To: Everyone
From: Juliet

You might have known me.
You might have not.
You might have been my "friend",
Or you might have teased me.
In fact, you probably did,
Or would have...
Day after day,
Name after name,
Always so nasty,
Always the same.

Now when I said before
That you could have been my friend,
I lied.
You might have thought you were.
Or pretended to be.
But you probably still teased me.
And even so,
You would have known
What I was planning,
That I really wasn't "fine" or "ok",
And helped me fine another way.
But no, I hid it well.
Or maybe you just never cared.
I don't think anyone did.
Not even my family.
Yes you:
Mom, pop, you know you didn't.
Don't lie, don't pretend,
Don't kid yourselves again.
You called him your favorite...
You called me a failure...
You think it's my fault?
You didn't raise me right,
Or fairly,
And you know that you barely
Ever showed me love or care
Or ran your fingers through my hair.
I'd wake up from a nightmare
And crawl into your bed.
Instead of cooing "it's alright"
You yelled
You screamed
You shunned me from your room,
And you shunned me from your life.
You probably won't even miss me,
Will you?
No.
I think not.
You still have him,
And that's all you ever wanted.

I wonder...
Will any of you miss me?
Will any of you ever realize
That I'm gone, gone forever?
Maybe someday way far off,
A pondering student will ask:
"Hey, where's that one weird girl?
Wasn't she in our class?"
Shoulders will shrug,
Heads will tilt,
But no answer will be found.
You won't remember that I died
And was buried in the ground.

If I have a funeral,
I'm sure it will be small.
My parents won't pay much,
If they even pay at all.
They'd send out invitations,
Or maybe measly emails;
But they'll all just end up
In the trash or in the junk mail.
No one cares.
No one.
If they come,
They don't cry.
Why would they?
What reason would they, you,
Have to shed a tear
On my account?
You don't even know me.
No one would speak,
Or say a single thing.
No one would share a memory,
Because there are none to remember.

So you see, now, the point
Of this letter to all of you:
The people, anyone and everyone,
From a strange stranger girl
Who no one knows or ever knew.
I serve no purpose,
I serve no point,
There's nothing left for me.
At least nothing,
Not one thing,
That my eyes could ever see.
So today I will die
At my own two worthless hands.
I'll mail this letter
And then I'll be gone.
If you happen to be reading this now,
Then I am long gone.
How?
I don't know yet.
I can't decide.
Whether gun, knife, or pills,
Or maybe a rope
Around my throat.
If you're curious,
I'm sure the news will know.
If they even notice I'm gone,
Unlike everyone else.
If they do,
They won't show my face,
Or even my name,
Just: "teen girl: found dead"
Then they'll move on to a special report
On a sport of some sort.
No one will ever remember my name,
Juliet, if you even care.
I won't even bother
To give you my last.
What does it matter
Now that I'm gone?
Dead and gone.
I'm the past.

I won't have killed myself
For a love like Romeo.
I'll be doing it
For lack of love,
For lack of any such thing.
It won't be dramatic,
It won't be remembered,
It won't be written down
To be read for years
And performed over town.
It won't be important,
Because I'M not important.
I am nothing.
Nothing at all.

So goodbye,
If you care.
Nothing shall change,
Besides maybe the air.
Will you feel it?
Me?
My looming spirit?
Probably not.
If you didn't notice me there alive,
You won't notice when I'm gone.
So again, goodbye.
Farewell.
So long.
The end...

Tick tick tick tick tick
Clock endlessly ticking, clicking in my ear,
On and on, will it ever stop?

Tick tick tick tick tick
Seconds pass, slow, barely moving,
Louder and louder, practically screaming now.

Tick tick tick tick tick
Rolling over, flipping pillows, kicking covers,
Nothing, not a thing, is working.

Tick tick tick tick tick
Eyes squeeze shut, then open, drooping,
Won't stay closed, won't let me disappear into darkness.

Tick tick tick tick tick
How long has it been?
Hands moving on the clock, going...backwards?

Tick tick tick tick tick
My dreamland awaits,
Yet all I can do is daydream about those far off dreams I want to dream.

Tick tick tick tick tick
My mind is my prison,
My cruel captor, my mortal enemy,  my unending undoing.

Tick tick tick tick tick
I must be going mad, utterly mad,
Stuck with this insomnia inside my blanketed asylum.

Tick tick tick tick tick
Hoping my tears will bring exhaustion,
But I'm just left in an ocean of hopelessness.

Tick tick tick tick tick
Staring at the inhuman neon numbers
That have come to rule my night, my life.

Tick tick tick tick tick
I try anything, no matter how cliché.
But not even counting coats of snowy wool can help me now.

Tick tick tick tick tick
Please lift me from this retched curse.
I'd take 100 years of sleep over no time at all.

Tick tick tick tick tick
Why won't my thoughts stop? Please!
Leave me be, leave me alone, let me sleep!

Tick tick tick tick tick
Yet they still run on, never-ending,
As the clock tick ticks away to the beat of my heart.

Tick tick tick tick tick
Ba bump, ba bump, ba bump, ba bump, ba bump,
Clock and heart in time together, intertwined as one.

Tick     tick        tick           tick              tick
As my heart slows, coming to a final stop.
I am grateful, and the clock fades off once and for all.

Insomnia gone,
I can sleep at last,
And I'm drawn into another world
Where my dreams become reality
And sheep frolick through fields
Along with me for all eternity.

Tick

Tick


Tick



Tick




Tick





Stop.

Left hand green.
Right foot red, in between.
Stretch across the board,
Reach,
Reach!
Made it,
Now just stay,
Don't fall, don't sway,
Don't let them win the game.

Left foot blue.
Right hand yellow, too.
Breathe deep,
Keep still.
Starting to sweat,
Dripping down onto the board.
Drip, drip, drip,
Don't dare slip!

Left hand red.
Oh! Left hand blue instead.
So close to your neighbor,
Too close.
Legs crossed,
Hips touching.
Hand over hand.
Hearing their breaths,
In out, in out.
Contact leads to nerves.
Starting to shake.
But don't give up,
Stay till the end.
Don't lose,
Win.

Hold me close and we'll go far
Into the darkening sky.
We'll travel to the northern star,
No need for pixie dust to fly.

Everything is so big.
The people, the places, the things.
Even the words.
What does "discipline" mean?
Ow!
Why did you hit me?
Did I do something wrong?
Oh, I'm not allowed to draw on the walls?
But I want to color...
I want to draw the green lollipops,
The ones with brown stems.
What did mommy call them?
Trees?
So big!
They tower over me like the sky over the earth.
I go outside to play under the skyscraper trees.
Birdies soar from branch to branch,
Just out of reach,
Like my toy airplane flies over my imaginary village
Where I am the president.
Oh look, little eggs!
Baby birdies not yet torn free from their shell cells.
Mommy said I was in an egg once.
I wonder where storks live,
And how they carry such a giant egg!
Wait, does that make the stork my mommy?
Mommy says it's time for a nap.
But I want to play!
All day, every day!
There's no other way;
I'm a kid, I must play.
But mommy's in charge,
And she says it's not okay,
So instead I lay
In bed for an hour,
Though it feels like all day.
I awake to bright light,
My eyes wide, like a child's always are.
Mommy says we're going on an adventure,
Taking a trip to a magic man
Who heals people with his own two hands.
I ride in the back in my special seat
Of mommy's giant, wheeled robot.
I'm still waiting for it to transform.
She puts on my favorite music.
It makes me want to
Row
Row
Row
My own boat down a stream.
We finally get to the magician
And I'm still humming to my songs.
I walk in
And see fishies in a big box filled with water.
Mommy calls it their house,
Where the fish families live and grow up together.
I hear my name, called out by a stranger.
I'm not supposed to talk to strangers.
I don't move,
But mommy pushes me towards the man
And through a big door.
I squeeze my mouth shut and look at my feet.
I must not speak to this stranger.
I'm wondering if I can trust him
When he brings me into a room
With duckies on the pale blue walls.
There is a table in the middle of the room.
The stranger tells me to sit on it.
I don't move.
Mommy repeats the request,
And with the pain in my bottom
Still alive and tingling,
I sit, cringing.
The stranger leaves (thank goodness)
And the magician in a white mask
(To hide his identity I bet)
Comes into the room.
He asks mommy some questions,
And then I feel cold hands
On my back, face, tummy,
And I wonder
What magic powers he is using on me.
He turns around and I smile at mommy,
But it changes into a frown and wider eyes
When he turns back with a
Long,
Pointy,
Shiny,
Metal
Stick.
Maybe it's a knife.
Mommy says I should stay away from knives
And other pointy things.
But then this magician makes his wand disappear.
Into my arm.
With the pain searing through me,
I scream.
Not a magician or a healer,
A threat, trying to hurt me.
Mommy tries to calm me down,
Tell me it's okay.
But it's not okay, and I scream on.
More strangers in white file in and hold me down.
I think they're going to take me away,
Or **** me with their daggers.
After what feels like forever, it stops.
They let me go,
And I exchange my screams for tears.
We leave the room.
I stagger out, exhausted.
Back at the fish house,
A stranger gives me a lollipop.
I throw it on the ground.
I do not trust strangers.
Not at all,
Not anymore.
Mommy picks it up and tries to hand it to me.
I won't take it.
I turn to leave and she catches up to me.
She hands me another lollipop.
I hesitate, but take it.
I do love sweets.
What kid doesn't?
I get back in the car,
******* on my sucker,
And fall asleep in my special seat.
The transformer stops, at some point.
Mommy brings me inside and tucks me in,
And I lose consciousness completely.
After a day like today,
I guess naps aren't so bad after all.

When the day is finally done,
I jump into my bed.
I lay against my pillow
And pull the covers over head.

Soon enough I fall into
A deep unmoving sleep.
Now all I need to start to dream
Is one more giant leap.

Finally my mind decides
That it is time to wander,
Into the land where anything
Can happen over yonder.

I dream of drinking tea
And eating crumpets with the queen.
I dream of climbing up a stock
Grown from a jelly bean.

I dream of jumping right into
The board game Candyland.
I dream of eating endless sweets
While listening to a band.

I dream of riding all through space
Upon a shooting star.
I dream of sliding down a rainbow,
No need for a car.

I dream of always succeeding
In every single plan.
I dream of living every day
The very best I can.

I dream
I dream
I dream some more,
But suddenly,
A knock on my door.
It jolts me awake,
My head starts to ache,
And I realize
It was all just a dream.

Love is like a song,
Every kiss a melody.
When we embrace,
My heart starts to race,
And I know that this is to be.