I’m glad that you think of me
That I pollute your dreams
I’m glad that you have to be happy when you think of me because I was with you when you were happy
Or sad when you think about how you used to be happy because you were with me
I’m so glad that I know you’re still up tonight
And I’m still up tonight
And we’re probably thinking the same things right now
I’m glad nobody’s going to *******
And you’re alone
And you’re probably crying
Like I’m crying
I’m so glad that when I see you you’re always with your friends
and I’m by myself
and I want to talk to you
but I think what if I do and then I think
I should have just left as soon as I saw you,
And, oh god what if I looked back and you’re still looking
and your friends are looking
and you probably wouldn’t know what to do
because they’re all laughing
then you start to laugh
and oh god where’s the door- where’s the ******* door.
But, anyway..
I’m just really glad that you’re still around
And I’m still around
Even though I didn’t think I would be
And I didn’t write that note

I hate looking at you.
You are so strikingly beautiful
And so viciously ugly
When I see you, you lock your eyes with mine and give me a devilish smile
You tilt your head forward
You’re trying too hard
I want to scream
**** you
Hurt you at the very least
Punch you right in your beautiful ugly face
I laugh to try to make you stop
But inside, I collapse.
Please, please stop looking at me.
You’re piercing right through my ugly, sexless body
Right into my nervous, teenage soul
You are so beyond me
I hate you for that.
I’ll always hate you for that
I know you feel superior to me
I know you use me
I know you take comfort in my cynical, society depreciating, feminist convictions
My mumbling garbage of sadness
I know you think I’m smart
but at the same time pathetic
I know that you want me
Because you think you can have everything
I know you need me
Like you need anyone
Because you can’t stand to be alone.
Yes, I know you can’t stand to be alone.
Your wretched body that you toss around like an object
All in a vain attempt to be wanted
But you still end up alone.
You aren’t what you think you are
What you want to be
So don’t you look down on me like that
With your practiced sultriness
I say all these things in my laugh
But you’re oblivious
You look away smiling
Like you’ve won something
I collapse inside
I want to crumple
I’m too tired for violence
Too sad
So I just sit on your couch
Perturbed by the silence
Even when I hate you most
I’m afraid of what you imagine of me in the silence.

Nothing at this point in time,
at this point in my life,
would satisfy me more as to consume another human being.
To open myself like parted seas
then selfishly,
ravenously,
close myself again, engrossing him.
Devouring his flesh in mine.
The longer this yearning desire goes unquenched,
the more painfully hopeless I am of tranquillizing it.
It cries in the night, wishing to be consoled,
I coo to it in vain.
I am entirely alone.