there are no words
no labels or logical understand
I am beyond my own reach
untouchable and unattainable
only the constant aching for contrast
stands ever present in the wake of despair
I'm the disposal service to all my worlds ****
swimming blind in heavens eyes
light runs from me
God is a fantasy
I'll take this daily dread
live and die
silent and alone

subservient is the shade that follows
oh, how she wallows undoubtedly so
bewildered as each footstep eludes
pulled back to the frailties we seek to conclude

entangled beneath the iron tides of time
fixated on my own rotten vision
kept lying and dying awake
forcefully keeping our eyes wide
still faced with how we shiver
until the silence starts to glimmer

I speak out of tone
The cradle rock
Fable stone pages

One fell swoop
Star stricken in remission
Abuser, the unforgiven

Chastised, can't take flight
Hostile winds envelope
Tangled threads of my kite
Stitched into the soul
Whirling chaos, devour the whole

Numbness born of pain
I want none of this
Empty bliss
Selflessness

Black and white
So vivid

I am
Silently livid

The same story rewritten
Somehow shameful
Could be worse
Yes
Baneful

I've lived a little
I've loved a lot
I lost myself to you
We tied our dreams up in a lovers knot
But none of them came true
My solid ground soon turned to quicksand
The warm winds turn to frost
Where does love go
When it has no plan?
When everything is lost?
The only thing that I forgot
Was that we walk alone
I'm learning how to stand again,
A steady hand again.

I'm going to be O.K.
I'm going to be just fine
I'm gonna be alright now
I'm going to make a break
I'm going to take my time
I'm going to be alright now
Alright now

You said you'd love me bigger than the universe the sun and all the stars
You said that there was nothing that we couldn't overcome and yet we fell apart
We fell apart

here goes another day
heads spinning with a rock in my stomach
bearing my crosses, counting my loses
I’ll never be what I want to be
I'll never see what I want to see in me
and I don't care
no I don't care

my body disregards feeling, there's something reeling in me
through the wilderness of sorrow, that's where I'll go
this life is dull and I’m bleeding through the cracks in my soul
but my wounds don’t show to these strangers, they don’t know

we pretend we’re one and the same
but we’re as separate as stars
I like to think that we are

i got so many ******* things to say
but nothing anyone wants to listen to
you just want to turn away from the dark
pretend im not here
and run off to those fake pretty lights

you go with the rest of them
stuff your fat ******* face
with the **** your told to consume

maybe my negative face will find a place
and the world falls silent behind my incessant screaming
it couldn't be more wrong and ****** up
why don't you ******* see????

perhaps I knew a place far beyond this
I know how much better life could be
and thats why I hate it so much right now
could i be just like you?

what is this feeling
this melting away
my insides are weak
in a slow panic
can’t seem to grasp it
why I am this way

I’m on the rise
yet falling

afraid I’ll fall alone

will her steps meet mine?
am I no longer lost
or blinded by an empty hope?

slipping into darkness
an array of thoughts
swarming like moths in a lampshade
hurtful possibilities emerge
saboteur of my own vessel

can another ever love me
want me, need me
as I them?

submerged in cold matter
I’m fragile
forced to live on
my eternal wandering
for a chance to become fully alive

to share my life
what sings to my soul
is an endless desire
I fear that may never change
that my soul will live in shadows
never truly seen or heard by another

I am the only true observer
and that is the feeling of loneliness
that makes me sink into myself

it hurts to be here
painfully present
meaningless
and inevitably forgotten