I live in a world with no people
just open
murky day
after murky day with my light always on

365 days a year just sitting there waiting for someone to make you a bit more necessary
and necessary is the word
just one intsy tintsy bit of self esteem injected into the blood stream like
only the boost people give me is much more addicting
and I have more money at the end of the day too

I am alone in room
door locked
enough food to last a long time and enough internet and video games to keep me busy
but everything just fills a gaping hole inside of you like no other
a hole that grows bigger the more you try to fill it

Grey walls
Grey cement floor
ceilings quite tall
bolted shut door

When I pacing as I do for a long time every day
(no sunlight so I can't tell time)
I noticed someone behind me everytime
a dark force the same everything as me
he copied my every movement and would do just as I said
a loyal and obedient friend, about time for that right?
For years and years I got to know him
his name was charlie
and the reason he did everything just like me was because he wanted to be like me so much but he couldn't because only in complete darkness without light

I said I'll do whatever you need
For the first time ever I shut off the light
a sharp pain down my back
and a piercing feeling through my cornea I couldn't see
I rolled around in the bed
found the bolted door and tried to pry it open but it wouldn't move
I was blind with no hope in the world to know what happens next
I scramble as teeth pierce through my neck and blood starts pouring out of me
I find the lantern
light the match and the room illuminates and the pain stops
such a strange thing that

After that day Charlie and I didn't talk anymore he just stood behind me while I sat on my compute and stared with his darkness
then the day when I couldn't take it anymore I took the chair I sat in and the chord to give my computer electricity and hung myself.
The last thing I heard was a knock on the door and deep voice saying
20 minutes till the bus, get up now or you'll be late
and Charlie kicked the chair over and I now I am just hanging there now knowing what happens when befriend your own silhouette.

Bare feet on the tile floor
no cares anymore
your favorite band blasting out of your speakers
I  only wish I could be her's

Be her favorite jokster
favorite nerd
favorite musician
favorite guy who talks to her
favorite guy
favorite mishap
favorite mean person she knows
favorite anything.

You are great
nope better
awesome
no perfect
no.
By the time the photons from your face connect to my eyes
and turn into the images I know as you
I've already convinced myself in and out of saying anything possibly wishily washily maybe possibly sort of kind of that can give you the wrong impression of me

I love looking at space
I know you do too
we are stargazers
looking out there because we don't like what we see down here
When I see stars I see you
A constant bright light shining through the blackened veil that is smothering me with fear at night
You are the perfectly imperfect stars to me
I just hope someday you'll see one of those stars as me.

An Endless lie
but momentary honesty
that's all I want
the *** of gold at the end of the rainbow that has one desolate ******* piece of yourself that isn't just fool's gold

You are nothing but another part of the collective
another face
another name that no one will pronounce because to everyone else in this big world you don't ******* matter
You dress the way you do to fit in with the misfits
You are just a contradiction that is contradicting why I should even bother knowing you

I used to think you were my world
and I wanted to be your moon
revolve my life around you
that was the plan
but the thing that never goes to plan is the plan

I don't look good enough for you
I don't have tattoos but my body is a temple
I am not thin enough
to make it simple
I am nothing that you want

I try to get your help when I need it most and all you do is put me on pause because a guy just walked by and mmmm he is cute and better looking than you so sry hope the ground kills you instantly so you won't remember how bad I made you feel.

Next time I need your help as I am falling without a net
for goodness ******* sake
just admit everything about you is fake

Seriously can you just ******* out of my life
I use to think you were worth the time but you obviously don't think I am so I am done with this clearly not symbiotic relationship
I'm just a parasite to you
someone who leeches for life
where they thought they could find it
I thought I had found something in you
something special
something that no one else had
and that was the courtesy to care past hi and bye
but you rather plug you headphones in and sound me out
than plug in your heart let me in

I want so badly to care
and I get you are mad at me
but honey I have no ***** to spare
only without you i'm free

I am glad we'll never talk again because every time I'll see your face and remember what you thought of me
every smile, a frown I will reciprocate
every giggle will be you laughing at me like you did before

So I'll live my life on mute
and deaf to whatever you say
I'll wear a hole filled suit
you can't shoot me down anymore when I'm walking away

Life is too short to spend with people who hate you
In the future you'll look at my friends and I and say "I wish I could do as they do"
Nothing goes right, my anger lost is rhyme
All you need to know
is ***** ******* this is the end of the line

Number 1: Don't fail today
Number 2: Make sure you make a list worth listening to
Number 3: Don't forget number 4
Number 4: ****.....

Just a shadow
not dark enough to be a silhouette
and a phantom
with no place to haunt

Alone for a day is all I want
Alone for a week is all I desire
Alone for a month in a constant haunt
Alone for a year long enough to expire
Alone for your life time's come to pass
Alone for eternity with you at last.

I need you
the clothes on my back
the fears that keep me alive
the dreams that pull my present life off track
you the one who keeps me wanting to be alive

I want you
I want to see your face everyday
as your eyes are the window to a world I wish I could live in
I want to hold your hand
and I know I am shaking because I am nervous next to you
but it's only because the words I want to say to you want so badly to get out
but my tongue is a steadfast guard waiting at the gates of what I should and shouldn't do

I have to have you
I have to have the sun and the moon
the sky and the sea
the fire and the ice
awaiting all around me
For you are the sun
with radiance that brings life into existence
For you are the moon
a beacon of hope to all those who are tangled in the vines of their own beloved hate for themselves
For you are the sky and sea
I am a volcano and whenever I explode you are there to control my burning fire
you are the sky to push my lava back down to where I belong
on earth with you
You are fire
You do not fear me or anything else
You are ice
and my anger and yelling melts a little bitter deeper every time
until you are inside yourself

I know you hate me
but for you my love is unbearably true
My depression blossomed into a great redwood tree
and believe me I really ******* need you.

I need something
can put my finger on it
is it even tangible?
I need the feeling I get to hear my footsteps synchronize with yours
To know we are thinking as one
in a way even you can't deny

I need that
I need this
I need your bare feet on the tile floor
and I need your smile

Legs moving same angle
same degree
same timing
same thought
same grief
same whining
same sought
Which is more satisfying stick or stone
to crush those bones that walk beside yours
One Brain divided cannot stand
A Game of Magical Thrones
When I cross street would you hold my hand?
Of course not, that's why my shadow and I always walk alone.