You say you're proud you're clean today
Yet you go back to your old ways
I look at you and see it's a reflection
Of my selfish days and
I realize it's me who's changed
There's two of us inside my head
Fighting for the chance to live
A wolf inside of my own brain
No wonder it's so difficult
This war within my mind I wage
No wonder I can't even think
Straight when the two halves of my heart Decide to break apart and
All I'm left with is the broken parts
Lying on the asphalt
Freeway crashes in my head
Locomotives in my brain
Is it my thoughts or is it a migraine
It's all the same
I'm on a train
Going no specific place
Failing
Derailing
I desperately want it to be a dream
Maybe if I stop thinking
It will all just go away
Drown my thoughts with mindless
Music so I lose track of the pain
Understand
My motives aren't insane
They're just a little out of place
I look at my reflection
I can't even recognize the face
Time to make amends
Attempt to fix the broken things
Shattered pieces vaguely
Remind me of all the times my wings
Failed me
I need somebody to save
We can get a little crazed
When we don't know when to stop
And I will crack open Pandora's box
And let the contents out
Right about the hour that I find the clock
has lost it's power
Sour consciousness distracts me from the task that is at hand
Focus on the destination
And enjoy the journey
It will never go as planned
But we can plan to make it worth it

[ARH]

It's halfway through the week,
and the insides of my cheeks
are already peeling.
Feelings are numbing,
except the throbbing in my mind
pulsates.
I wait for the day
this race will end,
but until then
I'll endure.

[ARH]

i won't let them hear
what they want to hear.
i'll hide my fears
or write them down in
tears from a pen.
i'll drown
the empty pages with ink;
venom to the mind,
and then
i'll start over again.

poisonous lines.

while, "all is fine"
i'll say.
when in reality
the only truth my muffled words
reveal is in the silence
that follows.
and since the calm
before the storm
is my storm
and this garden
is filled with thorns,
i'll burn everything i've ever known
and surround myself with
ashes
that allow me to let go.

don't leave me alone.

ARH

All I see, when I close my eyes
And dream

Is that I'm falling.

Yeah
     I'm
          Falling

For you.

The one who takes
my breath away
but leaves me with
more life instead,
for now my heart beats
for the girl who
leaves a sunrise  
in her wake
and forms a melody
within my soul
that sings of good
still in this world
and joy beyond
what the most beautifully crafted
words could show.

The one who makes
the stars burn bright at night
and yet whose tired eyes
inspire
and make any other sight

dull,

and now when my heart beats
it is for her.

[ARH]

i'm about to finish a puzzle,
completing a portrait
to give me peace.
when the puzzle,
I soon find,
is broken;
there's a spot
with a missing piece.

the whole picture seems ruined
by the hole,
the hole
where something should be.
incompleteness
that once was masked
is now apparent
for all to see.

I open up the box
and find its contents
have been taken.
the piece that has been stolen
left the puzzle with no ending.
I draw out a replacement
as perfect as I can imagine,
but the hollow representation
cannot match
what once was.

I retrace all the steps I took
to get me to this point.
each puzzle piece which I had put
in order to make it work.
the last of all,
the one needed,
the one to complete me,
was given to the one who
needed it more
than I could give.

she has my final puzzle piece
and I have hers as well,
and I would gladly hand it over
time and time again.

she has my missing puzzle piece
and I have hers as well.
neither of our portraits can be complete
without the other's help.
and though this makes it difficult
to carry on as before,
I find the best puzzles require
more than just oneself.

[ARH]

I took her breath away
not anticipating the consequences,
now she's grasping for air
and we're both helpless.
Love is senseless.
We share the same breathlessness.
What a lovely sentiment.
But too much of a good thing anywhere
can be suffocating,
and your lungs are failing.
So don't fall for me darling,

I'll only let you drown.

[ARH]

I make promises that are empty
to fill the hole
where my heart should be.
Sometimes I feel like I'm living a lie
and the only one being fooled is me.
I try and ignore what I know,
yet I know what I hide
and I hide it in the snow.
While white on the outside
only I know my mind.

The truth is I'm still
doubting if it's mine.

[ARH]

I can sense the distance thinning.
New horizons.
Old beginnings.
Flooded feelings from sinking
glaciers within me.
Distress in the workings of my mind.
Signs of the day.
Signs of decline.
An inside joke
between my heart
and my brain.
Have you ever felt the same way?
Maybe all this tearing apart
will lead to something better.
Or maybe,
maybe I'll just forget her
eyes.
Her hair.
The way she laughs.
The way she cared.

The way the ice even got there.

[ARH]

You're walking on thin lines:
the ones that hold me up
to the sky.
It's fine.
I realize I will fly
regardless.
Yet
When your eyes don't shine
the night's are starless.
What good are wings
surrounded by darkness?

It's not that you're heartless,
it's just that your heart is
not quite where it's supposed to be.
It's with me and see,
I feel I should be free,
but free to go where
when my heart is nowhere
to be found
and my life is still up in the air?

I'm bound.
Life's not fair.
I don't care.
I'll continue to rise where you are,
and I'll make it there.
As long as you never stop lighting my way.
So continue to say what you say, love.

Sorry for the wait.

[ARH]

I gazed out at the night to find
The moon shining  
Throughout the darkness:
Enveloping its surroundings
Only to pierce my mind in a way
The most stunning wonders can.
I couldn't help but remember
Your eyes full of galaxies and I
Experience a feeling reminiscent
Of the thought
Of one who's always on my mind.
There in the night remained
A moon that shone despite,
And one who's light
Reaches both of us.
And though divided at the time,
Our sight is fixated equally,
And I desperately believe we might
Shine despite the divide
If we try.
For I find that you are more lovely
Than a full moon at night,
You bring your own light.
And so do I.

[ARH]

I shall be telling this with a sigh.
That moment she put our heads together,
in the icy air of night,
seemed almost peaceful.

The sidewalks shone like alleys
of dropped maple leaves,
as we walked with a walk
that was measured and slow.

It was the darkest evening of the year
but between her and I,
all the heavens seemed to twinkle.
She was my North, my South, my East and West
in the heat and the cold
when no one else ever cared.

I thought that love would last forever:
I was wrong.
Her heart was learning to lie down forever.

To watch the woods filled up
with snow could be profound,
but only so an hour.
Then all is lost.
Stop all the clocks.
Cut off the stars.
Their greatness is a kind of grief.

I let her leave this place.
A final goodnight
as she drifted.
A black hole in space.
A final goodbye
as the stars started to fade.

I alone stay.
Last year is dead, they seem to say.
We cannot look back far
but not because of age.
Life is a stream
that sweeps us away.
The bitterness of the night matched the day.

As dawn goes down,
I have promises to keep.
Funny it seems, but by keeping
her end lost in dream,
I learned to walk without having feet.
Yet sometimes, in the distance,
I hear someone weep.
I taught myself to live without the constellations,
as I have miles to go before I sleep.

Miles to go before I sleep.

[ARH]

You were electricity running through my veins
but the power lines broke
now I'm left in the rain;
soaked,
with only the sound of thunderstorms
around,
with you nowhere to be found.

[ARH]

I've learned:

Not every sunrise is equal.
Some bring more light,
She's the same.
And frequently I find
She's to blame
When clouds disperse
And lightning fades.

In my mind
And in my day.

I rise
Chipping away at this ice
Thrilling
Finding my self-centered eyes
Chilling
Reflecting lies
Flooded feelings from sinking
Glaciers within me
Sigh
Rose-colored lenses
Blood on my hands
Fences in my mind
Senses on overdrive
The sky is upset
Yet
I try
But I can't fly
No more
My wings were cut and stored
Stories that were foretold
Maybe I got too close
The sun eclipsed
Bored
Into the ground I fell
Sore
Through the floor
Sounding down
Dove into the depths
Drowned
Wound up
That I'm lost
And found
Again
I go.

[ARH]

I've got midnight eyes
and she's got sunrise.
My horizon tries,
but it just can't break free
from dusk.
It dawns on me.
Just my luck.
Wish upon a star
but it won't change much.
She deserves a galaxy,
a constellation's touch.
The best that I could give her
is a distant light
and such
is not alright.

[ARH]

She reminds of a stormy night,
the way the the rain drops down on the windowsill:
beautiful, powerful, and fragile
at the same time.
She reminds me of a night sky:
the way the stars twinkle and shine like her eyes
which make me forget any other sight.
She is the sky and the seas,
full of life.
She is the sun and the moon,
full of light.
She is the only one of her
there ever has been
and ever will be,
and so surpasses any comparison
I might try.

[ARH]

If poetry is all about being human,
tell me: what is life worth?
For every Shakespearean verse
appears another, less rehearsed.
If our race has no end,
tell me: where are we running to?
Life is in the journey,
or so say
those less traversed.
Perhaps the truth lies
within ourselves.
Our own deceiving silver tongues
and two-faced cries for help.
If we just keep on writing
will the words mean something
else?
Or maybe if we stop thinking
we'll free ourselves from hell.
The stroke of pen on paper.
The slicing of a throat.
Maybe being human
involves a bit of both.
As for I,
I'll keep on running:
barefoot towards the coast.
Yet the castle in the sky will be my final
au revoir.

[ARH]

What happens                                 
when we run out?                                 
Of time                                              
of hope                                            
of dreams                                        
of memories?                                    
Of songs                                          
of nights                                          
of things                                          
to look                                    
forward to together?                       
What happens                          
when I run out                                
of you?                                            

We lost the chance to know          
when you ran out on me.

Although my life was fine
Back when my nights were grey,
I look up to find
The stars burn brighter
Now than then.

A sign

It's just the start.
She took my heart
And I'm alright with that.
And when I think of
All the time we've spent
Together, though apart,
I realize it's the best  
I've ever had.

Night falls,
as always.
Thoughts creep into your head,
old habits.
Sitting on the edge
of your bed,
you think about your day.
That sinking feeling that you always seem to get,
returns with vengeance as you try to rest.
The spiraling sentence that mirrors your mind
wraps around your conscious like a venomous snake.
"Is this real or fake?
Maybe I'm meant to break?"

[ARH]

I remember you fondly.
The brightest stars
Collapse most strongly.
And when they touch
They blaze.

Such are their ways.
A fact.
I wonder.

If we go down,
We'll go together.
A mutual collapse
Is better than to drift
Alone forever.
So let the collapse come.
We'll show the galaxy
What can be done
When love, stronger than the sun,
Meets.

The one I want
Is all I'll ever need.
The force of gravity
Can quake beneath our feet,
As we crash,
As we crash
More brilliantly
Than when two stars meet.

I'll reach across the universe for you.
And when I do,
Let's shine together too.

I wish I could forget her,                  
But I can't.                                          
I had once heard                              
That it's better to have loved.
But lost I am inside the past.            
Her eyes,                                          
As dazzling as a turquoise sea.        
A gaze surely I                             
Could keep for eternity.                    
Her smile,                                          
A beacon of hope and light.            
A laugh that cured while                   Everything was made right.                  

She could break the walls         
around my heart.                              
She too could break all                  
She built, part by part.

[ARH]

I saw you at a distance.                    
A perfect imperfection.                  
A passing face, at first.                
First glances show the surface.    

We all have fears and doubts and pain.
I wanted to ask you how you were.
Truly.                                                  
I wanted to know why you were scared to say,                                
the truth.                                        

But the truth is I glanced and looked away.                                            
Now I know                                      
of the thoughts and hopes and dreams
and screams                                  
for help.                                        

And now they're lost.                  
Now you've gone away.                
And now we'll never know those memories.

I lived on an island
in the sea.
Along with me
were others
who lived peacefully.
We sang songs
to remember things
nobody cared about,
all so we could forget
our complacency
with our whereabouts.
Yet we found ourselves
surrounded by the sea.

Some brave souls ventured
into the deep,
and more and more people proclaimed,
"Follow me."
Yet I believed they
were drifting in too deep.
Mindless people
were all I could see.
As for me,
I tried desperately
to cling to land
as the sand
held my memory
and my hopes
were held
in the palm
of my hand.
Both man and woman
exited the island
for promise of
betterment.
"Better to be lost
In the desert of one's
mind,
than in the
waves of the water",
I reminded myself
plenty of times.
I did not want
to fall,
fall away.
Why enter the sea
of storms,
and heartbreak?
One by one,
my brothers and sisters left.
As I saw them leave
I realized
I was dead.
With every breath
I took,
with every time
I shook.
I looked
at the reflection
in the water
and realized
I merely existed
in this world.
Did I even matter?
I decided to venture out myself,
not for others
as a sheep to slaughter,
but as a soul divided
hungering for self worth.
I would not stay here
and let my fears
consume my years.
If I failed at least I could say
I was not led astray.
I took my ship
and set out to sea that day.
I sailed all through
the night.
I sailed with no
clear end in sight.
I began to doubt
there was purpose.
Suddenly I did not want to be there anymore.
I had gone too far I had been too slow.
As the storm began I started to regret leaving the shore.
I could have just stayed down
there and wondered
without end or change.
I could have just laid down
and never floated away.
Through the fear and the hopes
I realized it's all the same.
I'd be saying I'm sorry
all my life,
and in the end
I looked towards
sinking my sorrow
along with myself.
As I gave up my hopes I heard a voice inside my head.
"What if I told you there was a promise you had made?"
The waves crashed violently into my vessel.
"What if I told you this was not the end?"
A vague memory
passed through my head
as my sinking ship
lowered to its end.
I remembered my brother
the one who had led the way.
I remembered we knew each other
and our hopes were to meet again.
I remembered what he had said.
"Follow me instead."
I regretted my inhibition
and my doubts as I drowned.
"I'll take the grave in your place."

I woke up on an island
in the sea.
I asked the man next to me
where we had been,
and where we had gone.
He said,
"This is the place you've been searching for all along,
where all your blood is washed away,
and all you did will be undone."