No! I aint  going back.
I aint wishing to go back!
Back again to the same old routine.
The same insecure questions.
hanging in the air, behind your back.
When I hug you,they appear.
They stare at me and laugh at my miserable state.
My mind is playing games with me
and I have lost,badly.
Binge eating.Binge drinking.
Unconsciously.
Consciously.
Making yourself believe in the false
perception.
A rainbow,made of candy sprinkles and marsh mellows.
Sweet weddings and cuddly children.
But life has to be an un-idealistic *****.
A sweet thing endowed on us.
A sweet candy handed to us by the shopkeeper.
a kind in kind that he gives to get away
from guilt and monotony.
A smile makes his day.
A penny gone though.
*
I aint going back.
To the TV watching.
to the hogging
and to the lousy cold love-making.
I aint going back to conversations that bear no fruit.
Conversations filled with hormonal rushes,
head rushes,motherly and fatherly feelings,
orderly arguments.
Angered moments,
angered and tempered to them limit.
fists, bumps,scratches.
Love drowned down with beer
smoked away in a puff.
I don't want to go back!
No way! No sir.
I would rather wait for the bus.
May be walk for miles myself.
I like to walk anyways.

A foggy head is a dangerous situation.
Can't think.
Always over-think.
I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.
But, the tunnel is long.
Or it seems so to me.
Old friends seem old.
New ones too cynical.
Some groups are too loud.
No minute to despair.
Swear,swear and get back to work!
Some groups are too idealistic.
Salaries,profiles,de-profiled and
other depositions are discussed.
I watch them like  a TVC,
Mindless yet grasping words.
Minimum to maximum.
Ina flushing of hormones.
Some women I meet ,
they complain about laying low.
Office politics, national politics,
play Tom and Jerry Show.
Each chasing each other.
Stuck in a vicious circle.
Egg rolls have been had,
and I am feeling a wee bit better.
But the vinegar-onion,
does nothing to my sketchy mind.
Its still foggy.
But I am patient.
I shall be calm.
Just like my love Siva.
Shall I be the quiet and the dangerous.
Or shall I be the butterfly to sit on your nose.
And kiss you silently.
I shall wait and give the fog some time.
I shall stand strong..
A foggy mind shall pass.

--- <3 ---
My heart is a litmus paper.
A red.
Sometime s a blue.
An unusual gray sometimes.
Just for the cheer.
Acidic wit comes to rescue.
My heart is a litmus paper.

--- <3 ---

My heart is a litmus paper.
It cries for love.
It caresses the hate.
Its my soul pumping life to my body.
A red, sometimes.
Sometimes, a blue.

--- <3 ---

My heart is a litmus paper.
Take it , or leave it.
The conclusion is in your hands.
Yes! Right there.
Be it or believe it.
My heart is a litmus paper.

--- <3 ---

(Staring blankly at the keyboard)
Type ! Type ! Type you *****.
Spill it out.
Really , a lazy *** I am.
Challenges to conquer.
Roads to be walked,
and I find myself alone.
People and their prejudices.
People with their emotions and
mannerisms.
People with a lousy will.
Surround me.
I am tensed,
yet I look them in the eye.
The confidence of my youth fills
my head with a  jelly.
I feel like a reed in the wind.
Swaying harshly,yet standing.