Agent Kingpin

Agent Kingpin Jan 2014

Sanity

I want to be insane and out of my mind
I want to lose my senses
Can you hear the music?
I want to listen to the symphony

I want to feel the pain
of love and misery
I want to see the world in harmony and in chaos
give birth to a new a purpose
I want the world to witness my pain, my sufferings,
put to an end
I want the world to watch me
save myself from the truth

And all of you, who stand by ignorance,
shall gaze in awe
of what will come to be
just to realize that, well,
you couldn't save me
I hid and I can never escape
I lose my sanity

Thanks to you, dearest brother,
I lose my sanity

Goodbye, old friend
Goodbye, old world
Goodbye, old self

Goodbye for this night shall pass
and my suffering will continue no more
This night shall pass
and I will remember you no more

Agent Kingpin Nov 2013

Move On

Don’t you get tired of the pain
that fights its way back to your heart
when all is well?

Don’t you get scared when you realize
that all you have been through,
no one can really fully understand
because you’ve locked yourself away along with the memories
you choose to linger on?

Don’t you get sick of all the mistakes
you keep on regretting just because you keep on
doing it again and again?

Don’t you feel even just a little sad about yourself
because you’ve always known that you’re given
the chance to break free from your small dark jail
and finally get the chance to be happy,
yet, you choose to close your eyes,
ask darkness to consume all of you,
and keep yourself there?

Agent Kingpin Nov 2013

Lonely nights turned grey

Maybe, it’s time to give the pain up.
Let my heart press restart.
Let it drag pain down the trash bin.
Let it open its door and invite love in.

Let it turn my lonely nights a thing of the past.
Let it turn those tortured nights into paradise.
Let it burn the marked words
He promised.

Let it bring me into a new life.

Agent Kingpin Nov 2013

It never gets old

Years have been lived.
Months have gone by.
Weeks have been wasted.
Days have passed.

All that’s left of me is gone.
He stares blankly as if I were not even there.
He moves at the slightest as if
I were to do something unexpected.

I stare at him blankly as if
he were the only person in the whole world.
I move at the slightest as if
one move may make him vanish.

All that’s left of me is nowhere to be found.
All that I see of him is just a bunch of memories.
Good memories,
they were.

Sadly, change happens anytime to anyone anywhere.

Now that it is as if he had forgotten me,
I think it’s time to let go and move on.
It’s just that whatever I do,
the pain never gets old.

It’s always the same:
Fresh, Young, and Stupid.

Will I get used to the pain?
Will it just fade away?

Well, I hope so.

Agent Kingpin Nov 2013

Forget

Could I ever forget those long nights
when I snuck out of the house just to be with you?
Could I ever forget those long nights
when we'd forget the time and
just walk until the sun rises?

Could I ever forget those long nights
when you had to wait an eternity for me,
yet, as I come out, you were still there
with a smile on your face?

Could I ever forget those long nights
when you made your silly little promises
that for me were bigger than any future I saw?

Could I ever forget those long nights
when you told me there were no “forevers”
and only unending?
Could I ever forget those long nights
when you'd whisper in my ear,
“I unendingly love you”?

Could I ever forget
the love you had shown me?

You did.

I could never.

Agent Kingpin Nov 2013

Fall

It feels good, doesn’t it?

That moment you get to forget
where you’re headed and
be contented you’re by his side.

Nothing could stop you.
Not even the world.

Not even the ground?

Yes, you fall.
Well, it’s about time.
The pain finally kicks in.

You can’t think straight.
You can’t see straight.

So, let your eyes take in everything.
Look around you.
Where is he?

You fall.

He doesn’t.

It hurts all the more, doesn’t it?

Agent Kingpin Nov 2013

All These Things I’ve Done

I can’t get another try
but I fathom the fact of
holding on.

I hold on
and
hold on.

I keep slipping away,
It doesn’t matter.

I’ll shout as loud as I can.
It won’t matter.

Nothing will matter.

I’m done and
all these things I’ve done
are just a thing of the past.

Help me out.

I’ve got nothing to hold on to.