You chalk my slate with questions
               and wipe it blank again.

Brown eyes, almost black -
lackadaisical?
Calypso, but male -
malevolent?
Lent me your cap -
capricious?
Using my heat -
heathen?

You chalk my slate with questions
               and wipe it blank again.

I'm hungry
hungry for air

I kiss you
and surface from deep water

a ragged inhale
sputtering exhale

buoyant
breathing

for the first time
in five whole lung-burning minutes

if minutes were years.

He met her at a bar
in San Pellegrino
Yeah, like the water
but there was more wine
than water there

She was flicking a guitar
that she called "Bambino"
Her papa taught her
but she wasn't the kind
so easy to share

They slept inside his car
outside an old casino
The nights were hotter
than he'd ever find
anywhere

He said she'd be a star
but what the hell did he know?
**** gypsy daughter
broke into his mind
then left him there

She could only go so far
on his euros incognito
The polizia caught her
the guitar left behind
she'd tied him to a chair

She'd emptied out his jar
and his last good cigarillo
Shouldn't a brought her
she's serving time
Bambino in his care

He met her in a bar
in San Pellegrino
He said she'd be a star
what the hell did he know?

I used to press my shirts
  bleach out stains and dirt
  laundering can hurt

  when it's all you ever do

When I was a kid
  that's all I ever did
  behind the lines I hid

  the sterile and the new
  
******, mismatch the dress
  let go the loneliness
  settle for nothing less
  
Than the beauty of the mess

Oh god,
don't look around
Sip a little more
watermelon and *****
now tequila
injecting guts
with too many words
and too much courage
to catch a ***** slap
from old friend-emies
"Jealousy doesn't
become you."
A grin, another shot,
a wave for the check
"Thanks,
neither would fake *****."

What is
  happy?

Chasing...
  retrieving?

Knowing...
  believing?

Feeling...
  choosing?

Loving...
   losing?

What is
  this word
  a noun
  a verb?
  a tense
  a sense?

God, how I hate
  and want
Happiness

tracing our names in the sugar spilt
melts to the bar in sticky rings
stomach weighed with *** and guilt
heart in pieces and scorpion stings
the door swings
desert wind beckons
my stool erodes
am I falling?

fingers catch like grappling hooks
against the gravity, intoxication
I feel these *******’ ***** looks
burns the scalp, humiliation
the door shudders
night wind soothes
my knees buckle
I’m falling

tongues of blood lick the night
a passionate display of heat
embarrassing embrace of light
pushing this lump of flint to beat
the door locks
sand swallows prints
I’ve learned from
falling