My mind is jumbled up with feelings and thoughts that i once stored away. Is this this real or is this lust?. I miss your touch, your scent, your lips, but is it worth it?. I don't want to fall into the center hole that trapped me, i can't catch anymore feelings. Little skits remind me of you, i shouldn't be thinking like this. Things will all go back to normal, then where will I stand?. I need you to fulfill my empty space, but i just can't be with you. It's a pleasure to know I'm on your mind, but a sin that I'm locked in this triangular dungeon. Should i praise or cry?. Just be in my presence and I'll live. I'm so confused, yet i know where I'm going. No one else can portray you...

My back against the glass,
I'm sitting waiting for you.
I'm cold but I can take the breeze.
I wait patiently,
my hands in my pockets.

There's butterflies in my stomach,
my hair is flying in my face.
I check and wait for the bus to come,
I see one, but it isn't yours.

While I'm waiting patiently,
I hear a knock against the glass behind me.
I turn around for a complete surprise,
there's you.
Your hand motions tell me to come,
I follow.

As we hop on the same bus you were on,
we catch a seat.
Me staring out the window,
your arm around my shoulder.

You kiss me on the cheek,
and my whole face becomes red and warm.
I feel secure,
you right next to me.

We hop off the bus to get another one,
we wait.
The bone-chilling weather aggravates me,
but you keep me warm.

Our first kiss was memorable,
people tend to stare.
You grab my ***,
I grab yours.

You hand me a stick of mint gum,
I shove it in my pocket for safe keeping.
Our bus finally arrives,
it's gonna be a long trip.  

The bus is crowded,
but we can't stand long.
You hitch up a seat for us,
but there's only one.

I have to sit on your lap,
you don't seem to mind.
You're in pain though,
not my fault there's no seats.

A guy finally gets up,
there's a free seat for me now.
The bus trip is dreadful,
but it's worth every dime.

We get off the bus,
we have to walk still.
Hand in hand as we go, the cold can't stop us now.

Once we're in, we're finally warm.
The mall is huge,
we walk a little, shop a little.

Those endless times of our lips touching,
we must be careful so people don't interrupt.
We grab a bite and drink,
we cuddle.

Our legs walk through every entrance,
not my fault I love to shop.
More lips are touching,
hugs too.

The sun gets weary, and dims down a bit.
We must get home soon,
one more entrance, it wont be long.

It's time to head out,
the sky paints a sunset view.
We catch that bus,
we're warm again.

Our day was exquisite,
too bad we only lasted a week.

I'm kinda tired of having these reoccurring dreams about you and waking up and you're still not here.
what ever happened to predictability?
I'm torn between the two. Between what's wrong and what's right.
I was happier then.
Or was that me? Or am I now me?
Like holding water in your hand.
Would you go back to then? Just beginning then?
Would you?

You're a red rose.
Bleeding sympathy.
Craving love,
learning growth,
seeking beauty...

Let me know now.
I can't wait hours and hours with my head overflowing with so many deeds.
If it's bad, it'll hurt like thorns and knives,
But it's good to know.
If it's good, my mind will settle and I'll be happy.
This long progression always happen.
God told me to wait. Don't expect too much either.
Things can go left and right, bad or good. Just don't give up.
Just let me know.
Let me know so I'll be prepared.
Let the bird chirp now before it's too late.

The sun kissed her velvet skin as she opened her arms out to the shore.
“Take me as I am!”
Nobody wants to be left here with nobody.
The wind ran its fingers through her sweet hair.
“Love me for me!”
It's hard to be grab on the ones you love when they're not there.
Her tears were cold, sad.
The pain in her heart ate her insides as she breathed.
Her lips wanted to be kissed, but that was impossible.
“Why?”
“Don't leave me sun, for you is all I have.”
There's not a soul out there that wants her.
She's a loner on the fearful shore.
Knees buckling to the wet sand,
She cried even more.
“Take me as I am!”

As the snow falls softly onto your cheeks, I dream of a better place. One where the moon doesn't disappear as morning comes, the purple haze won't leave and you will stay forever to die in my arms. Pain can be placid as each droplet glides along the crevices of your body. My tone is indiscreet, each fleeting syllable formed perfectly on my lips, but as they touch yours, we make sweet music together. Your face is close as I speak words that I longingly hope you will never forget. Our limbs entangle as the song cascades, never to end, much like the book in which we write. Each chapter carefully crafted in my hands. Sometimes I wish you had written me, my heart a page beneath your hands, droplets of ink sprawled helplessly over my being. The chapter has finished now, though, when do we start to write the next? Or has our time of making music come to an end.

I'm fed up. Why am I not treated like a queen?
I feel so left out. Why am I not treated special when I'm committed.
It's like I'm the side order, or just another.
Gets me so sick, I choke on madness and pain.
But they wouldn't care.

I thought you were mine, you said it. I thought I was the one.
Guess I'm not.
Why do I have to be the hidden one no one knows about?
I can't be known?
You said you loved me, that was a pure lie.
I feel betrayed, hurt, replaced, used, abused, embarrassed in front of my own family.
I was trying to prove them wrong, when all along they were right.
Now the anger is in me.

I want to cry till my eyes can't shed another tear. I have the urge to cut.
I want to hurt, I want to feel pain.
I just want to be loved till I know it's really real.
Everything once told was a lie.
They use me then throw me.
Cheat on me then lie to me.
I don't see the results till I feel it. The question is,
Why can't I be loved?

I can't deal with liars. This is journey is rough enough,
it's hard to move on.
Everything that was once did, all fake.
I'm always the faithful one, trusting, good, sweet.
I try to be there in hard times,
But they use me for granted.
They shouldn't deserve good, they need to go to hell.
Pure hell.

And burn.

Explain why you destroyed me and now want to control me. Explain that.

Your name will be unspoken,
But know it's about you.

Coconut butter kisses that give you love and blisses
Dwell on me heavy as my heart vigorously beats steady.
I push passed the painful past but still plumet,
I love you, *******.

I'm played out, anxious, and
Sad because you don't see me
Sad because you don't hear me
Sad because you're the humming in my veins while I'm just the dust on your fingertips.
I love you, *******.

There's no darker place than my moonless midnight thoughts.

Love will either break you or destroy you.

Warm bloodshot tears tickle my cheeks.
You give me headaches that reach to my peaks.
Your scandalous words burn my ears,
Yet I still continue to listen
I love you, *******.

I don't know what we are sometimes…

These pinpoint needle emotions are sharp in my lungs it makes it hard for me to breath.
I suppose I should let it go,
But I love you, *******.

Explaining why I love you,
Is like explaining the taste of water.
Impossible.

My love for you is like a exquisite melody,
Only the lyrics are distorted.

She seen him across the wet sands.
The shore was just as wide as the sun can reach it.
Her heart ached, lips moved but air came out.
He was turned to where the sun can hug him.
She wanted to hug him.
“Why!?” she plead as she was closer.
He turned to her.
“Because I'm not made for you. We don't attach like the moon and the lit stars attach. Our lips don't spark when we kiss under the trees. I don't feel your company within me. I'm cold, I can’t right now.”
It was a cutthroat hesitation.
She felt her insides churned and burst.
“For once… For once I felt something brewing in me... like a bird loves a singsong. I feel as if this was meant to be. Us. We. The sun can only hold you for so long. But me, i can't hold you to infinitive.”
He held her tight, hugging her as her tears fell onto his sleeves.
Could this be the….end? She thought to herself.
“Please don't let go…” She whispered.
“I don't want to, but it needs to be done.”
With one tug, he was apart.
Feeling the cold gaps between them, wind separating their love.
No one liked this part.
Her brain, blasted from the repetitive scorn words that he said not too long ago.
She cannot get them out.
If only if only if only.
“I'm sorry. I'm sorry for being the burden in your air. Sorry for the space I've taken up. I'm sorry for invading the life that was once just yours. I'm sorry for being around!” She screamed.
No response.
The thick waves told a story as he walked deeper into them.
Why.

No matter how much you plea and cry,
The memories will not appear back.
The heart wrenched days and the guilt trip days were good.
The soft peck days and the love set days were also a treasure.
Memories run for a reason.
Not to get away, but to stay longer.
The more you think the more you cry.
Memories cherish every ounce of feeling.
You can feel them with your own fingertips.
Some people like to sway from memories.
Other try to recount it.
It's like a spin cycle.
Your memories hold the gold that rest in you brain.
Don't deny or hate it.
It's life.
Memories are faster than the speed of light.

I'm walking away from where I started.
I'm dropping behind the nest and moving on.
I'm taking a foot further and experiencing.
I'm leaping towards the light.
I despise this new comfort zone,
But I have to do it.
When you step out of the darkness, there's light beaming on your soul.
Make that change,
Even if it hurts you and the ones you love.

It smells like summer. The good kind of summer.

You're trying to make him yours,
He may not be mine but he's still my property.
Don't touch him, kiss him, laugh with him, sit with him.

Nothing.

Me and him have a connection,
Our bond is weak and strong, i don't need you ruining it.
We may have parted, but i still love him in a way.

Mine.

He's special, is that why you're trying to steal him?
He'll probably fall for you but never love you.
Trust me, he comes to me even when the spark is gone.

Can't own something that's not yours.

You can call it jealousy, at least i don't show it.
Don't give me those stingy looks,
You don't scare me honey.
I've seen worse.

Nice try.

You can't have what's mine.
It's against the rules.

Death is not equal nor is it fair.
Its deep depression hugs your skin so tight till the warmth of your blood blisters within inside.
The hands of tar holds your wrist,
melting you to the gritty bones.
You can't help but to fall into a transparent universe.
Your eyes are glossy all over, and your breath is cold to the temp.
You have dark circles beneath your eyes.
Hate to say it,
but you're dead.
Just relax and pretend you're another dimension,
playing jump-rope around the corner.  
Your whole body is hallow,
the ground is forever infinite.
Where is your mind right now?
I don't know.
Death doesn't do much.
We give death work, it pays us with great fortune.
Just let go.
Let yourself fall into the arms of death.
Everything you see now is bleak, draft,
nothing.
Be the sweet rooted demotic demon person you are.
Death doesn't mind.
You look to see if the clock has struck twelve,
but it hasn't.
All because of death.
Death doesn't make its move until you drop the silver spoon.
It watches you from up above.
Watch you bleed from the neck,
or weakened at the heart.
You can pursue any way to go.
Death will do.
Stop running the 100 mile race just to chase away the horrors of death.
It will come to you when you least expect it.

Why?
Why leave me left alone in the dark?
Why ignore me like my life has dispersed from your hands?
Why use me as your own?
Why conversant then devastate me?
You left the world for another
Your lips tasted like nicotine
And tobacco that night,
And I remember the
Way your skin was hot enough
To light a cigarette on
A winter day,
I should have seen the
Birth of my addiction
When your hot breath
Touched my neck, and
All I could think was
“Please, please,
Set me on fire.

I...
I don’t know you.
I knew you, my knives knew you better.
You like this aciculate butcher placed slanted upon your cheek?
I do.
I can whisper a thousand words in your ear.
Flushed and corrupt.    
But I can never do such thing.
I could sit and watch you hold your neck in fear as your hands paint me a picture.
I smoke a cigarette between my plump lips.
I sit there.
I look good in all livid black.
Sometimes, I think about what my knives can really do to you.
With my broad raccoon eyes, I look down at you in disgust.
I pull the bed sheets to reveal what could be your body agonizingly arranged.
Below zero.
Why waste my makeup on someone who has no heart to give.
My red lipstick will never smudge.
Don’t I look dainty sitting in nothing but in my bra? Watching you suffer.
Branch my heel in your throat.
Bend and curve, I hear your bones fracture as I jab deeper.
I like the smell of fear.
I don’t have friends, they disappoint me.
Claws are the new nails,
And I **** you up.
I got a pocket knife.
I like to chuck it out once in a while when thinking of you.
Hushes my nerves.
That black cat you saw in the alley last night,
That was me.
How about we ****** you and harvest your organs for beer money.
I like that.
You remind me of my favorite serial killer.
I have favorites.
I invoke thee.
Someday you will ache like I ache.
I have happy dust to make that happen.
My ****** up boots against your blasted head looks appealing to me.
I just look illegal, don’t I?
I need coffee and a donut for this.
Laughing hysterically while you spin full speed in agony on my marry-go-round.
I make violence look good.
I wonder who’s more evil.
Me.
Shall I say I’m the queen of death?
My heart has barbed wire around it. Protection is the key.
Your life was just a blank canvas until I made art out of it.
Don’t play with my fire,
It’ll burn you alive, baby.

I'm such a freak in the head.

Telling me I'm crazy doesn't make you sane.

So shut up.

I'm hurt.

But reality, you're in most pain.

Bad blood.

I am death, personified.

Revenge is a dish best served cold.

Do you think I'm sadistic now?
I invoke thee...

I hope.

No one can't tell you how to live your life.
No one can't make you tie your shoes when you're walking the ten feet blocks to heaven.
You have an option to wake up that one dark night.
I can't tell you to stay at home and watch the daffodils sway,
that's your option.
No one can't cascade your mind, making you think the way they do.
No one can't tell you to bite the bud off the flower,
it's whatever.
You have a right to stand and preach your words of the holy bible or not.
Whatever book you want your mind to seep in to,
let it be.
You have a choice to paint your walls blue.
No one can't say you can't make a bonfire in the mid-summer.
If you like the long way,
take the long way.
If you want an elusive sweet education, then go for it.
No one can't stop you from breathing.
That choice you made two minutes ago,
was your option.
You have an opinion to what you like.
Whether it's sweet or bitter.
If you like that stripped sweater then wear it every Tuesday.
You are you.
No one can't take your pride away,
whether it's gender wise, cultural or fantastical.
You are freaking you.

She sits on the wet porch, being awakened by the cold wind that hits her skin. Wind shall pass, if not, then why does it blow?

"Weep when i'm gone if you must,
But know it's true if you trust.
I'll only be gone for a day;
And soon you'll be going that way"

The leaves fall gently upon her leather tired shoes,
They're beaten and worn.
She's made a mile and a half just to get where she is now,
She wants to stay.

"Weep when i'm gone if you must,
But know it's true if you trust.
The tears you shed now in such sorrow,
Will be tears of great joy in the morrow."

As the bronze clock strikes noon, she watches the sky leave her behind.
What if she isn't here tomorrow?

"Weep when i'm gone if you must,
But know it's true if you trust.
Death isn't the end of the story;
It's just the beginning of glory."

She trails off and is never seen again.

As I sleep with my eyes closed in tight,
I start to wonder that beaming light.
My eyes creak open like a rusty door,
All I see is darkness surrounding me more.
I leap out of bed like a worried dreamer,
Following the light that sinks in deeper.
As I open the door with a slight pull,
The lights seem brighter and fill in full.
Soft as I go down the stairs,
I tilt my head in a curious stare.
Wondering who I’m seeing down below,
A man who seems jolly and very fellow.
Face so pink hair so white,
He wears all red in such delight.
A bag full of goodies 2 or 3,
I wonder if one of them is for me.
My heart starts to flutter and my mouth starts to say,
“Is this all real or just one of those crazy days”?
I stare and watch him do his best,
As he releases the gifts and pats his chest.
The tree becomes a beauty of wonderful surprise,
As I watch the magic with my own eyes.
No one knows the feel of joy,
Until they see the wonder and enjoy.
I call this Christmas.

Life is hard. Be silly.

Is it bad to have a slight crush on your friend?
You guys are like family. This isn't right.
You tell yourself you don't like that person,
But the heart always interrupts.
You're sad when that person isn't there,
You're happy when you guys are hanging,
Songs play in your mind, mess with your emotions.
You create false scripted scenes in your head, hoping it'll happen.
These feelings need to go,
Before they tarnish a wonderful friendship.
That person doesn't feel that way,
Not that you know of.
It just wouldn't be right,
But it feels so right.
Is this why I'm sad?
Just keep putting them feelings down,
Don't let them out, before you tarnish up inside.
Goodbye for now, crush.

/friend ship/

1. The emotions or conduct of friends;
the state of being friends.

2. A relationship between friends.

Coffee ring circled on the desk
All you can think about is getting out of there.
Tie loosens, nails biting,
You stare directly in the clock's eyes.
Time stretches.
Computer screen goes dim
A blank reflection of yourself appears.
The clothes on your body tightens,
They stick to your skin like melted dew.
Deep breaths heal the soul they say
All you wanna do is just go home after a long day of working.

He dropped a bottle, we watched the lactic leave and cover the floor.
"He's a baby boy, he doesn't know better."
He tipped the vase that was onced said not to be touched,
Drew on walls with all sorts of colors.
"He's a baby boy, he doesn't know better."
Ran with bread in his hands that wasn't his,
Walked on property that said NO.
"He's a baby boy, he doesn't know better."
Absent from school, days and days,
Sobbed and pout in stores when mother said,
I'm not buying that.
"He's a baby boy, he doesn't know better."
Grades were lowering,
Smiles were deterring.
"He's a baby boy, he doesn't know better."
Tussled in the streets with the no-good-doers,
Trying to protect the change in his pockets.
"He's a baby boy, he doesn't know better."
He came in the house of the mist of nights,
Bashed and bitter,
Partied till sunrise.
"He's a baby boy, he doesn't know better."
He met a lover,
Left her for another and another.
"He's a baby boy, he doesn't know better."
He howled and beaten people,
Threatened their lives if they spoke of it.
"He's a baby boy, he doesn't know better."
Jumped in mysterious cars and tarnished the neighborhoods,
Took innocent lives,
Was sentenced life.
"He's not a baby boy, he knows better."

Christ is in control everything bad that happens is for a reason. So whatever you may be going through right at this very moment, stand fast do not be afraid and whatever is happening never give up. For there is a reason even if we do not know what it is, trust and stand firm.

Are we pages to a book someone has created?
Is this their fantasy they've pieced together with mind to mind?
We're characters obeyed to do as the author demands.
Do we think?
Or do we act?
Who really controls us?
Do the words we speak come from our minds,
or from another's?
Do you know if you're fiction or not?
I don't.
Is earth really earth?
Or is it a sketch in a notepad?
The questions we ask, they boggle our minds.
Is there really a god they speak of?
A hell?
Is this all make believe and we're playing our parts?
We'll never know.
Can we walk out of this chapter and read between the lines?
Or are we stick figures?
You answer.

Sometimes, the key to making progress is to recognize how to take that very first step. Then you start your journey. You hope for the best and you stick with it, day in and day out. Even if you’re tired, even if you want to walk away. You don’t. Because you are a pioneer. But nobody ever said it’d be easy.

Excuse me if I'm annoying. I just love you. That's all.

Tonight, this lonely night. I stay up in the mist of darks.
Thinking about you.
You were the light that led the ways to wonders.
As I sit in the dark, I reminisce the speck of life we had.
So short, yet felt so long.
My heart aches for your warmth to surround me. Your arms twined with mine.
I miss your soft delicate lips that felt as if kissing a daisy.
Who cared? You cared?
You stretched your heart out to the ones who needed it.
Your soul was, and is, a ball of entertainment that can entertain a universe all at once.
I miss those hands that were cold to the touch,
But yet wonderful to grip.
You were the one I can mess with your chin,
You were the one I can run my fingers through your thick curly plush hair.
You were the one I can show my odd abilities to, and you wouldn't dare look at me strange.
Can I take a moment to inhale your sweet succulent aroma,
Reminds me of love.
I lay my head on your shoulder,
My eyes glance at what can be the future for me.
Yet, Has left me here to question is there anything out there for me...
You were, and will always be, the one that crosses my mind in a snap dream.
I sit here in the mist of darks,
Thinking about you while my stomach churns and heart aches.
Will you come back, will you?.

Please come home,
For I have weakened over time.
This constant clinking in my head won't go.
I struggle to stay sane.
People speak with the spice of words,
Yet their words don't stop me from coming back.
How can someone drop a feeling?,
Drop a heart note?
I am failing at a quest that is easy.
Help,
And come back home to me

I wanna scream.
And shout.
And let it all out.
But I can't.

As a sit in blankness, I forget who I am and what I do.
It's because of you.
You do this to me.
In a good way?
I don't know.
I feel good, at the moment.
But overall, I just want a warm hug.
I just want a kiss on the cheek.
I just want attention like the people give the sun.
You can't direct orders if I'm not on your team.
You can't control me, until you say you love me and want me as your own.
Brain is about to exlpode.
I love you too much.
Haven't been myself since puberty kicked in.
Odd.
I don't know where I am or if I'll ever find myself.

His icy waves struck my face as I begin sinking into his bearing arms.

I get a thick salt taste when his massive pushes pull me down.

My heart beat is decreasing, water is filling up like a glass.

His drenched, wet hands touch my bare skin.

I'm still drowning.

I try to escape, but the agony is too strong.

He buries me in pain.

I gasp for air, try to say words, but his massive ways are just too much.

His shallow, dark, abyss personality appears as I sink deeper in.

Why must he cause a storm like this?

I'm lost in this stormy love affair.

Will I ever be saved, or will I just drown.

I like you.
But I like you too.
We wonder, for awhile