The creases in her hands
were ironed once
and iron-wrought
clutched like twin vises
blotched the hue of bleach
as she gripped the puppet’s strings
reigned them up
and made the beast dance

Wind shook the steel shell
bellowed at its underbelly
braced her back to leather straps
cringed her brow
over a sky-blue glare
crackling with lightning
until the basilisk beneath moaned
trembled
then settled in the stars

The stars hang higher from the patio
the furrow of the brow
has softened
accompanied by new furrows
as she gazes up
the shards of lightning
long ago dimmed to a pearly gleam
the hands that tamed the beast
now shake
under the weight of a glass of rosé

She has no say
nor have I
but I will recall someday
as she does now
the days when
the sky was her oyster
the engines her chariot
and the cane
mere misty imagination

my skin tingles, overstimulated by the harmless cotton sheets
my stomach leaps, awakened to the enfolding silk of your skin
we flit in and out of consciousness
like drunken butterflies
my head pounds
I realize
the lamplight
the golden haze of "last night"
swirls of a memory
of ecstasy and an oil black record turning
and stopping
and my hand
reaching to flip it over
only to halt, relax, and slip down the nightstand
I strain my eyelids
remembering the forsaken B-side
every muscle aches
every inch of my flesh is spread with warmth
I reach for you
like I reached for the satin vinyl
but like last night
my hand slips into air
the potency of the illusion, the sensory explosion, the ache of losing
cling to my cold sweat in a bittersweet perfume
in the waking hour

so love,

you left me hanging after all

I want to swallow up my soul
until its deep inside where no one can find it
I want to dig a bottomless hole
to bury this beating lump where no one can mine it
I want to carve away my brain
until all that's left is simply survival and no more
I want to squeeze out all the pain
to drink it down and **** it on the floor

Curl up
Fade out
End scene

I am not good at "letting"
much less "letting go."
I am not good at "forgetting"
the ways things "used to go."
I **** at "simply setting" -
most miserably so.

"Let go and let God"
"Live and let live"
"Let bygones be bygones"
"Let's forget and forgive."

This "let" is a word
that I've no easy knack
If you let me, I'll grip you
'til my fingernails crack

"Letting" is brave -
so it is, so they say -
it's trust and it's strength
at the end of the day
but I'm not a "letter"
not by blood anyway.

Yet however intensely
knuckles tighten to white,
there are things that will rip
out our hearts when we fight

some creatures will claw
'til we let them take flight.

Heat pulses inside an eggshell of white glass
my feelers undulating on its surface
scalding incandescence singes my digits
yet I return to kiss the light
lover of fire
charred
yet soaring in bliss and
in pain.

O! what elated flame
yet tragic trend
to adore that which
will **** you in the end.

Magnetic
down to every cell.
No, deeper.
Every atom.
Deeper still.
Every quark
vibrates against mine,
creating friction
creating heat
creating static
in my head,
electrical storms
in my skull.
Strings pull back
release
and resonate.
Particles spin
scatter
collide,
creating a universe
as matter
is unwound
and I?
I am undone.

You chalk my slate with questions
               and wipe it blank again.

Brown eyes, almost black -
lackadaisical?
Calypso, but male -
malevolent?
Lent me your cap -
capricious?
Using my heat -
heathen?

You chalk my slate with questions
               and wipe it blank again.

I'm hungry
hungry for air

I kiss you
and surface from deep water

a ragged inhale
sputtering exhale

buoyant
breathing

for the first time
in five whole lung-burning minutes

if minutes were years.

He met her at a bar
in San Pellegrino
Yeah, like the water
but there was more wine
than water there

She was flicking a guitar
that she called "Bambino"
Her papa taught her
but she wasn't the kind
so easy to share

They slept inside his car
outside an old casino
The nights were hotter
than he'd ever find
anywhere

He said she'd be a star
but what the hell did he know?
**** gypsy daughter
broke into his mind
then left him there

She could only go so far
on his euros incognito
The polizia caught her
the guitar left behind
she'd tied him to a chair

She'd emptied out his jar
and his last good cigarillo
Shouldn't a brought her
she's serving time
Bambino in his care

He met her in a bar
in San Pellegrino
He said she'd be a star
what the hell did he know?

I used to press my shirts
  bleach out stains and dirt
  laundering can hurt

  when it's all you ever do

When I was a kid
  that's all I ever did
  behind the lines I hid

  the sterile and the new
  
******, mismatch the dress
  let go the loneliness
  settle for nothing less
  
Than the beauty of the mess

Oh god,
don't look around
Sip a little more
watermelon and *****
now tequila
injecting guts
with too many words
and too much courage
to catch a ***** slap
from old friend-emies
"Jealousy doesn't
become you."
A grin, another shot,
a wave for the check
"Thanks,
neither would fake *****."

What is
  happy?

Chasing...
  retrieving?

Knowing...
  believing?

Feeling...
  choosing?

Loving...
   losing?

What is
  this word
  a noun
  a verb?
  a tense
  a sense?

God, how I hate
  and want
Happiness

tracing our names in the sugar spilt
melts to the bar in sticky rings
stomach weighed with *** and guilt
heart in pieces and scorpion stings
the door swings
desert wind beckons
my stool erodes
am I falling?

fingers catch like grappling hooks
against the gravity, intoxication
I feel these *******’ ***** looks
burns the scalp, humiliation
the door shudders
night wind soothes
my knees buckle
I’m falling

tongues of blood lick the night
a passionate display of heat
embarrassing embrace of light
pushing this lump of flint to beat
the door locks
sand swallows prints
I’ve learned from
falling

Maybe you have a bigger vision
Maybe there are things we don't see
Factors that bind you
That make you do all this crap to us
But we are the community
This is supposed to be for us
Don't you read our messages?
I'm sure you can spy on the Pub
From some cyber-crack in the walls
Can't you hear the chatter bubbling
Roiling over furiously
Foaming at the mouth
Like a hundred starving stomachs
Hungered until cannibalism
Becomes the only option
You should be listening
To the lynching mob
The drunken crowd
With pitchforks
Listen to them coming
For no other reason
Than to run the other way
You're next
Whether justly or not
Your silence has made you guilty
There he goes everyone!
Most hated man online

In shades of midnight merlot
Sweetly I dream
Bittersweet velvet warmth
Running down the throat

Sweetly I dream
Like repeated kisses
Running down the throat
The liquid golden red

Like repeated kisses
The liquid golden red
From the flute, twisting tongues
Swirling against the glass

The liquid golden red
Leaving tears down its globe
Swirling against the glass
Taste of earth, humming heat

Leaving tears down its globe
Bittersweet velvet warmth
Taste of earth, humming heat
In shades of midnight merlot

The man desiring
Becomes the beast
Ensnared
Enslaven'd only
By what he allows
Himself to need

I hate you
For
Not
Ever
Meeting
My
Eyes

I told you
One
Ten
Hundred
Thousand
Odd
Times

I loved you
Why
Did
You
Always
Act so
Surprised?

I want to help
But I really must dash
They're waiting for me
In the conference room
If I had the time
The skill, the cash
I would assist you, really
But my bus leaves soon

I wish you the best
But I can't stay too long
And isn't it the thought
That counts anyway?
Important matters await
And I'm just not that strong
Things, other than you
Need fixing today

I hate to be a coward
But I'm just human, you know?
And only can do so much
If you knew my life
You'd understand I must go
Please, don't stare at me such

I'm sorry I cannot be what you ask
I'm sorry to lie - but I really must dash

Knuckles break
With whippish crack
So much to take
The quiverous wrack
And the injustice drives me insane

They say not to bite
The hand that feeds
But I do bear spite
For the one that beats
And sometimes they are the same

One look at you is all it takes
An injection of your kiss and glow
And my will just breaks
I think you know

I was a liar before I met you
Now your tenderness makes me weak
How can I lie so near to goodness
When I cannot even speak?

I hate to be phobic
Or repetative
Hate to be petty
But I worry
That one day
It will all run out
The words, the thoughts
The pictures
And muses
Swirl and slip
Down a sink in my soul
Like a vapor
That I'll sit down
With a pen
And have nothing
Nothing left to say
Worth saying
That hasn't been heard
Imagined
Or spoken
It doesn't make sense
But still
The gremlins ****
Leave me be
Let me write in peace
For as long as I can

All things – all – must end
Not just good, but bad as well
So here I am swallowing hope
To cure my belly’s new personal hell
For poems have reduced to mere points
And the poets who paint them just pawns
Compelled to take drags of this joint
For a prayer that our work carries on
Neighborhoods turn into ghettos
Victorian houses accosted by ramblers
Starving artists must don their stilettos
And we stay because we’re all gamblers

If I were a spirit
I'd be ***
Bittersweet
Or an elf child
Light of feet

If I were a dye
I'd be red
Smoldering
Or a yellow
Emboldening

If I were a bird
I'd be a sparrow
Quite plain
Or an arrow
Restrained

If I were a rock
I'd be iron
Steadfast
Or a tear
Long to last

If I were a gem
I'd be broken
But blinking

If I were a word
I'd be spoken
Not thinking

I live in a world without faces
My friends are screen-written in black
Via virtual reality, we speak
Through computerized smiles, we laugh  

I know what each one is doing
Every second of every long day
My own moves are ripe for the viewing
So, too, the great thoughts I will say 

We chat and we email and text
Rarely catching a voice on the phone
God knows whatever comes next
Will leave me busy, but wholly alone 

The experts from so many places
State we gain more, with time, than we lose
But if in gaining, I lose only faces
Then I’d trade for the olds, all the news

Stained glass coffins
Crystalline mosquitoes
Death that masquerades
In silken flags and floras
Languorous beauties
Graffiti of red and violet light
Sirens kiss the bullets
As they scatter them
To burn holes in sepia dreams
Watercolor ghosts
Casting out wildflower candy
Attics that hide under
Strawberry dust and lemons
That melts into mildew
As they pass down the gullet
Layers of ashes in the belly
“But you told us to swallow!”
Masses of children howl
The pretty ghouls hiss back
“Cannot you tell a lie by now,
By the sweetness of its taste?”

Out has slipped away my breathWith a Love that defies deathBanishing the worried qualmsEnfolds the soul in utter calmGod of Heaven and this earthWho gives me life and second birth

I am a reflection of the Great
The One who was
Before anything else came to be
One who is the essence of Good
Yet I cannot help but see
How if I reflect Him
How much more does He also
Correspond to my humanity?
For is it not so
That I am human
Only because He made me to be so
And that my humanness
Was, as He said, the image of Himself?
So, in a sense, God is more human
Excepting the failings,
Than even I am
His sorrows are deeper and sharper
His laughter is more radiant
More joyful and abundant
His pain so intense
That my eyes squeeze shut
Merely to contemplate its acuity
If I love beauty and warmth
How much more does He love it?
If I am jealous for those I adore
How much more His jealousy for me?
If I wish to be great and purposed
How much stronger
His good wishes for me?
If I feel alone and lost
How much more alone does He feel
When I seek not to be with Him?
I serve a GodWho cries over me
Who rejoices over me
Who loves fiercely
In a suddenness it springs in me
The idea 
That I am man
Only because He first
Was God

So sick, so sick of the digital age
The clock is looming, and in rage
I wrap my arms around the hands
And **** with all my inner man

I want to pull it back, pull back
But the tower won't even crack
So we gaze at old creation
Us artists of an artless nation

Look back on the past and cry
Meanwhile the music left to die
Those of us who still remember
All the real-ness gone forever

Cellophane on new CDs
Music  videos on MTV
Friends that actually called
Before Twitter stripped our gall,
Global markets stole our soul,
And Miley called herself rock ‘n roll

I'm going back to 1990. Goodbye.
Thanks for the memories
Love, Generation Y

Do you know me?
You see me everyday
Bustling in the street
Answering the phone
Sexily glossing my lips
Do you notice?

I’m trying to catch it
But your approval
It’s so hard to snare
Like a firefly
So I starve myself
In hopes my thighs
May shrink to acceptance
Can you tell?

Fishnets curve to my legs
Maybe business slacks
Or a plaid jumper
My eyes can’t hide it
This longing, deeply cut
Like my shirt’s neck
Do you see me?

Hypocrites
To tell us we are free
To be anything
Liberated, ******
Powerful, worldly
Who are they to say
We are free?

Only so long as we give
Relinquish emotions
Harbor no expectation
In favor of carnality
Unchained, as long as
We seek not to be loved

Will you love me?
Will you try?

Morning's breathlessness
Hanging with wint'ry glow
Bracing
Speeding my pulse
Waking up my skin
Pale blue arc of gleaming sky
Against a white sun
Emerging
Hurts the eyes
Washes out the face
Dawn came
Earlier to the horizon
To warm the soul
Awakening
The dream of day

I hate writing about feelings
Or abstracts rather
Give me concrete
Give me senses and vision
Metaphoricals, actions
Comparatives speak louder
Instead of mewling about love
Or dreaming or fear
My preference is nausea
Aching, touching
Colors, textures, responses
Words that put pain to the thing
Not the thing itself
The impression of the thing
The breathing
The bleeding
Not the creature
Not merely saying it is alive
For you aren't obliged
To believe me
If I don't believe it myself

Drunken infatuation, leave away
Blurring the vision of reasonable men
Weakens knees, causes thought to stray
Clinging dreams that only “should have been”
Stirs in healthy folk a gutty knot
Ties the tongue or looses it by turn
Makes all common sense appear forgot
Chills the bones and leaves the face to burn
No cousin to true love, yet seems to me
Infatuation, more action does decree

There was a once upon a time
When this day brought trembling
And swayed my self with tears
The sight of velvet petals splashed
In scarlet flutters
Made my lower lip quiver
Crudely cobbled rhymes
Pricked the corners of my nose

And I hardened my eyes
Turning away, shouldering
The world and denying any feeling
Denouncing love
All the while, your halo was choking
Your absence was a presence
Like a tumor

But a year's distance
Has reawakened my adoration
For the taste of spring
And affection for roses
Realization that I cannot sink
When I'm holding others up
Focusing lenses on pain worse than mine
Releases my love
My Valentine
To the world

Betrayal of a nation
By its own generations
Pageantry that slackens
Sliding into morbidity
Obesity of the spirit
Swells of needless waste
In the name of wealth
Sacriledge
Oozing farce
Finger puppets
Only to be played
Imagined wars, sciences
A lavishness blithely unaware
Of its inner decay
Decadence
Sweet taste of poison
Thus falls Babylon
By her own hand

My nails are glossed in pink
Just like my mouth, glimmering
Tapping on the white linen-dressed table
In dim evenlight. Crystal glasses
Catch the shine in golden rings
Leaving kisses on champagne flutes
Hairspray mingles with Noir perfume
The fragrance of merlot and flame
His smell lingers on my sleeve
Where his arm, his aura brushed me
Swirls of crimson and black velvet
Jazzy chords crossing grand piano
Warm breath weaving whispers
Tickling the ear, reddens the cheek
His finger brushes silk from my eyes
A tress of curled brunette
Tinkling silver, muted by the mood
Like a stage, painted by a master

You don't know
What a genius I am
Pontificating stuffed shirt
At the head of the classroom
With your precious red ink
And credentialed soul
Do you bleed as I do?
Do you dream in words
So painfully beautiful
You marvel at belonging to them?
You don't know
Who I am or will be
Call it egotism or delusion
But behind this meek acceptance
Of your measures and jibes
My pride roils like lava
For once, I will not speak my mind
I must show you instead
And show you, I shall

I kept my hands clean today
No unholy things for me today

I snubbed my neighbor twice
For twice the heathen greeted me
I gave him barbed advice
For each time he had cheated me

I kept my hands clean today
No unpleasant things for me today

I went nowhere where one could find
Sinning folk or those in need
I chastized a beggar who was blind
Accused a friend of pride and greed

I kept my hands clean today
No ungodly things for me today

I avoided adulterers and ******
And gluttons, thieves, and tools
I gave a penny to the poor
And two cents to a fool

I kept my hands clean today
So God, why didn't you bless me today?

Showers of droplets
Break in sparks
On moonlit glass
Their wintery shine
Mirrored to a gaze
Spears of ice
Melting in the night
Trailing windows
With silver beads

Poor, broken creature
To wrap her heart in barbed wire
That defends from the enemy
But tears the flesh ****** within

People stick to me
Like flies to caramel
My sweetness draws them
Then they're caught
I keep them close
Against their will
Holding still
Until
Death

***** dishes piled peripherally
Melting muscles begging to be built
Education egging me on evilly
Facebook friends warning I may wilt
Clothes choking roomish rubble
Coldhearted clocks click callously
Traffic tickets to trouble
Prodding for payment perniciously

I have always been in love with you
Though I've never seen your face
Rivered streets and thoroughfares
Cathedrals and marble shining glaze
Burgundy, sunsetted copper walls
Slanted clay tiles that shine like flame
Thick lushes of emerald'ed halls
Weaving into arcs of grape'd frame
Vineyards pouring over daykissed hill
Wine as red as dye and rich as gold
Flesh of bread, warm, at corners spill
Into the walks where it is sold
Dear Italy, my love, you torment me
Slipping your fingers 'round my heart
And all I have is pictures yet to be
And hope that we shall not long be apart

Someday a watch will tick
Night away to dawn
Someday warm will pool
To signal shadows gone

Someday stars will touch me
And sap away the pain
Someday suns will nudge me
Til my eyelids rise again

Someday I will wake up
And find I wasn't dreaming
Someday I will realize
I never stopped believing