When did I last feel brave?
A leap of faith into the cove down below
From the peak of the cliff,
You see, it’s hard to feel brave in a pit of sorrow
Fighting off the same monsters again, and again
Shut off from everything human.

But do you know what is really scary?
Opening up,
Vulnerability, a unique uncertainty,
Closing your eyes and dropping all your defences.

When did I last feel anything?
I unknowingly constructed these stone walls,
A piercing chill rattling my bones,
Skin covered in scars
From the battles long endured,
And feelings exiled to a land long lost.

Until now.

I launch myself blindly into the cove below.
Will I land safely?
Will I get hurt?
Did I make a mistake?

So many questions.
So much doubt.
So little control.

But, that is the nature of being human

Love is a foreign tongue,
An exciting new dynamic,
Much scarier than any demon,
Much more thrilling than any roller-coaster,
I have never been this afraid,

And it makes me feel brave.

How long have I been falling?
It feels like an eternity,
Do you remember? I launched myself
Straight into the cove,
I was scared.
I was brave.

Will I ever land into the bittersweet cove?
Instead suspended,
A multitude of feelings and sensations:
Anger, irritation, happiness, joy, sadness
Where were all of these sensations before,
And why did I simply let them fall?

Wait, wait, wait.
Hold on.
I forgot to note:
I’m not falling alone.

Suddenly, falling was less scary.
Yes! Falling was comforting,
Despite the notion that we were tumbling into oblivion.
Nope. Just us.
Hand in hand, entirely silent,
No words need to be spoken.

Is this what peace feels like?
Our own little bubble,
Our own little world,
No one else had taken the dive, you see!
The air between the cliff and the cove was entirely ours,
Our own little world, free from pressure and stresses.

Others simply found comfort in a miniscule drop.
They were not suspended, however.
It was more like just hitting the ground -
The dry, desolate ground.
Do they wish they took the chance and dove?
Most likely.

The only words that were spoken were two, softly spoken sentences,
I suppose you could call them declarations.

But I’m not here for you to make me laugh, I’m here for everything
The best of the best, the worst of the worst, and the completely average

That's right. Everything.
The sights,
The scares,
The fights,
The dares:
Everything. Together.

Is this what peace feels like?
Yes. I think it is.
And with that,
We continue on our journey,
Our blissful glide.

Words shape the world,
Carve it from nothingness into the rigid
Collection of ideologies and practices that form the basis
Of our race, of our societies.
Words are powerful,
They say that the pen is mightier than the sword.
And that is absolutely correct.

And yet, here I sit,
Surrounded by books and essays and a palace
Made of sentences, bricks reinforced with
Punctuation of all kinds -
Unable to find the words.
The words to describe how you make me feel.

It's interesting, isn’t it?
I can only find the words to describe the lack of words.
What a conundrum,
What a sick irony!

10^570 number of possible sentences,
Over 200,000 possible words.
And yet, here I sit.
None of the words or sentences powerful enough to convey how you make me feel.

Butterflies flapping and fluttering,
Constant fidgeting,
Daydreams, Thoughts, Dreams
No, no, that’s not enough.
That won’t do.

Let me try again.
The passion in my veins when you kiss me,
The smile on my face when you hold me,
The sadness when I have to get out of the car,
The feeling of incompletion when you leave,
Like a construction project on hold.

Do those words give the feelings justice?
No, I believe not.

Words shape the world.
Words are powerful.
However,
Do you know what is more powerful;
What shapes my own very world?
You.
Yes, that fits nicely.

Here I sit. Surrounded by towers
Of books to my left,
Essays to my right,
An endless palace of words at my disposal.
And yet, there’s only one word on my mind.

You.

The castle’s skeletal structure looms on the horizon,
Once banished to oblivion
as it stood on a pillar of sand,
It’s blackened presence demands the attention of the entire land,
A void absorbing everything in it’s path.

Iron bars surround me,
Enclosing me mercilessly,
The cage being dragged painfully toward the dark structure
That crumbled eons past.

Clawing at the ashy ground,
Screaming with blood curdling terror,
Desperate to escape this sickening cycle of fate,

The sickening presence of the castle.
My iron enclosure refuses to be moved by my helplessness,
Retaining its grip on my physicality.
The embodiment of the callousness of the prison in the distance.
The void drawing me into darker times.

The landscape begins to dim,
The light rushing to escape the horrific scenes about to unfold,
The sky dejected,
Along with any hope of escape.

My muscles burn with fatigue as I contest the iron soldiers,
Old wounds widen from scars from darker times,
My body drops to the ground,
Unable to halt the racing fire that is my mind
A single thought occupies my thoughts on an endless loop.

not again

A moth to a flame,
I am to solace
Every nook, Every cranny
No space went without my peering eye

Yet the flame I chased
Treated me like a moth
It burned
Elsewhere my gaze wanders