to live is to write
to write is to heal
to heal is to no longer write
to no longer write is to no longer live

I see him in my dreams
I wake up in a cold sweat
streams of tears falling on my face
screaming
begging for him to stay
there I am again
watching him pull the triger
here I am again
blood on the ground
trembling
hands covered
lip quivering
thinking he'll save me
but once I look up
he's no where to be found
the man I love pulled the trigger again
he's no where to be found
again

people always leave.

you can tell when someone is in love
by looking at their eyes.
I know because
the way you looked at her
was a way I had never
seen you look at me.
it was as if she created the stars in the sky.
you were left in awe,
while I was unaware of it all.

you never cared.
if you did,
you would have
never left.

so many people
are in love
but not together.
&
so many people
are together
but not in love.

if he wanted to,
he would.

nothing changes
if
nothing changes

can’t you see darling,
you broke me.

I ignored others for you.
You ignored me for others.
I fought for us,
you gave up.
I waited for you,
you moved on a week later.
I saw a future,
you saw an expiration date.
I was in love,
you were lonely.
I gave my all,
you gave the bare minimum.
I was honest,
you were lying.
I gave you my heart,
you destroyed it.
don't you dare say
we are the same because
while I was breaking,
you were with her.
When I sought understanding,
you sought lust.
While I was hating myself,
you found a quick fix.
When I let you in,
you gave up.
We are not the same.

119 days,
2,856 hours,
171,360 minuets,
10,281,600 seconds,
and i still think of you.
I remember everything so vividly;
my heart pounds within my chest
as glass begins to shatter,
a stream of tears begin to fall,
that is when you let go.
while I wish
to hate you,
I find myself missing you.
and sometimes I wonder,
do you still think of me.

the pain in your eyes
are the shadows of your past,
like storm clouds passing