always so predictable - retreat to the bathroom

and brush your teeth, reapply the deodorant

for another round. slink back through the door -

cracked enough to let the moans slip out and echo

into the unfurnished house. attempt - and fail

to arouse me with a probing tongue, and whisper

the same compliments that no longer impress.

pause. ******. resume.

lay me on my back or push me up against

the curtained window, it makes no difference to me anymore,

I’ll just close my eyes and pretend, making more noise

in pain than in pleasure. and when I tell you to

come, it’s a plea more for my sake than yours.

I tossed you into the
box of discarded toys
I no longer love

the day before her birthday
she made a wish list:


> a boy to erase
the smudges she’d made
while trying to fix herself

>a pair of faded
jeans that actually fit

>a spiraled notebook
to defend her dreams

>a second chance
to live a life without
the bitter taste of regret


when she blew out the candles
she realized stupidly - she was always so stupid!
that she would never deserve
the former, so she gave herself
the latter
(with a ladder)
and a rope.

kicking and screaming,
she fought
the seaweed that swathed
her limbs in emerald wraps,
but each shout was muted
by the water
polluted
with a thick muck
stained by even
blacker souls
who too thrashed
in that seaweed



it was only
when she'd lost
all hope and desire
to escape the
leafy grips
that the murky bottom
swallowed up
the tangled seaweed
like a serpent's tongue



in those moments,
through bleary eyes
she saw her
worth
wash away
with the angry swells
and she understood -
she reclaimed
her limbs and ascended
upward to salvage
her soul once more
for now
she was weightless.

And it seems this time I'm choking

Not on the falling tears
But on the rising fears

That loneliness is the only thing
         that lasts
Forever