i still remember the way You held me on the car ride home.
as if you were protecting me from the reality that was to come
but no matter the pain You put me through

this will forever be

one of my favorite memories with You

trust me
i didn't use to hate
               every
    living
                         thing
on the planet.
it's just
           now...
they all
remind
me
of you.


and i could never hate you enough

dear dr
don't take my bitterness personally
i've had a rough day
oops i mean year
you see, time hasn't felt the same since He broke my heart

I could spend forever examining the way his eye color fades from green to a multitude of other shades.

That there is my favorite color

It would be a day well spent if all i did was trace imaginary lines from one freckle to the next all across his body as if it was my very own canvas.

i gawked at my glass
                         wondering
     how it had managed
to become so empty
                                                   so

                                                  fast...

did it really sadden me that much?
i felt no pain.
there was no gapping wound on my body.

                but as if You had read my mind
                            my phone chimed
                                  that oh too
                                     familiar
                                        song...

and i felt it;
         the cavity growing inside my chest.
      as                           if
           You had aimed a cannon
straight
   at
  my
heart.



time for round II.

when i was younger
they told me i could be anything...
                  ...as long as i worked hard enough
                                      (they lied)

growing up                   i was oblivious
                                as to what I wanted to be
(i never was much good at anything)
                   until
                            You
                                    showed
                                                   up...

i stood a bit straighter                (more like a lot)
dressed a bit nicer   (all my money went to clothes)
and smiled a bit brighter
                                                but You didn't notice...
               (4 years of braces down the drain)

now...
                             here i am
              17                                       years young
and                all                 i                  yearn          for
                  
                     is to be

                                  Yours...


                                                      (but i can't be)