A long time spent dreaming, wishing, hoping
In silence – biding my time, perhaps?
Peace, but only at the surface
And deep within, the heart fluttered in nervousness
Time spent waiting, partial apprehension undeniable
Wanting meaning, purpose – living alone seemed meaningless
And now there’s us – it’s no longer just I
All the patience, albeit superficial, finally pays off
As I erase all layers off my canvas, for us
What remains is relief, infinite relief
In gratitude towards the universe, for the hand that I have to hold

- http://ashez1607.wordpress.com

So I smile and nod my head when you speak
I pretend to listen to you, and I pretend to care
A smirk upon my face that I don’t even try to conceal
My eyes fixed upon distant nothingness
As I continue to ‘pay attention’ to you
Right before you I stand, stifling yawns
Yet you go on ranting, and you go on raving
Trying your best to demolish my self-esteem
And you fail so miserably
But because you sit upon a pedestal above me
I shall appease you with my fake expressions
While in reality, to me, you are but an insignificant fleck of nothingness

- http://ashez1607.wordpress.com

Be here, now, for this is all that matters

You only have now to live – to take in, to rejoice in, to control

You don’t have the future – you don’t know what will happen then

You’ve already lost the past – you can’t relive what’s been and gone

Despite all that you’ve dealt with before, and what lies ahead

You’re here for now – you’re alive, your heart still beats, and you still breathe

Regret not all that you’ve left behind

Rejoice about where it has brought you to

Revel in what you have now, who you are now

For unless you are content today, there will be nothing better tomorrow

Look up and thank the universe for bringing you to where you are now

And step on ahead towards where it can lead you tomorrow

Destiny, I’m finally ready to take a step forward

After all this time spent in denial of your powers

I’m now willing to be led down the path you have planned for me

Come take my hand, for I wish that you guide me now

I assure you there will be no more resistance from me

Open to everything you have in store for me

Come rain, come hail, come sunshine

I wish to face all that life has to offer

And I wish to keep my eyes open, and my heart open too

From now, I choose not to live like the coward I’d been all along

And from now, more pages of my book of life will be filled

So many tales, so many words, so many moments await

Little paper boat floating down the stream
Where the currents take it, there it will go
No sail of its own, no direction it controls
No anchor to tether it down, should it wish to halt
Round and round it goes, stuck in a little whirlpool
In its universe that is the stream
Nameless, it floats about in what it knows as its sea
Oblivion, let’s call it – forever detached it will be
And when the stream dries up, its journey will cease to be
Its true destination, albeit, it will never know

- http://ashez1607.wordpress.com

Keep a relentless smile upon your face

As you brave the cold that you face – both within and without

Yes, I know that you can’t see the sun now, nor feel its warmth

And every step you seem to take feels wrong

What if I told you to hold on, no matter what?

Would you have faith in me when I ask you to stay?

For it may seem like the sky is falling down

And the world may seem to be against you

It may get harder with every move you make

But if you can, and only if you can

Believe me when I say that there is a rainbow

Just a little ahead upon the path you are on

I know it’s hard to believe when all you see around you is darkness

But you will smile again, and rejoice again

For all will happen just the way you want it – it always does

So hold on for now, and hold on good, for faith is all you need

Your story will never get etched in sand

With every step you take upon the shore of life

Waves will wash away your footsteps in the sand – the ones you leave behind

And as you turn around, there will be none left, even for you to see

All that will remain to remind you of the life you have had

Will all be in your head – your experiences as memories

For you to recollect at will, to relive them and to fill the silence in your head

For when you are old and frail, and your hair’s as white as snow

Memories are all you will have, to hang on to

To remind you that you have been living, and probably still are

You gave birth to me and brought me into this world

You watched over me, fed me, read to me, and sang me lullabies

You taught me how to take my first steps, held my hands through it all

As I learnt how to put one foot in front of the next

Letting go of your grip, when you were sure I wouldn’t fall

You made sacrifices for me, putting my joys before yours

All the time driven by a dream to make my life better than the life you had

Moulding me into the person I am today

Infusing life into me with every lesson you taught

You have cried infinite tears of joy, through all phases of my life

No words would be sufficient to thank you for all that you have done for me

Mother, you have been the best teacher I could ever ask for

For you taught me how to live my life, and be proud of who I am today

For that, more than merely bringing me into this world, I will forever be indebted to you

As only a daughter can be towards her mother

I am humbled yet liberated as I confess the love I have for you

For everything you have been to me – my strength, my meaning, my maker, my mother

It’s a place filled with joy and peace

Where it’s safe to just be, and no reason to fear

Where skies are usually blue, but can get gray and stormy sometimes

But no matter what, the smile never wanes

Faith keeps it going – it survives on mere belief

A place that most usually long for, and spend ages searching desperately for

Where the mind can forever stay calm

For me, that place I find in you

And whenever I think of you, I can’t help but feel

That here is where the heart is

- http://ashez1607.wordpress.com

All my life, I wanted to belong with someone
Wanted someone’s hand to hold
Have someone beside me, on the journey that is life
And with you, I find that I truly belong
For the first time, I no longer feel like an aimless wanderer
No more blank canvases, no more empty gazing with a heavy heart
No more dead ends and dark corners to hide my tears and fears
You’re here, for good, and as you hold my hand through it all
There is going to be no more looking back at what was, and what has been
I belong with you now, and always will belong by your side

- http://ashez1607.wordpress.com

I know I may not say it much, but I still want you to know

Just how much you mean to me, and how thankful I am

For everything you have thrown my way – the good, the bad, and everything in between

For never having left my side, even when my faith wore thin

There have been times, I can’t deny

When I have questioned your motives, and your offerings

But for all those times of doubt, you’ve always managed to prove me wrong

Reassuring me of all your good intentions

Gratitude that I may not always choose to express openly

I only wish you would know that it exists deep within me always

For you are but my maker, and for me, you will do no harm

Dear God, as yet another year goes by, and we prepare ourselves to face the next

I thank you for all lessons and experiences I have had so far

And I shall always believe in you, for everything you are to me

You tried to do what no other could, or would
Yes, it was hard, going against the tide
You got hurt, and you got bruised
You may not even have gotten to the finish line
But remember, what matters is that you tried
That you had it in you to be different, and unafraid
To face the impossible, and not turn your back on it – like most did
I may be unknown to you, and your deed may be unknown to me
But know that I respect you and your spirit
Do not think of yourself or your actions as insignificant
Know that somewhere, someone has received hope through what you’ve done
And that you were the tiny candle flame in a room full of darkness for them
Light, nonetheless

When you come looking for me, and find me crouching in a dark corner
Won’t you come sit by me, just sit, and be still with me?
It will last only for a while – this silence, this moment we’d have then
No words from you are needed now; your presence means so much more
As you take my hand in yours, you may find that mine trembles
Don’t let that upset you, for I want to feel this way sometimes
The occasional blue makes life somehow more real
Too much joy makes me feel plastic
In this corner, in this little space and moment we share now
I feel more alive, and no longer afraid
Welcome to my world, I quietly say to you
Now you’re a part of it, and I feel safer and saner than ever before

- http://ashez1607.wordpress.com

Lean on me, whenever you need to
For now that I have held your hand, it will be for a lifetime, and more
If you should find yourself at a dead end upon your journey
Turn towards me, and in my eyes you will find more dreams to pursue
If you are too tired to take another step
Fall upon me, and I will take you where you need to go
As two becomes one with us, we are where we want to be
And the path we now tread on, we will call our own
Our dreams dissolve and come together, as we merge into unity
We will face tomorrow together, we will face eternity together
We will breathe for each other, and there will be no other reason
And the twinkle in my eyes will be but a reflection of that in yours, forever

Somewhere, in some unknown corner of this world,
A mother cries in agony, and is almost about to heave a sigh of relief
As out comes her little baby, into the world, outside of the one that has been
Nine months of wait, finally over, and now comes a new being, an offspring
She lies back on her bed, trying to catch her breath, wiping sweat off her brow
And just as she thinks it’s all fine, the doctor hands her the baby – a little girl
A daughter; and she is in shock looking at her, cursing the gods in their heavens
As a little pink crumpled face cries out for warmth, that she doesn’t want to give
All the dreams, hopes and aspirations fly right out the window
And nightmares come along just as quick to replace them
As she sees her past flash before her eyes, as her daughter’s future
The torture from the family, their helplessness as she grew up
Dreading the marriage, yet awaiting desperately to get her married off
Get rid of the burden that she seemed to be, tie it on someone else’s head
Saving up an entire lifetime’s worth of wealth, and giving it all away
Just so she’s accepted by another family, a wife, a daughter-in-law, a mother to be
To bear sons to her husband, as a show of her devotion, her only duty that could be
And then her mind clears of all these thoughts, and all that remains is stillness
A clarity that brings along with it decisiveness from somewhere deep within
And as she takes the little girl in her hands, eyes barely open
She twists her neck, until the baby cries no more, and the hands flail no more
And the stillness is all around, not just in her mind anymore, but also in the room
And quiet hidden tears are all that flow down her cheeks, no remorse
But a twisted sense of victory – a bud that got nipped even before blooming

Pretension, oh beloved actor, why do you do?

Conceal, do not reveal, the twisted grimace upon your face

While you smile the smile like a mime, benevolent, kindly, my dear angel

Upon the stage, where the spotlight makes you glow, makes you look pure

You begin to believe that you have a pure heart, and that you can’t do any evil

Even when the curtain closes, and the lights fade out, and you step offstage

You forget that your rosy makeup still remains

When you wipe off the layers caked upon your face

Do you know when to stop, do you know when you’ve reached the real you?

You pretend you don’t care when you actually do, for fear, perhaps?

Or you pretend you actually do care, when you really couldn’t be bothered – why that?

Pretend, deny the real you, ‘tis but the only way to survive, is it not

Thoughts drift in and out of my mind
So many I cannot recollect, I cannot keep count
But they vanish even before I can pen them down
Receding from my conscious memory
Leaving behind a hint of recollection
A vague sense of having thought of something
Like the slight foam that a wave leaves behind on the sea shore
Thoughts drift into my mind like little clouds
Clouds that I cannot catch, clouds that do not rain down
But then again, it never can rain when the sun shines, can it?

- http://ashez1607.wordpress.com

Upon a ledge with outstretched arms, I stand and look down upon the world

The horizon shimmers silver, no dark clouds anywhere in sight

Once I sat upon this very ledge, many years ago, with legs dangling in the air

Held back only by my arms, the only thing that kept me in reality still

This dream recurs, the thought refusing to leave. No, it does not bring nightmares

A sense of calm descends, knowing I’d not done wrong back then

I now return to the memory of this ledge; there’s unfinished business here

An ode that I promised to someone, someone who once needed me, and I failed

The someone whom I climbed back over the ledge for, to who this life is owed

Silence is all I have for you, prayers deep within the heart for your soul

Hoping your eternal quest for silence has finally succeeded

Look deep within your soul – do you feel something stirring?
In the dark recesses of the mind, with wisdom infinite, unknown
Does there lurk a shadow of anything unfamiliar?
You dig deeper and deeper, for you cannot fathom
Forget acceptance, you are so stuck in denial
But maybe it’s time to relax and let it sink in
That you have actually attained the calm
That your desire for peace has now been met
And you are who you really are – the same reflection that you see
Maybe what makes it so hard to admit
Is not the fear of change, or that it won’t last
But the contrary – that this is something you can have forever
And that the fear you dreaded all along was unfounded
That you can actually be happy, and not afraid of today and all that lies ahead

- http://ashez1607.wordpress.com

Me and myself, and all the while it has taken to get us here

Still alive, still breathing, still smiling

So what if my heart still remains hollow

And I have no one’s hand to hold yet

My smile will not fade because of my loneliness

At least I feel like I’ve healed

The wounds, now a thing of the past

And from the peak that I now stand upon

All I see are endless blue skies

And a sea of possibilities that beckon me

Lend me your essence, you lonely soul

And in return, I shall lend you my ear

Pour out your perceived sadness to me

And I shall pretend to care

Why worry, oh, downtrodden one?

You need a shoulder to cry on

Use mine, but for a price

Of course there is a price to pay, you fool

Did you really expect sympathy from the devil?

Your soul for my support – you need someone so bad, don’t you?

Don’t hesitate – I’m all you’ve got

- http://ashez1607.wordpress.com

Under a starlit sky, in the deep seas,  a little wave came to be
It was a cloudless, moonlit sky that night
The water, then, reflecting the faint twinkling of the stars
As its journey began towards the shore
And as the wave began to grow
It wondered where its destiny lay
And whereupon lay its purpose of creation
Growing taller with every passing moment
It wondered if its journey was to the sky above.
The tide wasn’t too high that night
And as the wave touched the shore –its journey now coming to an end
It befriended little grains of sand, willing some back into the sea with it
Bidding farewell to the shores, that for a brief moment served as a destination
The little wave now returned to the seas once more
Its form dissolved, its purpose fulfilled

- http://ashez1607.wordpress.com

For want of true love, a man died all alone
Holding out in search of perfection
Denying many genuine chances of what could have been love
He broke many hearts along the way
All along, the ones he spurned called him arrogant, heartless
Little did they, or anyone else, know of the heaviness that consumed his heart
For every heart that he broke along the way
For every pair of open arms that he walked away from
The tears he cried as he walked on remained unseen by all
Why he built a fortress around his heart, nobody knew
Everyone knew just how much he believed in love, in companionship
Though he never let anyone into his imagined darkness
In his last few days, as he realized that his time had come
He still held on fervently to the hope that he would find his love
And that before his soul escaped from his body
He would lose his heart from within the fortress
To the one true love who haunted his dreams
Yet never showed up in real life

- http://ashez1607.wordpress.com

Feels like I’m making up for all the time I’ve wasted in silence

Would it be too optimistic of me to think

That my mind’s floodgates have finally been demolished?

All thoughts that were controlled deep in my head somewhere

Are finally escaping out of me, and I can’t deny the relief that it brings

As my hand trembles with the effort to keep pace with my mind

Infinite words fill the pages that were blank for far too long

For far too long a time, I kept restraint

And now, as I let it all out, I can’t help but wonder why

And as my mind races with a million and one thoughts, all exploding at once

I wish my heart never stops pounding the way it is right now

I feel more alive than I have in so long a time

It’s almost a new feeling now, one I wish never comes to an end

Voices in my head, shadows surround me

I think, I feel, but I know not if only in a dream

I breathe – possibly that’s real

I speak – but I know not who can hear

The undertones in my voice, what I really mean

I stare out at a horizon, unblinking

Melancholia sets in, but not a tear runs down my face

Could it be that the unfeeling has finally caught on?

Are the doors shutting me in or shutting me out?

Are there even doors to begin with?

Look within you – let the heart lead you down the right path

As you come to a crossroads in life, and know not where to turn

Search deep within the heart – for s sign, for a clue, for the voice of your intuition

But what do you do when you hear nothing in return

And silence is all that echoes in your mind?

Where do you go for answers, for meaning?

When you look up at the skies in search of a light to guide you

And all you see is a black moonless, starless sky above

Have you ever wondered how you would proceed

When you reach out for a map to look up directions

And all you find are blank pages in your hands?

Who saves you when your heart ceases to reveal your inner self to you?

Will there still be hope for redemption, for salvation?