My body aches
I feel hollow inside       
            I curl up into my body                
Wishing for nothing        
But to die

My insides are curling
There's to much pain
I can't stop hurling
Horrible stinging in my veins.
I throw back my head
Screaming out in pain
Though no one can hear me
Because it's "all in my head"
At moments like this
There is nothing I'd rather be
Then dead.

Cold wind blows against my body,
against my cheek.
If I were wood,
I'd surely creek.
Leafs crunch beneath my feet.
In that moment it's like everything  has frozen around me.
My heart is beating fast.
Nothing matters now,
It's in the past.
Everything is cold and sharp,
just like the weather around me,
though somehow it still warms my heart.
I raise my arms above my head,
while sporting red mittens,
a sharp ruby red.
Head tilt back,
eyes have closed,
I smell the crisp air through my nose.
Twirling fast round,
I don't care if I hit the ground.
My mood has changed in this moment,
thoughts now erased,
a huge smile has taken up spaces,
on my face.
I love everything about this place,
the smell,
the taste,
the touch,
the sound.
The way it seems to lift my body way up off the ground.

Light as air,
My body's high,
I look up through the air,
To the sky.
Blurry from the water in my eyes.

Life has gone by fast,
Sometimes slow.
Weights to much,
I should let go.
Something inside me though,
tells me no.

My life is still; frozen in time.
My heart still stings,
But is not blind.
My minds shut down,
My body's numb,
But still strong enough to hold this gun.
Load it once,
It's all I'll need.
It's my time to succeed!
To set myself
Forever free.

I wish I knew just what I wanted to do,
Not just with my life,
But with you, too.

I wish I could see into the future,
Read between the lines,
An at night  watch the stars line up in lines.
I wish,
I could tell if this is going to last,
Or just be a  thought in both are pasts.
I wish,
My only wish,
that you don't leave me,
Not ever,
After this.

I loved you,
didn't you know?
I'm pretty sure it really showed,
Across my face
And more internal place
Between our texts,
Even those photos you wanted sent.
I did everything for you, and every position.
You ,would and could, call at any time,
I'd be ready for you, like I'd been ready for days on end.
I thought are love was grand and true,
But that's just the ******* you'd feed me,
which I'd tell back to you,
Thinking it was true,
you to me,
me forever with you.