such a sad, sad lesson to learn

trying to understand the overwhlemingly true sense of isolation when it

hits

you that everyone

leaves

no matter how much you want them to

stay;

they can’t

why can’t i make up my mind

why do i take such things for granted

when they are simply within my grasp?

why do i not feel, nor possess the need to express emotion?

why am i so ******* weird and indecisive?

i guess the future does not have itself planned out in some faraway world,

for if it were, i wouldn’t spend every night crying myself to sleep;

even in my dreams.

I sit here and contemplate why I feel the way I do

Why I feel so alone,

so useless.

When the truth is

I’m just a closed-off,

over-clingy,

*****;

nothing,

no one.

And I get sad for a few minutes,

and drown in a swollen case of over-thinking;

but then I just smirk

and keep

moving

on.

And the process repeats

and repeats

and repeats,

over and

over

again.

i don't think i'll ever

be a good candidate

for marriage

i'm either getting bored of you

or being afraid you'll find something better

never happily gripping your arm to steady myself

or smiling under the shining moonlight

but the pale, soft skin

losing all of it's color

in the dawn of mess ups

or failed attempts

to try and establish something worth

breathing for