
With no muse.
Baby, come back to me,
I need inspiration.

If you ask me about last year,
I will tell you about how many friends I had.
What we talked about,
What we were interested in.

If you ask me about last year,
I will tell you about the parties I went to.
The people I met.
The embarrassing moments.

If you ask me about last year,
I will tell you about me having great days
And laughter
And happiness.

I'll never tell you about me falling in love.
Or how bad it hurt to lose him.
Or the fights I had with my mom.
Or even the failing grades I had.

I went tell you about the failed attempt
To kick him out of my life.
Or my trip to the hospital
Because swallowed 30 painkillers.

These things that happened,
I'll never tell you about.