Am I mad, I ask.
To have no heart,
It is too much of a task,
I always depart,
because it is not my heart
not no more.
It has always been a part,
of the world around me, forevermore.
I laugh too loud,
I shout too everything,
my smile too proud,
the world do bring
too much for me.
Too much temptation,
too much to be,
too much hesitation.
I gave my love to all,
But my soul was not mine,
it is enough to make me ball,
so with more and more lines,
I hope to tame the monster,
with no heart and another
soul, to keep it from her,
because I am but a cur,
whose heart belongs to one,
the soul to the other girl,
because they give me fun,
theirs at but a single curl
of a finger. So **** me please,
so that I do not have to stay
away from both, I need release

My body Screams for release,
It begs for never ending peace.
One cut and rest forevermore,
or a quick lay, bones on the floor.

It is just another lonely night
where I sit with a pen and try
to forget my feelings, might
I finally just disappear now?
can I just have to not feel this
war to actually give a ****?
to not succumb to the bliss
of apathy? How badly I want
to not have to fight for you
guys, because none of you
would care if I stopped, who
would actually stop me if
I gave up fighting to care for
anyone? who could be able
to stop me from cutting once more?
I don't even remember why
I stopped, all I know is that
I can't, it would hurt... my
friends, or family, or somebody
but I cannot even remember who
I am not supposed to lie to
I am not supposed to... to
what, exactly? to not want
to sleep once more, or drink
or why I find it hard to breathe
or to stop it all within the blink
of an eye, to fade from your
sights, and just.... fade into
the crowds once more, a friendly
stranger, god I want it to woo
me to sleep once more, that knife
against all of the fake strife
that I call into my heart once more.
I fight for people to be in my life
yet I forget why I even bother
anymore, all I know is I... need
them for something, a reason
that makes me not try to bleed.
my closet friend wants to hang,
chill with old man grim, and
no one will talk to me 'cept
the brother who others brand
a monster of rage and anger.
not without me talking to them
first, did you all just stop wanting
me to be in your lives? all of them
to busy or have to hard of a time
to see me? to even try to talk to me
is a great struggle, so I have to lie
or you would all leave me to be
but I cannot get this voice to say
I would hurt you all if I vanished,
or if I died, but I am losing this war
once again, soon to have banished
my empathy, my heart once again.
and I know that if I am asked about
this poem, I will just say its all good
and I can make you all believe me bout
it, because my facade is to good

What do you want me to say?
That I feel like my friendship
is a lie? my suicidal friend may
leave me here and it kills me
inside? Or that the girl I like
feels wrong at my touch?
My friends want to see me, psych,
No one can see me when I
am good to see them, only when
I am not good do they want to.
and look at me, grabbing my pen
to write more lines like I have
an actual problem that cannot
be easily solved without a knife
a knife I have definitely fought
for way to long, maybe I would
be happier in hell, for pain and
darkness has always been more
like home then all of the land
of my home town and family.

I wonder what will happen
the day that I get to fade,
will anyone miss me at all?
or will you all be happy to bade
me farewell? Will you be happy
that I am gone from your sight?
when I fade from your life
with an echo of you, a new blight
for me, another shadowed dream
lost forever, or will you miss me?
A dumb boy, a fool drunk on the
thought that love will save thee.

The revelation of my ways lead me back
But that wall, it never crumbles
If we forget and forgive how long
Till we relive all our fouls and fumbles?

Carry me back to that time at the water
And your skin never looked so good
Your lack of persistence I never understood
And where are you now?
Where are you now that I'm gone?
Do you feel wronged
Or regret that I had to write you this song?

It was never gonna work
You told me last
Did you even bother to look through our past?
Who called it bad?
The only thing you told those faces is why you're so sad
But why not me? I was always open to suggestions
My bones could break from the weight I carried for you
And you can't turn away and act like it's not true
Stop this front, it's getting old
You always do what your music told
Wanna hear some romantic ****?
Take a seat and let us handle it
Us, not the voices in your ears
The ones who don't know the good in our years

Carry me back to that time at the water
And your skin never looked so good
Your lack of persistence I never understood
And where are you now?
Where are you now that I'm gone?
Do you feel wronged
Or regret that I had to write you this song?

I'm not sounding desperate
In saying we need to fix this
I know it, you know it,
Always swing and a miss
How hard can it be for you to forget everything that I miss.....

******, please let it end,
That is what I ask for and
wish for, just one slight bend
in fate to let my body land
six feet under the ground.
******, my choices are mine,
no one will turn me around,
because I will always be fine.
The moment it turned from
"best for me" to "best for all"
is the moment that I become
fine, till the day that I fall.
See, I am done changing
myself for everyone else,
Because there is nothing
I will let be done to myself.
Everyone is more worried
for me then I am, and that
means I should always heed
them, cuz I am definitely bat
**** crazy, to not want to
conform, so let it end, the
questioning of me for who
should worry about me
unless they want to use
me? Why is it that I have
to change, when they abuse
me, I would let heaven move,
Before I do