nothing changes
if
nothing changes

the pain in your eyes
are the shadows of your past,
like storm clouds passing

people always leave.

119 days,
2,856 hours,
171,360 minuets,
10,281,600 seconds,
and i still think of you.
I remember everything so vividly;
my heart pounds within my chest
as glass begins to shatter,
a stream of tears begin to fall,
that is when you let go.
while I wish
to hate you,
I find myself missing you.
and sometimes I wonder,
do you still think of me.

I ignored others for you.
You ignored me for others.
I fought for us,
you gave up.
I waited for you,
you moved on a week later.
I saw a future,
you saw an expiration date.
I was in love,
you were lonely.
I gave my all,
you gave the bare minimum.
I was honest,
you were lying.
I gave you my heart,
you destroyed it.
don't you dare say
we are the same because
while I was breaking,
you were with her.
When I sought understanding,
you sought lust.
While I was hating myself,
you found a quick fix.
When I let you in,
you gave up.
We are not the same.

if he wanted to,
he would.

can’t you see darling,
you broke me.

you can tell when someone is in love
by looking at their eyes.
I know because
the way you looked at her
was a way I had never
seen you look at me.
it was as if she created the stars in the sky.
you were left in awe,
while I was unaware of it all.

so many people
are in love
but not together.
&
so many people
are together
but not in love.

you never cared.
if you did,
you would have
never left.

I see him in my dreams
I wake up in a cold sweat
streams of tears falling on my face
screaming
begging for him to stay
there I am again
watching him pull the triger
here I am again
blood on the ground
trembling
hands covered
lip quivering
thinking he'll save me
but once I look up
he's no where to be found
the man I love pulled the trigger again
he's no where to be found
again

to live is to write
to write is to heal
to heal is to no longer write
to no longer write is to no longer live