I want to say I love you
But I'm afraid the cars motor
Is too loud.

Afraid that you'll say
What?
And you'll ask me to say it again.

I want to reach out
And touch you,
But I'm afraid I'll do it wrong.

I'm as loyal as an Ace of Spades,
But you're the wild card
In the hand I was dealt.

They keep telling me
To write about
The sky,
The way the sun sets and what it looks like,
How the colors swirl like sherbet or cotton candy  

But I keep thinking about
What happens when it hails.

They ask me to write about
The flowers,
The way they reach up from the soil,
And emerge with the hopes of spring

But I keep thinking about
Their petals fallling.

I want to thank you.

I want to thank the men
At the bus stop
With smiles and ties
Reminding me that I wasn't a deer
in the headlights of destruction

To my legs
And October 21st
When they carried me home
Strong willed and striking the ground with unwavering steps

For that day I took the bus
By myself
And still felt a small sheet
Of saftey

To Cherry Street and
Pearl Street
For easing my mind when I thought
I was completely lost

For the kids with backpacks
And pink hair
Because their home is mine too.

A fragile bird
I tried to hold you
In my hand

The crinkling of my eyes
Brought tears
Drowned out by the patter of rain

I wasn't ready to see you
But I couldn't wait

For months I felt like
I had forgotten how to breathe

Your hand was cold
But your eyes met mine
With warmth

And the restlessness,
The tide breaking
Underneath my skin
was finally, futiley
Still.

Last night I started listening to bands that I don't even like
Because you told me they make you feel whole in all the empty places

Last night, when it got dark
I listened to their words and tried to understand what you could've heard in their voices
That you never heard in mine
When I told you how lovely you were

Last night we sat in my driveway
Your chest heaved and I knew
Your heart was cracking under the pressure
Of "goodnight."
Because it was so close to saying goodbye

I scooted onto your lap  
While your tears dripped onto my thigh
And I tried to press my heart
Into your chest
Because I hated to see you cry

It's 80 degrees today
The grass beneath me
Freshly cut
I can hear the birds
Singing in the distance
And the taste of peppermint
Left traces on my tongue

These things have nothing to do
With you
Or the fact that I
Am no longer a we

The suns rays are strong
But there's still an ache
Somewhere deep in my chest

Summer is chipping away
At the time you left me with
Under different circumstances
I would be lost inside a novel

But somewhere along the way
Underneath the sun
I got left with a note
Ending in goodbye