I’m tired
So tired
Of feeling like
I’ve been chopped off
At the knees

In a haze of dreams
I see memories of us
Past recollections

Eat baby, please
It’s killing me to watch
While you wither away to nothing
It’s killing me
But you need to know
It’s also killing you
I know the way that full plate
Heaves its weight onto your shoulders
I remember the way you looked down at it
As if you would fall in
And drown in the numbers
I know that you pretend
You’re stomach doesn’t pinch
Or stab you with the hunger
But I see the way
You sit hunched over
Trying to shrink into yourself
Forever trying to make yourself smaller
As if the hunger isn’t
Enough
I know you long for bones
To be the only things
Distending from your skin
But darling
You’re forgetting
That your worth,
Your value
Does not rest in a number
Whether it’s on the back of a box
Or a creaky bathroom scale
You’re forgetting that
Bones are brittle
They break, love
They break
How will I hold you
When my touch could splinter you
When I could snap you in half
How will I shelter you
When that voice festers inside your head
And it rots your thoughts
Your innocent thoughts
Sweetheart, you’re forgetting,
Pushing food around a plate
Won’t give you dignity
And that voice
That voice inside your head
Does not define you
Do you see your eyes, love
When you look in the mirror
Can’t you see the light is gone
From those beautiful eyes of yours
Or do you only see
Failure and flesh
Clinging to your body
Holding on for dear life
As you try so urgently
To shed it from your skin
Please,
Let me remind you
That it’s okay darling
Go ahead,
Pick up that fork
It’s okay
I promise
Trust me when I say
I know
I know it’s hard
I know it hurts
I know it’s not just chewing
That causes you misery
I know that it feels like cotton
Whenever you try to swallow
I know that it’s like a rock, that food
Stubborn as it sits in your stomach
I know it hurts
I know
Just let me remind you
Let me remind you
That its okay, love
To feel
Full

If I wrote it all down
Would that make it easier
To rewrite our own history

Or would the tidal
Waves keep crashing
Against the shore
Erasing our handprints
From the sand

she was leaving
and got the gumption
to see me before she did
so we went to dinner
she sat, crumpled
at the edge of the booth
playing with her silverware
hands sweating
our knees barely touching
underneath the table
they shook like the day we met
they shook like floodgates
when the clouds get upset
her hair was drawn back
into an apology
and she didn't answer
when the waiter asked for drinks
she pans, tilts
looking for the restroom
but doesn't get up
covers her mouth
to hide her furled chin
i cut her a piece of bread
not sparingly
i didn't want to ruin the symbolism
of cutting a gangrenous thing
from ones self
she half wept out "tell me a joke"
i thought to say "look at us."
that's it. that's the joke.
the premise & the punch line
sharing some silence
here in this ominous moment
so thick with goodbye
you could touch it
i said "when they asked what the name was for the wait, i should've said "awkward, party of 2"
but that's not the joke
"knock knock"
she whispered "who's there?"
i sat for a moment and said
"so we've come full circle.. we're even in the same seats, from all those months ago"
her lips quivered
and she hid her mouth
"i just wanted to hear a joke"
she said
i came back with
*"if i fell for you in a quiet restaurant & no one was around to hear it, does the laughter of children i drempt we'd have make a sound?"