He said to me,

"Beautiful people,
beautiful people.
Who are we really?
Our eyes are endless pits leading to our bottomless soul.
Our lust for attention is our fatal attraction.
The need to quench my thirst grows stronger with every exhale.
You have no idea who I am.
Everyone knows exactly who we try to be,
but what they're scared to really see,
what we're scared to really show.
One day the world will know.
You crave my touch and affection.
You fear my ultimate rejection.
You want what I can provide
and you have what I need to survive...."

At that moment I knew he couldn't decide.
If he didn't take me
my heart would surly break me.
Without him I didn't want to be alive.
As if there was an invisible pull between us,
I craved him in my sleep.
He was never just a crush.
What runs threw my veins is his key to survive,
but what runs threw his is my key to life.....

I said to him,
"My love, I want to see the world turn with you.
Watch as the world burns with you.
I want to see the stars every night with you.
I want to take your pain away from you...
You can take my pain away from me.
My love burns for you through eternity,
*So lets spend it together."

Confusion.
Why do I do this every **** time?
Do I enjoy the pain of others or the guilt that comes after?
I will never know.
The answers lie out there.
Deep under the calm white blanket.
Remaining free and untouched.
I can feel the silence.
It soothes me and relieves me of this confusion.
Why make everything so **** complicated?
Everything should be as simple, as pure, as silent as the calm white snow.
But its not.
Do you see the silence behide her eyes?
Its because she's burning.
The silence hold the secrets of the mind.
My life is a fire that blazes through everything I touch.
It melts the beautiful snow around me and turns it to slush.
This fire will never extinguish.
It burns me inside so intensely.
But I love the flames they are loud.
So I guess that means,
Ill see you in the summer.

We went on a drive tonight....
a drive I wish would have lasted all night....
it could be wonderful, you and I....
that is, if you decide to try...
but you won't...
they usually don't...
its understandable...
I've said the same words to a handful...
I wish you would give me a chance...
but instead you walk away,not a second glance...
one day you'll realize...
but for now tears sting my eyes...

I'd never dreamed of anyone more than I did you
almost every night I dreamed you were mine
and then when the time came for it to be true....
you tossed me aside...
and  now I dream of leaving you
never wanting to be in the same room as you
never wanting to see you
you have broken my heart yet again
after I am the one who apologized just so it wasn't the end
and you still left
after everything you said to me
you became everything you promised you'd never be.
So goodby
and good riddance.
I wont be seeing you soon.

Cigarettes.
Why are they so soothing when were alone?
The quiet of the night air...
The burning fizzle of the paper is the only sound
If your listening you can hear them.
Your lungs.
But why should you listen?
When you listen to your heart where does that get you?
Broken.
It's just another *****...
and you're just another man.
Only difference,
I dont need you in my life.

Lets make up tonight
Let the storm alleviate the pain
I wanna wake up next to you listening to the rain
I love the way the sky lights up at night
The lightning illuminating
The rain rejuvenating
Never out of mind, always out of sight
Staring out my window watching the sky
Imagining the day I get out, and say goodbye
I wanna make up with you tonight.

Just because I'm an open book
doesn't mean there's nothing left to see.

                                              
                                                           The secrets that lie behind theses eyes...
                           ...the secrets I keep locked deep inside.

Things you'd never imagine dwell in me.

                                                            ­                               The doorways I've opened...
                                                                ­                                                ...the thoughts that came threw...

If you could see them.
If you only knew.

The secrets I hold.
The reasons why I'm always cold.
Why some stories I leave untold.

                                                        ­                                                                 ­         The ones you'll never hear...
                                                         ­                                                                 ­      the ones I keep locked away.

In fear of when those thoughts break through to the surface,
break through my fortress...

The devastation that will ensue?
My emotional regress?

So go ahead and take your best guess.
I dare you.
I will confess.
I'm sure you have secrets too.
We all have secrets we will keep until the day we are laid to rest.

Its over
I'm free
you really never wanted me
now I can finally see
it took me a while, but I can finally see.
Where to go from here?
I must leave, I have no fear
I know you'll miss me my dear
but there's nothing left for me here
all I wanted was you near
now after I'm gone maybe you'll feel
I was the only one that was real
you made my open heart seal
you'll go on living not seeing the big deal
all I ever wanted was to make you feel
but you never will
not with me at least.

Sometimes I wonder if I am the only voice inside my head....
If I decide to never leave does that mean I'm dead?

Go then and let me lye here and die with the roses.
Watch as they all bleed red.
My soul will fly
away with the breeze
never to be seen again.
At peace with eternity,
I'll travel light
just me and my hindsight.

Ignorance is bliss
yet for you ignorance is a dish
you eat it for evry meal
walking tall thinkn your real
calm down honey
I'm not in it for the money
I want you time and your energy
your ******* me up mentally
I stick around for the affections
its obvious you don't feel the connection
why sleep alone if I can sleep with you?
trick myself for another night that what I feel is true
as soon as I'm gone
I'm gone
but when will I leave?
I guess ill wait and see...

Its late when I finally return home
                         walk to my room into my cold empty bed.

It's not empty because I'm alone
I'm never alone inside my head.
                                                
                                                      My thoughts roam.

Why do some parts feel so dead?
The answer has yet to be shown.
            
    I can't deal with these thoughts inside my head
              my subconscious is tired, my patience is blown...

                                                      T­hen it all turns red

Thoughts free to wander the unknown.
Once again I've spoken thoughts I never should've said,
and that is why I'm in this bed, still physically alone.

Sometimes.......*

You make me feel like I wanna cry.
You make me feel like you don't even try.
You make me feel like "So why should I?"
You make me feel insane.

I rack my brain...
again..
and again.

For the answers to why.......

I can make you feel so good.
I can make you feel higher than drugs ever could.
I can make you feel better than she ever would.
I can make you feel wanted.

But while we lay here and I stare in your eyes...
Tears soon flood mine.

I can see the way you feel for her
I can see it without you even near her.
I can see that you don't want me.
And  I can see your lying right next to me...

If he ever once asked his people
what it is they wish to believe in
the answers may surprise him.
Maybe they would wish for an absolution in death...
Why are humans so fascinated with death?
We fear it, we crave it, we provide it,
yet we can never experience it.
We can only become death.
Once we become death where is our life?
Death is the gift of life, its never an end.
Only a new beginning.

One day I'm gonna forget all about you and this place.
The second I see you its all gonna come back.
And I'll remember why I wanted to forget...  
But for now I still think of you once a day
soon that will dissipate.
To think I could have loved you...
Silly me.
Why?
You're not worth what I have to offer.
My standard of myself has lowered
therefore so has what I feel I deserve.
But I will regain my confidence,
my strength,
my respect,
and my dignity.
I will not let this town win.
I must stay strong and true.
I have to get back on track.
If not I fear the right path with soon become overgrown with the roots of my poor decisions and misjudgment.
And all that will be left is one dark road to a predictable future,
a light at the end.
Keep my roads clear.
Keep my skies open.
Save myself,
save my soul,
save my dreams...