I loved
I loved to love.
I loved to love you

Truly it was you
through my thoughts, you blew.
Like a cold wind waking me up,
or your warm touch, laying me down.

Glistening on your skin
from your head to your chin,
the tears of joy Always fell within.

but the next day, It wasn't joy
for you to be so coy
I died within.

As you told me to go,
you defiled my soul
and tore me to pieces, with him.

Every day I wake up. Sun shines through the blinds,
down on me, Hopes and dreams live again.
Somewhere here, it must be. Somewhere I can find,
life. As the day goes on the dreams fade
and all I uncover is grey. The words on me ears,
"Keep Going". Gets me to the next stop.
The bus plows though snow and I fear,

In front of it is the best place to be.

I can't stop thinking about it.
Everything that I did keeps replaying
(Insert generic text here)

I know everyone feels it, I just with I had someone
      to relate to.
someone whos felt the pain iv felt,
           but it isn't her.
           I really cant even say that,
Its probably just a lie. That's probably why
she never really opened up.

The lies on her tongue stayed quiet.
They filled and swelled to breaking.
and the first one to flow off the tongue was
                                                      I'm not in love.

Remington 870 12-Gauge shot gun.
Your trigger would be so easy to pull.
Fully oiled and loaded clean. The shot would come out perfectly.
My head, would come off perfectly.
Tempting me. Calling out to me. One 60 cent shell, one $500 gun, and one..
     "Priceless" Life. Right...
Maybe the only thing priceless that comes out of me would be the red on the canvas behind me.
Painted with all the reds in my head.
The red tape I could never cut. The red rage burning inside me. The red passion, Lost. And last, the red blood, Useless.

Why I did not, I can't understand.

Everything that I was,
Is gone.

Blissfully Ignorant.
Ignorantly happy
              Blindly so.

My life was perfect and I saw nothing wrong.
              Blindly so.

Your version of reality, Your Perfect world.
              Lacking me,
                                    The reality, A MUST.
Must fix. Exchange me for
              Lacking.

Don't lie to me. You were never hurt.
No real tears. No real pain. Just a change.

Your transition was of the changing leaves.
Its color was all that changed.
                                                        ­ My color disgusted.
You needed something new.
Mine was bitter.
                                         My Tree, Old and weathered,
But roots, never deep enough.
Eroded, I fell.

               so you traded for a sapling.
               grass roots, Illusions of happiness.

One day, darling. One day you will see.
Slashing through the forest of hearts,
        Only leaves you with ashes of the.

They say real strength is not just enduring it,
but picking up the pieces afterwards.

I guess it just takes awhile with a heart made of glass.

Transparent with clear intentions.

No lies. No deceit. No games
but the game was played anyway.

You traded Board Walk for Baltic,
Ventnor for Vermont,
and every piece of fake money you had

for another roll.

Forget getting out of jail for free,
when your stuck in misery.

Every day clicks by
not a clock,
                  but a revolver
For every click
          A click I wish.

The click rings in my head,
right next to my ears, blood red.

hoping its real, I clench,
"Biting the bullet", I flinch

I wish.