I don't understand people these days
How people can be so uncaring
I don't understand how people can let people who need help go without
But they can help people living with mommy and daddy
But there are people willing to help
It's just the people who want to help have fallen on hard times
For good people remember this saying
The people who want to help can't and the people who can help won't

Most people don't realize just who I am
They understand me but not all of me
They don't understand my reasoning
And they think I'm being stupid
But what they don't see is my thoughts
I have a reason for every move I make
It makes my moves unpredictable
When people ask me why I do something I tell them
Some people look at me like I'm crazy
But there are many who understand
It all depends on the person and their way of thinking

I hear voices
Not voices from my head
But voices from memories
It brings the past back into my head
It shows the old me
The me I want to be

I feel like I am alone
I feel like I can do nothing right
People say I can but I see no proof
My life is nothing
I will never do anything right
I just go from worse to worse
I can never make anything better
I cannot fix what I mess up
Which happens a lot
I will never be good enough
That is just my life

I feel like everyone looks right through me
Like no one can see me
I feel like I might as well blend into the wall
No one seems to care if I'm around or not
Most the time my needs and wants don't matter
So I might as well be invisible

I feel like I am trapped
Trapped in this life
I love my friends and family
It's just the hole life throws us in
It feels like we will never get out
But there is another side to the hole
And it's just a matter of time until we can get out
We are slowly starting to make the climb out So it's just a matter of time

I look at you and wonder, I wonder how you do it
I thought things would turn out differently than they did
But I'm better off without you and have learned that I can do things you always disencouraged
But I have always wondered how you always manager to get everything handed to you
I work hard to do what is right and to make my life better
But you think it's ok to live off everyone
But in the end there is one thing I will always have that you won't
I'll have my pride
Because I have worked hard for everything that I have and I'll be able to look back and say I did that
I'll be able to pride myself on a job well done
Working, School, and a family
I'll be able to look back and say I did it
While when you look back, You'll see a decent life
But there will be no pride, and just a trail of the mess you left behind

Writing is a way of talking
When I feel like I can't talk, I write
When people read my writing
I hope they like it
I've been told I'm good
But I write what I feel and think
It quiets the racing thoughts in my head
And I love it

Did I ***** up, did I make a big mistake?
Sometimes I wonder because me old feelings don’t go away.
What did I turn my life into?
Where did I go wrong?
This is not what I had planned
This was not what I was expecting
When 1/19/18I look at old photos and see what’s become
I wonder what if I had taken that path,
The path that once looked so right
And that I wanted so bad
But things got in the way
So I ask what if I had worked harder?
What if I had been smarter?
What if I had seen what was truly right in front of me

Time is something not to be wasted
You never know how much you have left
So use it wisely for things that will better your life
And the lifes of others
People don't realize how a small thing can affect a persons life
So take a little time and try to help someone no matter how small the action

I don’t sleep
Thoughts keep racing through my head
Too many things that I can’t turn off
My mind doesn’t ever stop
It won’t give me any rest
I try everything I know to shut done
Though in the long run I think it will be a good thing
It is when I have my best ideas and sometimes do my best work
It allows my creative ideas to flow
And allows me to find who I truly am
It helps me get my thoughts and feelings on paper
So though I don’t sleep I wouldn’t change it for anything

Many things have changed over the years,
Through few have stayed the same.
One thing hasn't changed at all,
That is you and me.
Though the good times and the bad,
When we were both super busy or had all the time in the world,
You have always been my lifeline.
You know more about me than anyone else,
And you know the real and true me,
the me that people love to hate.
I can be me around you.
My life is forever changed because of you,
You have always been here for me,
No matter what.
You are my lifeline.