I told myself,

I’d never let another 

make me feel again. 

Because it seems every beginning

seems to have an end. 

But then you came along–

my heart started to sing a song.

When in your presence,

I try to act nonchalant-

I try to play pretend,

because I promised myself–

I would never let another in.

But deep within,

you have my heart beating.

you’ve become my muse–

you have my pen heaving.

You give the word love, 

a new meaning-
a true meaning.

Paradise is
buried in your arms,
dancing on your lips,
shining in your eyes.

Serenity is
laced in your voice,
tangled in your hair,
lingering in your touch.

Sanity can’t be found
in the wires of my head,
the depths of my soul,
or the blood in my veins.

Safety is
the space between your fingers,
underneath your stare,
sparkling in your smile.

Unnoticed is⎯
Plainness is⎯
Helplessly in love is
in my reflection.

I am a fraction;
a small shard of
something you adore. Even
after all the times you tore me
into bits, left me for dead,
I still come crawling, lovesick,
back to you. I silently beg for
your attention, love, touch, ever-
pure affections. Even after all
the times you broke me,
left me empty, I still come
crawling back to you. Come
to float in a dark sea of name-
less faces and become a shard
of the mirror that stares back
at you with adoration glowing
in its curious eyes. When I am
a piece of something, something
that means the world to you, it
suddenly doesn’t matter how
many times you’ve shattered me
or ripped me in two. Even after
every time you implied I’ll never
be exactly the girl of your big,
dizzy, starlet-laced dreams,
I come crawling back to you
so I can set myself up for falling
in love with the very person who
neglects me best and cares the
least for me. So I can set myself
up for falling back in love with
you.

I’d move the mountains that stand between us
To see you again and call you names
Tell you I hate you
And that you’re so mean

Just to hear you laugh and see you grin
While kicking the sand beneath your feet
And hear you tell me that I’m wrong
Even though I already knew I was

When I’m around you
Nice things don’t come easy
I’m better at insults and mean-sounding things
It’s a secret that I’m falling hopelessly

I can wish death upon you with a snap of the fingers
But then, in my head, take it back
I don’t know what’s the matter with me
I’ve never been this tongue-tied

I’d run the rivers the separate us
To see you again and ignore you mercilessly
I thought it was the boys who make fun
When they have a crush, but I already knew I was wrong

I cross my fingers and look at that star way up in the sky
I hope someone talks me out of this
I’ve denied and rejected and resented change
And this is no exception

Not even the sweetest thing on the east coast

I don’t get to write sad poetry anymore
Not when you nested between my ribs like a second heart,
beating an orchestra,
a whole concerto against my skin.
There’s gentle fingers on my scraped knees,
they don’t feel so painful anymore.

you remind me that

there is still some beauty left

in this world of mine

Dear three year old me
It isn’t that your daddy doesn’t want you, he just wants to drink more
This is not your fault, and it is not your mom’s fault either
Your daddy will regret his priorities someday, rest assured.

Dear ten year old me
Mom's new boyfriend doesn't have a bad side, quit waiting for him to leave
He is not going to
He loves you and this family

Dear fifteen year old me
When your boyfriend screams at you for the first time, get out of there
He is lying every time he says “I love you”
Do not stay with him, it will not get better

Dear eighteen year old me
Love is not found on the couches of cigarette stained strangers
He only wants one thing and you know it
You're better than this

Dear twenty year old me
We’ve really been through it this year huh?
All those little worries from your earlier years seem so irrelevant now

Dear twenty five year old me
I hope we make it