I would have done my homework
but my tears would run the ink
I would have done my homework
but my hands burned from having no one to hold
I would have done my homework
but me+you was done and you did not equal forever anymore
I would have gone to school that day
but my body ached with emptiness since you left
I would have gone to school that day
but I couldn't find a reason to leave my bed if I could not see you again
I would have gone to school that day
but I didn't learn a ****** thing besides to never trust a soul
I would have called my bestfriend back
but when it rang, I'd hoped it was you
I would have called my bestfriend back
but to her, heartbreak is nothing new
I would have called my bestfriend back
but there was nothing she could do

I swear, I'll be this sad forever, and I've been this long before
I'm out of strength to pull myself off of this bathroom floor

-a.f.

despite what you may think,
you do bring me happiness
but I was born an unhappy human
and I do not blame you
if that makes you want to leave me
you will tire of lifting me up
and holding me when I cry too often
you will grow bored of seeing me
with tears in my eyes and shaky hands
breakdown after breakdown
you will find yourself wanting to breakaway, so don't be afraid to do so
because I am afraid
I will be sad for a
long,
long
time.

-a.f.

******* it
you are everywhere
the fires you have started and
put out in my heart are killing me
slowly and I want nothing but to escape the smoke in my clouded lungs and the flames that spread throughout the memories in my brain
and I am hopelessly trying not to become a pile of ashes like the others you burned holes in to

-a.f.

you were nothing
but bittersweet
on my lips
for merely a second
so why is your aftertaste
still here after
3 **** years

- a.f.

you could surely drown
in all the lies you've told
if the ***** don't sink you first
you'll be the  only one to burn
when your lighter flickers a flame too hot
you can't pay the bills or groceries
but you're willing to pay the price
for clinging to a man that was never yours
this is the role model you've become
I don't want to be just like my mommy anymore

-a.f.

I always thought
I'd never be able
to stop missing you
but now,
I don't need you to
want me
or miss me
or hold me
or kiss me
because I have him
and he is not a distraction from you
like the others were
he is so much more than a sweet kiss
to help me forget the feel of your lips
and I want you to know that

he wants me, more than just sometimes
and misses me, even though I'm not absent
and holds my body so close, I feel like a part of him
and kisses my lips as if he can't breathe with out them

because you didn't
and I'm starting to believe that
that's going to be okay with me
which is something I never thought I'd be
without you;
okay.

- a.f.

I wish you could understand
that I really am trying
so hard
to be happy
but its just
so hard
when nobody even wants me
to be around
I'm so sorry
I have tried
I have failed
& I don't have the strength
to speak
     to breathe
         to strive
it's so hard
pretending to be alive

- a.f.

you told me
I could cry you a river
if I needed to
& you would be right there,
the sun to dry up my tears
but I told you
that I can not cry the slightest rain
although I want to
because you never learned to swim
through the storm
so when you disappear
my tears will fall
like a drizzle in July
& you will not be around
to watch it all evaporate
        that's the truth about the sea
        & how I wouldn't let you drown in me

- a.f.

I'm missing out
on the rest of my life
restrained by the people
that claim to be who I need
at a time like this
when all I think I need
is to have
my real friends,
a sunny day,
a trip to the water,
a night under the stars,
mistakes that'll turn in to
stories for a lifetime,
but it's against the commandments
to be apart of something
that they don't approve of
so excuse me if I become
a bit of a rule breaker
because I just can't stand
sitting at home

-a.f.

they say
do unto others
as you would want done
to you,
but I'll do anything for you
and you'll never give me
the time of day

-a.f.

it tears me in to pieces
thinking of you
& how it used to be
the memories that haunt me-
I remember we wouldn't dare to go a second
without speaking
the smile that appeared on my face
inevitably as you spoke to me
being in your arms
shrouded in your warmth
the laughter that uncontrollably
spilled from my lips;
it was because of you
& it tears me to pieces
to wonder if you remember these things too
believe me;
I do
it rips me apart
seeing you
like the pages of the notebooks
I've wasted writing about you
the way you appear
clarify to me
are you happier with her?
'cause I  search through your mind
every time I get the chance
but I can't find the boy I recognized
I haven't heard you laugh in so long
I have to wonder if you even smile
the blue gleam in your eyes has faded
like the pages of a paperback in the rain
I'm ripped & torn all over again

- a.f.

last night
I sat in the passenger seat
as we hit the road to nowhere
just like I used to
we sang cliche radio hits
at the top of our lungs
just like we used to
I giggled at everything
that rolled off your tongue
just like I used to
we looked each other in the eyes
with goodnight but no goodbyes
but that's not what we were used to

-a.f.