Its like an awful horror movie,
Where I'm the protagonist and the monster that refuses to die.
But in the final scene, it's crystal clear,
I'll give myself with steady hands and a dry eye.

It's like a ship on the open ocean,
I'm a sea sick traveler who only wants to get away from home.
But as I see the set of sun on land,
I realize it's the same sun that's always shown.

But for all these similes and metaphors,
I don't know what it's like anymore.
To feel the things I felt once upon a time.
To feel like the skin I'm living in is mine.

It's like the song that plays in my head.
It's familiar, and loud, and to it, my heart unfolds.
But for all the rhythms, the lines, melodies true,
It's still not enough to soothe my soul.

But for all the repetition and repose,
These sad, sorry prose,
Won't be enough to change the tune.
And I couldn't if I tried a minute too soon.

Is it true what they say?
That there are other fish in the sea...
Are you the one for me?
Or am I just chasing dreams?
A lover I never knew,
A longing I've always had.
A curious thought turned inside out,
And the good times turn to bad.
I sit alone watching the moon drape over the clouds.
A little whisper in the dark assures me of my fears.
Another night I'll never remember in all my years.
Can I hold on to what's left?
A glimmer of a hope of a dream inside my head of what was to come.
Or will it pull me down to sequences of hell that repeat on prime-time?
Can I let go to find that I'm just dangling my feet over a curb?
Or fall to see the ground rushing to meet me?
And I know, I know - that the pavement always wins,
But as my next life begins,
I'll end up swimming right back to you.
Come hell or high water,
Every mother and their daughter,
I'll swim the whole sea through.
Cause I cant see any fish but you.

I remember days when I'd write you letters, or wait for you after class.
We'd sit in your dorm room and make each other laugh.
Then they said I should go out and get her, but I sat on my ***.
And I forced myself to recognize that that's all in the past.

So now I'm cold and isolated,
Scorned and vindicated.
Waiting on my fading star to rust.
I'm wretched and I'm sick,
Jealous as any other *****.
I gave into the slave I know as lust.

You might as well have been a million miles away.
even if it was under a hundred.
You might not have come over that day.
Then we might still be in this bed.
Instead I occupy this mattress alone,
Safeguarding my heart behind my chest.
Till I wither away to hair and bone.
Till my identity is just a guess.

Maybe I'll never find love again.
Maybe I'm better off alone.
There's only one way to find out,
Follow the path I know is my own.

Sorry I had to hurt you to see it.

Well it's hard to tell what's left of this mess.
Glass shatters and crashes, the air leaves my chest.
In a moment or two life will seem like a privilege.
And I've never been this close to the edge.
Headlights bend, and silence falls like the heavens.
Knuckles turn white as we're nearing the end.
Well when the glass breaks, will you cry out for help?
Or grab onto something to save yourself?

Brace yourself for what comes next,
Twisted wreckage and broken necks.
Would I trade their lives in order to say,
That we'll live to see another day?

Step out into streetlights, reflections of what could have been.
Counting to make sure I've got all my limbs.
Words come out as whispers, I stutter to speak.
Remember the rain as the breaks start to screech.
The concussion of air sends my head to the stars.
Smoke fills the cab, and we're looking at cars.
Well they could have buried us here in this steel casket.
Terror on the roads, with no way to mask it.

I'd sure as hell
Bury myself
to keep you unharmed.
I can't believe
Here in the streets
I thought I was unarmed.
When I posed such a threat
now full of regret
But at least our bodies are warm.

Well glass shatters.
And I clear the fog around my head.
Nothing matters,
As much as the fact that we're not dead.
We come to a stop as rain falls out of the sky.
Pieces lie, in a pile along the street.
Save our souls from the devil, denied his chance to meet.

Well we're alive.

Would I take a life to bring yours back?
Would I harrow the depths of Hell to make me whole?
If the question is asked in the face of God almighty,
The answer would be "Yes."
You left me stagnant like you wouldn't have wished,
Cause now all you'll ever be is missed.
For all the grieving and questions without reply,
You'll only ever be a story of mine.
So to say in short what it took me months to believe,
Is that it's not the end, to see someone leave.
That the hurt and the pain, overwhelming at first,
start to slow and emotions reverse.
Till I'm found angry, not sad.
Because the life you once had,
now swings from the ceiling.
and we were all sent reeling like you wouldn't believe.
Now half a year passed,
not yet in the past.
Our wounds still open, like a broken glass.
Pouring out to the floor as we try to surpass,
Torment and fear over why you left.
And hoping to God that no one is next.
But it's life, so it all ends in death,
I just wish you would have waited fifty or sixty years to take your last breath.

Cocky yet humble,
Yelling at a mumble.
just another contradiction,
Self destructive predilection.
Smart enough to know better,
Yet too dumb to care whether,
I'm dead inside and rotting out,
Or simply just living with doubt.

So the story goes,
Only heaven knows
Why I do the things I do.
I just wish I knew.

Tall, small build,
Not strong willed.
yet willing to finish the mission.
Watch my plans reach their fruition.
Stuff four friends in a white panel van,
Keep them on the road as long as I can.
So we can fit our piece in the puzzle plan.
Cause I'm nothing, simply nothing without any fans.

So my hair, it grows,
And the wind it blows,
Hopefully in the right direction.
To the next intersection.

Evil, yet good,
And Misunderstood.
Idle hands, busy mind
Produce horrific crimes.
Play with emotions to sway
People's affections swing my way.
Yet never carry out the ***** deed at hand.
I'll call it a conscience, say never again, but I'm just a man.

My eyes wander,
Will's getting stronger.
But it's just too hard not to see
Or adequately appreciate beauty.

Calm and enthusiastic,
Dull but charismatic,
Maybe a dash of eccentricity.
Throw in Some single minded duplicity,
Add in a heaping helping of guilt to top it off.
Let cool for twenty years and let the odor waft,
Then you get a blue eyed, brown haired ****** bag.
Who wants nothing more than his childhood back.

So much for growing up.
So much for no regrets.
I wouldn't mind staying young,
But time just won't relent.

I swear I've never seen eyes that color.
I sway and buckle over open lids.
A rush of the sea in the dead of summer,
Casting out pale white ships.
And as the sea creates the wind,
And the wind moves the sea,
I'm chasing after you and,
You're chasing after me

But we pass,
Like comets come forth.
The past,
Isn't what it's worth.
For every drunken letter,
Spell out words that wouldn't let her if she could.

I swear I've never seen a smile so wide.
I fall into, and can't get out.
If I sleep, I dream, and try not to think.
But I'll never forget about,
The days in summer spent breaking off ties,
Half spoken truths and half truthful lies.

We stay
Tangled in this web we wove.
Create
These feelings that have grown.
Answers under the sheets,
But we try not to make it cheap as we fall asleep at last.

I swear I've never felt a thing like this.
The tides have turned and I'm carried away.
The notion resounds till I'm heart-ward bound,
And nothing is ever okay.

Or at least not the way I planned it.

Why is the first one gone
always the last to forget?
When the memories abound,
But the presence still lacks.
The weight of the world,
It seemed so intimidating.
But the truth of it all,
I've just stopped caring.
My vision is shaky,
My judgment is rotten,
I don't even remember
The good I've forgotten.
Senses are dulled,
Retro-vision: enabled.
Repeat all the stories
Until they become fables.
The tensions will mount,
Like mercury rising.
We'll deal and cope,
Find something to put the lies in.
Move on, forget,
remember, forgive.
Roll with the punches,
As long as you live.


But sometimes... Sometimes they wont.

Well I don't know what to say,
I'm almost glad you didn't stay.
This way I'll have never disappointed you.
At least you're far away,
While I keep my demons at bay.
In my head I've already anointed you.

Canonized in the depths of my mind,
Somewhere I thought no one would find.
I guess I'm not as clever as I thought,
I didn't learn the lessons you taught.

I still have myself fooled into thinking that someday you'll come back, homesick for what used to be.
****, I don't even know if you could find the time to think about me.
I'd be shocked and speechless should my ears ever find the sound of your voice somewhere behind,
Coaxing my life back to juvenile delinquencies when I didn't have half this ****** up mind.

I guess what I'm trying to tell you,
What I no doubt know you already knew,
That I still think about the past.
My fingers raw from counting the days,
long now passed in a vicious haze.
well the fire we started just turned to ash.

so this hole that's been burning in the pit of my chest has done nothing but eat away at my ribs and lungs.
It's been burning away since the days we got lost when we were young.
Just like the house we saw on Graham,
With the burned out windows and it's blackened walls,
I hear the aching in my heart, so lonely in this empty flesh,
It sounds like a ghost as it calls.

I keep calling your name, but you'll never answer.
The sooner I accept that, the better.
Just know I'll pick up where we left off.
I'll try to move on, but I don't think I'm that strong.